


A Way To Fall

by attitude28



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2020-05-12 18:42:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 47,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19234921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/attitude28/pseuds/attitude28
Summary: After a failed suicide attempt, Mina is sent to a psychiatric hospital. However she will find her 'cure' in two fragments of her past who might be just as broken as she is





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mina takes a look at two fragments of her past and gets a heartbreaking reunion with them

"Very well. That would be all, sir. Mina can stay with us"

Mina wanted to scream that this wasn't what she deserved, it shouldn't happen that way. She thought maybe things would be solved from now on and she would no longer be suffocated by the loneliness and thoughts that screamed she wasn't good enough to satisfy each and everyone of the people around her.

As she tied her dark brown belt around her neck and tears clouded her vision, she tied the other end of the belt to the shower and climbed onto a plastic chair looking down as if she was surrounded by crocodiles or lions...Mina felt free

For the first time in more than four years, she felt free

But now they were taking that freedom away with both hands, now her present and her future would be reduced to ashes within the four white walls of this place her father had brought her. It was a long trip from home to here, her father told her the place they were going to was the best one there was in the country and they would help her to be cured of whatever happened to her exactly two days ago. Mina remained silent, in complete silence as most of the time she was around her father, looking out the window of the family car and enjoying the peculiar landscapes that surrounded the entire area

That place was in the middle of a forest, huge and leafy trees covered it for each cardinal point and they shook with the incessant wind that seemed to be an obvious characteristic of the region. The place was huge, maybe it was the size of a full hectare and it was painted completely in white. Right at the entrance there were huge windows that allowed to look towards the reception but behind there it was impossible to look

Mina looked at the woman talking to her father, wearing a white coat and her hair tied in a ponytail. They were standing right in front of a heavy metal door that was completely closed, a door that her father ccouldn't open once the whole process was over. The doctor's white coat (Mina would call her that for convenience) matched perfectly with the surroundings

A psychiatric hospital

"Very well, Mina" the doctor said without interest in her voice. She looked like an answering machine "Say goodbye to daddy"

Mina looked at the doctor for the last time and felt the tears blur her eyes once more and everything slowly filled with darkness around her. It was as if everything suddenly turned black and white, a silent film from several years ago. She turned her body around so she could face her father who (unless her eyes deceived her) looked anxious to leave. Mina wanted to believe that it was due to the sadness of leaving her in such a good looking but awful place

"Goodbye, father" another girl might have come closer to kiss her dad on the cheek or hug him tight and cry but those girls were not Mina, Mina wasn't mentally capable of that. She knew what would be the fatal outcome so the only thing the girl did was a deep bow, almost a _dogeza_ "Take care on your way back home"

Her father was slow to answer but, with the last of his strength, he nodded.

"Take care, Mina"

There were no promises to meet again, much less a desire for a quick recovery. It was a farewell and nothing more. The doctor grabbed her forearm and, without any roughness, took her to the metal door opening it before walking through it.

And with that door, the story of Mina would begin

* * *

After crossing that door, Mina was taken to the waiting room inside the hospital. The huge glass windows had vanished and now there were only small windows covered by metal bars and thick white concrete walls. There were four large black sofas without cushions and a gray armchair that looked more worn than usual. At the center of all the chairs was a small wooden table and there was also a giant plasma screen, of about fifty inches. Everything looked like the living room of a luxurious house in the richest neighborhood

With the exception of the bars, obviously

The doctor was still with her

"All right, Mina. I'll take you to your room, but first I must-"

A huge rumble behind the metal door made the doctor suddenly silent and look to the place where they were standing just a few minutes ago. Mina placed a hand to her chest to try and calm her frantic heartbeat, she was afraid for her father. The doctor ran to the door and after looking through a small peephole, opened the door

Two beefy male nurses, perhaps six feet tall, carried a girl who was held tightly by their arms and practically dragged her inside. Mina opened her eyes in surprise: the girl had blond hair tied in a messy ponytail, her face had a big blood stain and her clothes were torn at certain points besides having a couple of bruises all over her body. She screamed and tried to get rid of her enforcers without success

"I shouldn't be here!"

"That's what everyone says"

"He deserved it! That bastard deserved it!"

The doctor approached the blonde girl

"Be quiet. You're not in jail, okay? They are going to take you to your room but you must calm down"

"How can I calm down when I couldn't kill him?! He must die!"

Mina almost started trembling with fear. That girl's eyes were so full of madness and cruel anger that they almost seemed to look darker. The blonde tried to break free from the nurses again without success and this time she received a good push that almost made her fall face first to the ground.

"Take her to the room, make sure she doesn't hurt herself hurt or others"

The nurses continued dragging the screaming girl. Mina made very brief eye contact with her and could feel all the rage blooming from inside her as if it was a flower in the middle of spring. The girl said no more and let herself be dragged to that happy place the doctor was talking about, her eyes still burning with fury

Maybe Mina got too lost in that girl because the doctor had to snap her fingers in front of her to bring her back to reality.

"As I was saying, before going to your room I need to check your luggage, OK? I need to check you don't have anything that isn't allowed inside"

_More like anything that can kill me_

Mina was sure it was absolutely ridiculous to check her luggage but still let things take their course slowly, she couldn't swim against the current, now she had no choice but to let go and be submissive to the people around her.

The doctor opened her suitcase and carefully began inspecting each item inside: a toothbrush that had a soft handle and not very new bristles, hairbrush with plastic bristles, just one pair of shoes. Mina blushed as soon as the doctor took her underwear out, more like a natural response rather than out of shame. Finally the doctor finished and closed the suitcase, handing it carefully to Mina who now felt that everything weighed a thousand kilos extra

Mina walked behind the doctor down a long corridor (if she remember correctly, it was the same corridor where the blond haired girl was taken) and Mina discovered that there were about four rooms just along the corridor but they were all empty. Finally, after that short trip, they came to an area filled with more rooms, similar to the waiting room they had been in minutes ago with the exception that here there wasn't any LED screens around. The doctor left her in front of the door with number 15

"This will be your room from now on, Mina" the doctor said just as reluctantly as before. "You're going to share it with two more girls so try not to give any problems. You have until afternoon to order your stuff in your corner and rest, after that I'll return for you to start our first session"

Without saying more, the woman in the white coat walked back (now Mina knew she was a psychiatrist) and the girl was left looking at the door without wanting to open it. The idea of sharing personal space with two more people left her on the verge of a real nervous breakdown; she had never been social, she had never cared to fit into groups, let alone make friends, she was always lonely and quiet, always locked in her own world

Mina swallowed and ignored the butterflies in her stomach as she pushed open the door slowly.

The room, almost as expected, was completely white with a large window that was the only source of ventilation and was now closed with the curtains drawn and the rays of the sun slowly entering. There was a single bed in the corner with the sheets perfectly stretched and a pillow that looked surprisingly comfortable, next to the bed was a metal structure that might come handy to keep her suitcase and clothes, it was empty. In another corner of the room (which was rather small, Mina had to accept that maybe it was the size of her bathroom back at home) there was another single bed made a mess with the sheets all messy and the pillow lying on the floor.

And finally there was a last bed where there was a girl sitting cross-legged with a drawing book on her legs, her hair was cut short to her ears of black color, there was a small bang falling down her left eye but not long enough to cover her eye. She was dressed in a blue shirt and a pair of white shorts that reached up to the middle of her thigh. Her bed looked neat compared to the other one that was right next to her

As soon as Mina closed the door, the girl raised her head and looked at her with a pair of rather curious and young dark eyes, there was a small mole adorning her lower lip. She cocked her head, maybe even in the middle of curiosity

"Hello?" Mina greeted uncomfortably. It was enough to say a single she was terrified to the bone.

The little girl smiled and greeted her slowly with her hand

"Hi, you must be the new girl. Right?"

She got out of bed after putting her notebook aside, forgotten along a small wooden pencil. With small steps that seemed more like jumps, she approached Mina although she left a good distance between both

"My name is Chaeyoung"

Mina bowed, couldn't get rid of her manners even in a place like this

"My name is Mina, it's a pleasure"

"Well Mina... I'll be your roommate. We are missing one person but she'll come around in a minute or two"

Chaeyoung moved her gaze to Mina's suitcase and pointed it out with a small hand. Mina almost saw her with surprise because this was still quite strange for her, she almost wanted to have her phone back to eliminate the supposed awkwardness between them and that only she could notice

"Do you want me to help you sort out your things? Maybe then you can tell me something"

Mina, not really caring about the sudden company, slowly nodded and started pulling out objects from her suitcase just like the doctor did some minutes ago. She made sure of keeping her underwear in a corner so Chaeyoung wouldn't notice and could spare her the horrible shame

“So…why are you here?” asked Chaeyoung as she grabbed a shirt and folded it in half, placing it carefully in the metal structure

“Ehh?” Mina was confused at the question “What do you mean?”

“Why did they send you here? I mean…it's a psychiatric hospital. You gotta have something in your mind that's just not right. Unless you're like me” Chaeyoung softly laughed and reached for another piece of clothing “I'm perfectly fine but they insist I'm sick so they can have the monthly allowance my caretakers give them. Ask Jeongyeon when she's back, you'll see then”

Mina blinked slowly a couple of times, trying to digest everything this girl was telling her. She knew this place wasn't free and that her parents surely paid a lot of money just so she could get accepted but she couldn't (more like wouldn't) accept something like that…a place keeping someone under their arm just so they could have money. It was sick, twisted and incredibly cruel

“I…don't know” Mina answered slowly and confused, her words seemed heavy after all that thinking and she did her best to push back all the ugly words that filled her brain just two days ago “They didn't tell me”

“But you had to do something wrong”

“I-”

The door bursted open, a short girl with purple hair up to her shoulders entered the room and she struggled to take back her breath. Even when she was dressed in a white tank-top and blue shorts, she seemed to have run a thousand kilometers. Chaeyoung was taken by surprise and she stopped picking clothes from the suitcase

“What the hell is wrong with you, Dubu?”

“Its- oh god, let me catch my breath I ran all the way here from the backyard…” the girl coughed a few times and grabbed her chest before forcing herself to speak again “It's Sana... she's having another panic attack"

“Oh no” Chaeyoung quickly walked out of the room alongside the purple haired girl. Mina didn't want to stay alone so she opted to followed them. She knew she couldn't help, she was no expert at handling such delicate situations, but at least she could learn in case it happened some other time

As she walked down the corridor she saw before, Mina thought how horrible this place was. It seemed everyone had their own demons to struggle with and sadly everyone was alone with them since the main authorities could care less about what would happen to you as a person. They just saw a juicy, blank monthly check they could cash-in at any time

Chaeyoung and the girl stopped in front of another door that led them to a wide open piece of the forest Mina saw on her way here. It looked like a garden full of all kinds of beautiful flowers and a huge tree that towered even above the building. Right in front of her, in a patch of grass, was a group of four girls gathering around another. They tried to block the view from the inside of the hospital probably protecting someone

“Guys, step the fuck back seriously” one of the girls with short hair, maybe as short as Chaeyoung, and dressed in a baseball jersey with black pants up to her knees was kneeling besides a girl that had her hair up in a ponytail and a light blue sundress covered in dirt sitting on the grass. Mina saw her breathing heavily and gripping the grass under her body with such strength that she bleed a little through her broken nails

“What happened, Jeong?” Chaeyoung asked, worry in every spot of her voice

Jeongyeon, the girl with the short hair, noticed Mina and looked at her from head to toe but she said nothing. Her gaze was heavy, like she was angry at her. Mina took a step back towards the door

“I don't really know, ok?” Jeongyeon sighed “You know how this things can be…she says she saw an old friend of hers being dragged down the corridor to the empty room”

“The empty room?!” Chaeyoung quickly ran to the girl in the grass and kneeled in front of her “Sana…you gotta be kidding, you know no one goes there”

“I saw her, Chaeyoung…” Sana breathed out, her voice broken. Mina could see her red eyes and nose product of crying so much “It was her…she was covered in blood and the nurses left her there…Chaeyoung, it was her!”

“Calm down” Jeongyeon whispered

“I can't! Not until we pull Momo out of there”

Mina felt a rush of pain run through her body at the sound of that name. All her memories rushed back to her chest and she couldn't hold back the tears as she brought both of her hands to cover her mouth and sob loudly

“Momo is here…?”

Mina broken voice made Sana look at her for the first time

“Sana, please…tell me this isn't the way we found each other again”


	2. Cherry Blossom Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A strong bond was forged under the shadow of a cherry blossom tree. Mina can only look from far away as Sana and Momo find each other

"Momo! Get down from there!"

Mina remembers how Momo was always a bit more rough when she played. She loved to run after the birds, she stepped on insects with her bare foot, she climbed the trees as if she had four arms and two pairs of legs (which she was doing right now), she crawled in the dirt and the children at school fought just to have her on their baseball team. Momo never followed the standards set for a girl

And maybe that was what made her great

"But the whole park looks amazing from here!"

A huge cherry blossom tree in the city park was the meeting point every afternoon when Mina returned home on her bicycle after a long ballet routine that left her exhausted and craving for a hot bowl of ramen... but for some reason she still had the strength to ride all the way to the park and meet Momo and Sana. It was spring which meant the tree was full up to the cup of small pink flowers that fell from time to time with the wind, entire families gathered under each one of the beautiful sceneries and it seemed that particular tree had the invisible label registered as owned by those three girls

It hadn’t rained and that left the tree in the perfect condition to be climbed, Momo took this task very seriously. She loved climbing up to one of the high branches and lying on it while eating the candy that she had kept in her pocket and that had already melted after so much fun and games but they were still delicious. Momo's face was full of mud, a small flesh wound on her knee (and it was bleeding _profusely_ but Momo didn't seem to care) her hands were full of bits of candy. Mina couldn’t understand her

"Momoring! Help me climb the tree!"

Then there was Sana

Sana maybe didn’t play as much as Momo, she wasn’t a small soldier trapped in the body of a pre-teen girl but that didn’t mean she still behaved like a soon-to-be criminal. Little did she care to be dressed in beautiful floral sundresses and shoes that weren’t made even for the grass because she still followed Momo’s games and right now she insisted on climbing the same tree as her best friend

"Take my hand" Momo balanced on the branch, her head and feet hanging as she reached her hand to Sana. Mina closed her eyes to try and not see the fatal outcome that, according to her, Momo could have. Unable to contain herself, she screamed

"Momo! Stop! You’re gonna fall!"

Momo let out a laugh, Sana kept struggling to reach the hand of the girl in the tree and Mina kept her eyes closed shut

"I'm fine, Minari. The worst that can happen is that I fall head first"

"Yes! And you’re twenty meters away from the ground!"

"Nah... It’s like ten"

"Momoring! Lean a little more! I can’t reach you!"

"You have to start eating your vegetables, Sana-chan at this rate you will be a dwarf forever" Mina opened just one eye to see what those two were doing. Sana finally managed to reach Momo's hand and now climbed up to the branch where her best friend was. She dusted off her dress to remove any dust and cherry blossoms and then screamed at the top of her lungs. So loud that she managed to make some of the people walking by to start laughing

"Woow! Look at all those trees!"

Mina, for a moment, felt envy of the two girls on the tree

She wanted to climb those branches more than anyone in the world but she couldn’t get dirty. She lied to her parents telling them that she still hadn’t left her ballet practice just so she could see these two idiots who were now arguing about which gummy bear flavor was more delicious. Mina looked at her skirt, her shoes, her pants and her tiara... she couldn’t get dirty. That was not worthy of a girl

"Mina-chan!" Sana shouted, her hands cupped around her mouth "What flavor of gummy bear do you like the most?!"

But maybe being a girl didn’t always have to be elegance and delicacy.

Getting rid of her shoes, she walked to the base of the tree and reached her hands to the top as if trying to touch it with the tips of her fingers

"Momo! Help me climb!"

"But if I fall I'm going to crack my head open..."

"Momo-chan! Stop being so gross!"

With another burst of laughter, Momo balanced again on the branch of the tree and reached her hand to Mina to help her up. As soon as the girl was up, she was about to scream. It was too far away from the ground and although there was a wonderful view of everything that surrounded them, the branch was constantly swinging and Mina felt the vertigo would make her fall at any minute. Momo quickly grabbed her from the waist and Sana did the same. Mina stopped swaying, she felt comfortable and finally could enjoy her surroundings

"Hey, you're the deciding vote" Momo continued "Which gummy bear do you like the most?"

"Uhm... the red one?"

"AHA! I knew it!" Sana screamed again "The red rules!"

"You guys suck"

"Momo-chan, you smell like rancid mud so shut up"

Mina started to laugh out loud and leaned on Momo and Sana, forgetting how dirty she was getting or that soon her parents would leave their home, looking for her and questioning what the hell she was doing a whole hour after her ballet routine

But those afternoons ended one day

Out of nowhere, without a warning, Momo stopped going to the park.

Mina left her bicycle lying between the grass and the tree as she always did every time she was going to join them in the big cherry blossom tree. This time she brought a small backpack to carry another set of clothes and not mess up her ballet costume. White denim shorts, a purple shirt and sneakers made her evening outfit. She was willing to get dirty with mud and sweets even after her parents warned her that those kind of behaviors wouldn’t lead her to anything  
good

Sana sat with her back leaning against the thick trunk of the cherry tree, hugging her legs and resting her chin on her knees. She looked sad, downcast, something that in Sana was as strange as watching the snow fall on a sunny day. Mina approached her with cautious steps without having a question in mind

"Hey" Mina greeted gently as she sat next to her friend and poked her cheek with her index finger "What's wrong?"

"Momo is not here" Sana replied in a soft, broken voice, going beyond her playful whine of everyday when she didn’t get something that she loved "Momo-chan hasn’t arrived and she didn’t go to school today either"

Mina circled an arm behind Sana's shoulders and tried to cheer her up a little while she still poked her cheek

"Maybe she's just sick"

Her best friend shook her head from side to side

"No, Momo would tell me..."

In an attempt to try to see the playful smile that Sana always carried, Mina got up from the grass and jumped with her arms open over her head as in those stupid exercises of P.E. class

"I have an idea!" Mina exclaimed. "Let's climb the tree and take a look at the park!" But Sana just buried her face between her knees and a couple of tears appeared in the corners of her eyes

"It's not the same without her, Mina"

Mina forgot to describe that Sana was also the most emotional of the three

The little ballerina girl sat down next to her friend and hugged her once more. This time Sana burst into tears in her arms without saying more or continuing to remember Momo. Mina remained silent all afternoon until she had to say goodbye to Sana and return home where her parents no longer scolded her for having dirty clothes

Momo no longer returned to that cherry blossom tree

But neither did Sana

Two months after Momo left, Mina came back to the park with the big cherry tree. Her bicycle was broken since two days ago when she forgot to pick it up from the front yard of her house and her father crushed it by mistake with the car while he parked it. Mina didn’t cry for that bicycle, she knew it was something that came and went. Everything material for her was like a game

However, when she arrived that afternoon at the big cherry tree and couldn’t find Sana. Her heart took a sharp turn inside her chest, so abrupt that it almost makes her lose consciousness.

She dropped her backpack and ran around the cherry tree

"Sana-chan!" she shouted forcefully, her hands around her mouth "Sana-chan!"

The people walking around looked at her with sorrow and shook their heads. She knew they recognized her from previous days where they had seen her laugh and play. Mina didn’t want to pay attention to their pity

"Sana-chan!"

Something inside her told her to scream for Momo but she already said goodbye to her. She already made up her mind that Momo wouldn’t come back and that she didn’t know what happened to her but their friendship was already an old story that wouldn’t happen again

"Sana-chan!"

But she thought that her friendship with Sana would be strong enough to withstand the tide that was the abandonment of Momo. Mina never thought that she wouldn’t be enough of a friend to keep her close

Mina surrendered in her search and sat in front of the cherry tree with her back touching the trunk, hugging her legs and burying her face between her knees. There, she saw families with their pets, friends in large groups, couples and other children. Everyone looking at her with pity, everyone murmuring why she was alone in that position

Upon returning home, half an hour earlier than usual, her parents were waiting for her sitting at the dining table with a hard expression (something quite normal in them) and Mina knew that some kind of lecture was waiting for her

"Why are you home so early?"

Her father was the first one to speak. Nobody ever spoke before him. He was always the voice of command

"Good evening, father." Mina bowed deeply, her girlish body bending at a ninety-degree angle and then lowered her gaze to the ground. She couldn’t look at her father in the eye and she never knew why; It could be fear, it could be respect, it could be insecurity and she did not have the slightest idea. "I left the class early today"

"Sit down to eat, Mina" This time it was her mother who spoke, on her turn. The girl wasn’t hungry, she just wanted to go to her room to mourn everything she couldn’t cry for more than an hour. She wanted someone to ask if she was okay just to be able to overflow and tell the whole truth

Now that she felt more alone than anyone

Mina bowed again

"Sorry, mother. I'll go to sleep"

"Mina. Sit down"

Only her name was enough to leave her father's lips and the girl nodded her head slightly, walking to sit in her place at the table. On the opposite side of her parents and leaving a space chair between her and them. Her mother put a plate of steaming food in front of her and Mina had to contain the retching every time she tasted a bite: the food was delicious but she couldn’t consume anything, her sadness erased her hunger

Eating brought back bitter memories. Strawberry-flavored gummy bears and sticky fingers with  
sweet

Silence covered the table like every night Mina sat next to her parents. Nobody asked her about her day, it seemed that they also didn’t notice that she was quieter than usual. For them there was no such thing as the welfare of their daughter

The dinner ended, Mina was in charge of cleaning all the dishes and then went up to her bedroom still in the same silence as dinner. She gave herself a good night kiss and lay down on her bed after taking the short ten-minute bath of every night

She looked at the ceiling of her room trying to think what she had done wrong

Maybe she had been too girlish for Momo and she got tired of not having a playmate

Maybe she had bothered Sana by staying close to her after Momo left forever. Maybe she had given her too much friendship

Her eyes filled with tears

What would be of her afternoons now?

Mina curled up and closed her eyes even though she knew that she wasn’t going to sleep all night. She tried to come up with the best excuse for the swollen eyes she would have in the morning

* * *

"Sana... tell me this isn’t the way we found each other again"

Mina felt tried to keep her feelings in place and not cause a bigger scene than she already did. All the girls stared at her and alternated their gazes between her and Sana.

Sana, who had her eyes wide open as two new tears slid down her cheeks, didn’t say a single word. Mina's question was still in the air

"Why is Momo here? Why are you here? What happened?"

Mina let her brainstorm come up in the form of more questions, questions without a single answer. Suddenly, the door that led to the backyard was reopened and from it emerged a male doctor accompanied by two female nurses, the complete opposite of what Mina had seen hours ago.

"What's going on here?" Said the doctor. "Miss Minatozaki, are you okay?"

"She's fine" Jeongyeon was the first one to get right in front of Sana and block her from the doctor's sight "She just fell but now she's okay"

"I'll get the say in that, Miss Yoo"

The doctor tried to walk to Sana but Jeongyeon stood in the middle one more time and pushed the white-coated man hard making him stagger

"I'm telling you she's okay!"

"No, Jeongyeon!" Chaeyoung shouted running to her and taking her by the arm "Calm down!"

The doctor sighed

"Miss Minatozaki, please come with me"

Sana got up from the floor and, without claiming more perhaps trying to avoid a problem, she left there with the doctor and the nurses. Jeongyeon was still arguing with Chaeyoung about why those idiots shouldn't take Sana and how they would surely send her to the empty room.

Mina still wondered what was going on

After that unfortunate mishap, Mina returned to her room. This time accompanied by Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon who had been silent since their discussion a few minutes ago. Mina was lying on her bed, covering herself with the sheets to pretend she was asleep. It'd always been a good way to isolate herself from the outside

She listened attentively to the conversation that Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung had suddenly started

"Sana isn't going to calm down until she realizes if her friend is there or not" Jeongyeon started, her voice still had those traces of rage from minutes ago "And then what? Are they going to send her to the stupid doctor?"

"You know it's also Sana-unnie's fault" Chaeyoung sounded calmer, more rational "She never takes her medicines"

"Those garbage are useless! Don't tell me it's Sana's fault when those guys just want us to be fucked up in meds! Look at Chewy, for example! When she takes that, she can't wake up until the next day!"

"Unnie... calm down, you're going to wake Mina up"

"Oh for fuck sake!"

There was a pause of silence. Pause in which Mina felt that her heart was beating more than a thousand miles per hour and would jump out of her chest at any minute

"Dubu and I have a plan" Chaeyoung resumed the conversation "We know where they keep the keys to the empty room... it is still a forgotten place and they always leave the keys in the kitchen"

"Idiots" Jeongyeon laughed. "Worthy of those assholes... What will you do then?"

"We'll get them at dinner time and then we'll give them to Sana-unnie. The effects of the medicines always end before dinner so she should feel better by then. The nurse starts her routine at three in the morning, if she goes before that time, nothing will happen"

Pause. A slight cough by Jeongyeon who then followed

"I hope Sana knows what she is getting into"

Neither of them said anything else. Mina ended up really sleeping and so deep that she didn't even listen when the psychiatrist went back to her room to take her to the first session. Mina was so tired that she even missed dinner and couldn't realize which master method 'Dubu' and Chaeyoung had used

When the delicate girl woke up, everything was dark. In the metal structure where her clothes were stored, there was a plate of food from what had probably been served at dinner and which Chaeyoung had probably kept for her. She was the only one with whom she could speak since she arrived, the situation hadn't allowed her to converse with anyone else

Her sleepy eyes tried to see the entire room even in the dark. Moonlight streamed through the window and provided a bit of light, enough to see what Jeongyeon slept sitting on her bed and Chaeyoung was face down under the blankets

There was no clock nearby so Mina couldn't tell the hour

She was about to eat something and then go back to sleep when suddenly she heard the sound of keys  
in the corridors. Her brain immediately linked that to Sana and Chaeyoung's mission to retrieve the keys to the so-called empty room. Mina tried to get out of her bed as quietly as possible and almost ran to the door, opening it slowly while looking out into the hall to look for danger

She could see Sana heading towards where they had taken who Mina now knew was Momo

Out of pure curiosity, Mina ran after Sana but made sure to stay hidden behind each wall so she couldn't see her. Sana finally took the key to that room from the pockets of her pajamas and opened the door to enter. As soon as she entered, Mina immediately ran to see what happened and realized that the thick metal door had a small slot in the middle where you could see inside.

Thanks to the little light that was in the corridors, she could take a good look

Mina realized the interior was, as the nickname said, completely empty. There were no cameras in the corners or other surveillance much less small windows with bars outside, the only source of lighting came from a single light bulb that hung from the ceiling and swayed from side to side supported by a worn electrical cable. The walls were gray and worn by the passage of time with some macabre drawings of perhaps previous tenants. There was no sink, there was no toilet, there was no bed. It was just a forgotten room that was used as the most cruel form of isolation. From within came a fetid smell of rotten

Thanks to the low-capacity lightbulb, Mina could see Momo lying in the middle of the room, her hair dripping with water and her clothes completely wet, too big to fit her. The blond color of her hair was gone and was replaced by the natural dark tone she always had, and there were no traces of blood on her face or her clothes either. She looked exhausted, about to collapse from fatigue and struggled not to fall asleep. Mina wondered what kind human being in their five senses would be able to do such a horrible thing to another human. Then she remembered what Chaeyoung had said and she didn't even question the answer

Sana got on her knees in front of Momo and placed her hand on her wet hair

"Momo?" Sana's voice sounded broken by tears

At the first mention of her name, Momo didn't seem to react even if she was in a complete state of shock. However, when she looked up and saw Sana's familiar face glowing in the yellowish light, she sat on the floor and stared at her.

"Sana?"

"Oh God..."

Sana threw herself at the girl, wrapping her arms around her neck and breaking into tears as soon as she realized the situation and how fortunate it was that Momo was right in front of her. Momo slowly wrapped her hands around Sana's slender body and pressed her to her own body, hiding her face into the hollow of her neck.

Mina felt a twinge in her heart when she saw that reunion, it already been completely different from the one she had with Sana just a few hours ago. She felt as warm and as comfortable as she expected, as she always hope it would be from the moment they vanished to this day.

Sana pulled away from the hug and cradled Momo's face in her hands, caressing her cheeks again and again as if trying to erase something. Mina wondered what it would be: if the drops of water that kept slipping or the obvious darkness that had stained the innocence of her best friend. Sana leaned over and kissed Momo on one cheek gently, then on her forehead with the same tenderness and finally on her lips

Mina was surprised and she had to bite her tongue to not scream with the same surprise

It wasn't an accidental kiss, it wasn't a simple touch of lips, it was an intense kiss trying to scream and say the thousand and one things Sana had never told her. Momo had answered to the kiss as if it was something of every day and even placed her hands on Sana's waist while tilting her head to have better access to those lips that brought her out of sanity

It wasn't a secret that there was more than friendship. They lived something else...

Mina felt a pang in her chest again but this time because of the uncontrollable feelings inside her. She was confused, she needed answers and couldn't ask for them because there was an invisible barrier that kept her silent... the same barrier that once engulfed her in pain and left her now clinging to the edges of the metal opening like if her life depended on it

Momo and Sana broke away from the kiss but kept each other close

"Where were you?" Sana whispered as she continued to study Momo's features as if they were a map to survive in the dense forest that surrounded them. "You left without telling me anything,just like when we were young... two years have passed since then"

_Two years_

Mina doesn't remember the exact date in which she stopped seeing Momo and Sana but she is sure that it was more than six years ago, they didn't even attend high school at the time. That means that Momo and Sana had been together in the middle of their teenage years

Why they never looked for Mina?

"I couldn't tell you anything" Momo whispered back and closed her eyes as she let Sana love her in her own way, without fears or barriers or anyone who would judge them beyond what they should "My mother was in danger... we had to go away from there"

"Do you have any idea how different my life would have been if you had stayed with me?"

Sana's question made Mina shed new tears and almost try to open that door.

_My life would have been different if you two had stayed with me_

"I'm so sorry, Sana"

"Mina is here too"

"Mina?" The tone of surprise in Momo's voice was obvious and her voice became a desperate speech. Mina felt the anguish gradually diminished when she realized that Momo still remembered her name and, although she still did not see her physically, she still worried about her "What is she doing here? A place like this is a lot for her, Sana we have to- "

Sana interrupted her almost immediately

"Mina is not a girl anymore"

"But she always was more fragile than us and you know it"

"Trust me, Momo"

A long sigh came from the reclusive girl's lips and she opened her eyes again to look at her lover in front of her.

"What are you doing in a place like this?"

"I don't want to talk about that... I haven't seen you for two years and it turns out that when I finally have you all for myself, I must go back to that hell. Just let me kiss you again"

"Sana..."

"Please, Momo. I promise I'll tell you everything when you leave this place"

Mina wasn't able to continue seeing that scene that left her with a hole in her soul every time she thought more about the words she heard. She turned around and went back to her room trying to make as little noise as possible while walking the long corridors

Sana leaned again towards Momo to give her a soft kiss, less intense than the previous one and more charged with feelings. When the lack of air was great, Sana separated and left a long kiss on her best friend forehead

"I have to go now. I promise we'll see each other again"

Before Sana could get up and leave that place that looked so terrifying, Momo grabbed her wrist and looked at her with eyes full of plea that couldn't be ignored even in the lack of light

"Take care of Mina"

Sana nodded firmly, as if she was about to embark on the most dangerous mission of her life

"I will"

* * *

Mina opened the door of her room carefully. Chaeyoung was deeply asleep with one leg hanging down from the bed and the pillow over her face. The newly arrived girl didn't even realize that Jeongyeon wasn't in her bed

When Mina closed the door of her room, she could see Jeongyeon sitting on her bed. Mina jumped and almost fell to the ground when she lost her balance, she put her hand to her mouth to keep from screaming and waking Chaeyoung. Jeongyeon raised her hands in the air as a sign that she didn't intend anything

"Hey, quiet" her voice wasn't loud but it wasn't a whisper "I thought they were checking the rooms and I didn't want you to get in trouble"

Mina was still shocked, barely able to move

"Try not to go out much during the night"

Jeongyeon got up from the bed and went back to her corner, took the sheets and lay back on the mattress without saying anything else. Mina walked slowly to her bed and sat on it. Chaeyoung threw the pillow to the ground with her own hand and then ended up sleeping diagonally now with both legs out of bed

"Thank you" Mina whispered in a voice to try not to wake up her other partner

Jeongyeon no longer answered

Mina then stayed under the covers looking towards the room's door with a thousand thoughts in her head. The course of her ideas was broken perhaps at three o'clock in the morning when a nurse opened the door, lit each bed with a lamp and left again. Mina returned to that scene she just saw

Momo and Sana had each other

She was adrif

Her heart took a sharp turn inside her chest as she remembered Sana's words and mumbled them under her breath.

_"Do you have any idea how different my life would have been if you had stayed with me?"_


	3. Catching Fish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's so much behind each and one of them...

The sound of the birds and the sunlight slipping through the window were Mina's alarm the next day in the morning.

She sat on the bed and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, thanks to the sun that slipped through her window she could see that it wasn't too early. Mina immediately tried to look for a clock but she wasn't successful, she could only see Chaeyoung sitting on her bed working with the same drawing book from the day before, Jeongyeon was at her side with her head lying on her shoulder and very interested in whatever Chaeyoung was drawing

"This looks like a duck" Jeongyeon added in a monotonous voice as she pointed to the sheet of paper with her index finger, Chaeyoung turned her head around quickly as if her friend just kicked a puppy.

"What the hell? That's a pigeon!”

Jeongyeon burst out laughing and dropped into her friend's bed while raising her legs in the air and kicking like an excited baby

“Sorry, Chae… it was a joke. Your pigeon looks very... pigeon-esque”

"That's a good one, dude"

It was Chaeyoung who realized that Mina was already awake and raised a hand to greet her. Mina answered the gesture, apparently it was the least awkward way they both had to say a 'hello' without speaking

“Good morning, Mina. Did you sleep well?"

Jeongyeon sat down again and stared at Mina, with those heavy eyes with which she looked at her the day before as they reached the backyard. Mina felt intimidated and almost covered herself with the sheets to hide her fear

With a huge yawn, similar to that of a lion, Jeongyeon rose from the bed and stretched her arms over her head.

"I'll see if they have breakfast done, do you want me to bring you something?"

Chaeyoung copied the action of her roommate and also stretched her arms over her head after leaving her sketchbook aside on the bed. She shook her head slowly after Jeongyeon's question

“Nah, I'm fine. I'll go grab something later”

"How about you? Mina, right?” When Mina nodded slowly, Jeongyeon continued “Do you want anything?”

"N-no. I-I ... I'm fine”

"Okay then. Just don't say I didn't warn you, losers ”

Jeongyeon left the room with a light click of the door after leaving. Mina let out a sigh and Chaeyoung let out a laugh as she crossed her legs on the bed and looked at Mina with the same smile as before. Those friendly ways of Chaeyoung reminded Mina (a lot) of how Sana was when they were young

"Is... Is she always like that?" Asked the ballerina as she rose from her bed and began stretching the sheets in every corner almost perfectly and very careful not to mess anything up

Chaeyoung tilted her head to the side

"What do you mean?"

“She looks at me like she's mad at me. I know I'm new to this place but... I'm not trying to bother anyone”

The short-haired girl smiled and lay face down on her bed, facing up to Mina who already finished doing her bed and now sat on the edge of it making eye contact with Chaeyoung once more.

“Jeongyeon-unnie is like that but she's not angry at you, I promise. She's the most wonderful person you can find”

Mina sighed

"And don't worry about being the new one" Chaeyoung continued. "Nobody is dangerous here, so they let us walk free"

The ballerina raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms across her chest

"What do you mean?"

“No one controls what we should do or not do. The psychiatrist comes from time to time to prescribe medicines but, outside of her, nobody controls us”

For Mina that was a novelty, she always thought that perhaps the nurses or doctors watched them 24/7 and made sure to carry out a discipline with a hard hand. This is how it looked at least when they dragged Momo to that lifeless room in a corner of the hospital. It took her by surprise to know that they were partially free

"So… who checks the rooms?"

"Ahh, that's just a routine process... they're just trying to look mildly interested" Chaeyoung gave a rather sad and discouraged giggle "They don't really care if we improve or something. They think the isolation will bring us back to normal or something similar”

Chaeyoung look up to the ceiling of the room and let out a long sigh, almost with the same sadness with which she laughed

"Jeongyeon-unnie realized that, maybe that's why she's more rebellious"

Mina wanted to interpret the word "rebel" as a "refuses to do what others want her to do" One way or another, Mina always ended up gravitating towards those kind of people as if they were her center of attention and needed them for her life to work properly.

Momo was one of those people.

"How many people are here?"

The ballerina expected a large number after the whole place looked like a huge complex that once served as a house, it went beyond what she had seen in her life despite having a family that could afford certain luxuries

“So far, nine. Counting you and the new girl that's in the empty room" Chaeyoung didn't move from her position before and her hands danced all over the mattress until she found her sketchbook. Mina could see, for a fraction of a second, that she had drawn a perfect landscape of the outer forest with birds, leafy trees and even a creek. “We used to be over sixteen but little by little they left”

"Really? Why?"

“Once again because those guys swear that they've healed but they're just trying to take care of their families' reputation, you know? Most of those who are here come from families that can afford to pay the monthly rent”

Mina frowned at those words because there were a couple of things out of the norm, even if it sounded too bourgeois on her part, said things didn't fit: Sana's family was never rich nor Momo's... so how do they pay the monthly expense?

She decided to keep the question for another day and perhaps another occasion. Mina got out of bed and, with manners, choose to again offer food to Chaeyoung

"Do you want me to bring you some breakfast?"

Chaeyoung refused once more as she picked back her tools and began drawing once more

"No, Mina. I'll go eat something in a little while”

Mina nodded slowly and, just as she opened the door of her room, Dahyun ran in front of her along the corridor that led to the living room located after the metal door which Mina entered the first time. Dahyun came all the way from another room at the end of the hallway

“Jihyo-unnie is cooking pancakes! I can smell them!”

Behind Dahyun, Sana was running at almost the same speed with a huge smile on her face.

"Leave one for me, Dahyunnie!"

As soon as Sana saw Mina at the door of the room she stopped unexpectedly and continued to smile almost like an angel. Mina felt she was a child once again and inevitably smiled back at her

"Good morning, Minari" Sana mumbled while raising a hand in the air "Ready for breakfast?"

Mina remembered that she needed to talk to Sana. She needed a couple of answers that could make lighter the feelings in her chest

“Good morning, Sana. Can we... can we talk?”

Sana didn't seem surprised by the question. Her smile just got gentler but it didn't disappear and Mina wondered if it had anything to do with how calm she was now, far from a panic attack

"Sure, Mina. Come on... let's go somewhere else”

They both walked to the backyard door, the one they'd crossed just a day ago when Dahyun ran to ask Chaeyoung for help. The backyard was actually a grassy place with an improvised roof to make it happen as a kind of porch where everyone could sit. There was a dirt path that led to the forest but apparently that wouldn't be the route for today

Mina enjoyed the morning breeze and how soft it was. The heat wasn't suffocating as in the afternoon, in the middle of summer it was difficult to go outside frequently. Sana stayed right beside her

"What do you want to talk about, Minari?"

That nickname gave Mina hope, it gave her butterflies on her stomach and a wide smile on her face

"You still use that nickname with me"

"Well" Sana let out a laugh "It doesn't matter if you're older now and all that... you'll always be Minari for me"

Mina made eye contact with her best friend and realized how much time had passed: Sana was a beautiful woman now, she was wearing another floral dress with sandals and her hair tied in a high ponytail. There wasn't much more left of that bubbly liitle girl other than brown eyes and kindness.

With the same butterflies in her stomach, Mina lowered her gaze

"Yesterday... I saw you in Momo's room and you... kissed her"

Sana looked away to the dirt path and sighed for a long while as she crossed her arms across her chest as if she were hugging herself. Mina interpreted it as a sign of irritation although her friend said nothing

"I just wanted to know if Momo was okay" The ballerina immediately tried to mend her mistake "I never meant to follow you"

“Do you really think I would be mad at you for that, Minari? I wanted you, more than anyone, to follow me to that place. Momo needs us both, she needs us not to leave her alone in all of this”

Mina was unable to shout her thoughts

"We had something before" Sana continued "We never broke up... Momo left a day just like when we were girls and I didn't know anything else. I never expected to see her again and much less in this kind of place”

"And what happened next? How did you end up here?”

Sana looked at her again, Mina could see the great pain in her dark brown eyes and even a few tears stacking in her eyes.

“I'm sorry, Mina... I'll wait for Momo to come back. You can wait for me, right? I want the two most important people in my life to be there to listen to it. If not, I don't think I can”

Mina silenced her thoughts again and that was a virtue that was formed when one is introverted by nature. You know your own thoughts like the back of your hand

"I'll wait then"

“Sana-chan!” Dahyun shouted from the inside of the place, wearing a pink apron with the letters 'The best mom in the world' surrounded by hearts “I cooked something for you! You too, Mina! It'll get cold!”

Sana laughed when she saw Dahyun and sighed. Then she walked to Mina, held her face with one hand and gave her a long, wet kiss on her cheek

"Come on, Minari. Let's eat something"

Even with a thousand unsolved doubts, Mina was very grateful to have Sana back in her life. She was an angel, she was her best friend

Sana couldn't see when Mina held her cheek with one hand and smiled. A smile so big that she couldn't believe it was happening after many, many years

* * *

The hospital kitchen was similar to the one that appeared in the restaurants of the television programs: huge gas burners stocked by tanks of almost the same size, pans and utensils hanging over the stoves, huge pots, clean and dirty dishes... everything was in place almost perfectly

The table where breakfast was actually served were two smaller tables joined together so that all eight girls could sit comfortably. Mina felt uncomfortable doing nothing so she approached the two girls who were in the kitchen; one was Dahyun and the other was a girl she never saw before. She had long reddish hair, huge dark brown eyes, average height and a more pronounced silhouette than the others. She wore another apron although less ridiculous than Dahyun's

"Can I help you with something?" Mina spoke in a small voice that was difficult for Dahyun to hear but that the other girl heard perfectly

"Oh no, Mina!" She exclaimed. "Just sit down for breakfast, we'll go right away"

Mina nodded obediently and had to restrain herself from bowing because the situation doesn't merit it. Upon returning to the table, she realized that Sana had already saved a spot for her in one of the corners of the table and patted the empty chair with her hand

“Come on, Minari. Sit down before it gets cold”

Mina sat right next to Sana and looked at the table full of food. There were all the foods she could imagine and desserts that she didn't normally eat. It reminded her a little of mornings at her house with the small little difference that she would never make any noise at her parents table

One of the girls, much taller than the others and who looked like a true goddess with her long black hair and youthful features, was totally quiet at breakfast than all the others. She played with two white pills and was about to take them until Jeongyeon stopped her

“Chewy!” The girl looked at her with a pair of heavy dark eyes. "Don't do that! Just don't take your medications”

"Unnie, I can't do that" she replied in a monotonous voice and with a heavy accent, almost seemed to drag the words. Mina looked at her with some tenderness "I must take them to be okay"

“Nah, nah. Eat your breakfast”

"Unnie..."

"Tzuyu-ah" The red-haired girl had come to the table drying her hands with a towel, Dahyun took a place next to Sana and watched everyone curiously "Jeongyeon just wants you to be awake so we can watch the midday series"

The tall beauty (which Mina now knew was called Tzuyu) now looked at the red-haired woman with the same penetrating eyes and without a single expression on her face

"I don't care"

The whole table burst out laughing except for Jeongyeon who just sighed and returned to eat her breakfast without looking at the others. Sana leaned over the table to take a tray of food

"Do you want some of this, Minari?"

“Ehh? Uhm... yes, please”

"I forgot to say our names, Mina" said the red-haired girl. "My name is Jihyo, I guess you already know Dahyunnie, Sana and Jeongyeon"

Mina nodded slowly and continued the conversation.

“Also Chaeyoung. By the way, she stayed in the room drawing, said she would come for something later”

Jeongyeon laughed dryly

“Yes, of course, that's her signal that she wants us to take her food to bed. Lazy ass”

They all laughed. Jihyo continued

"She is Nayeon" she pointed towards a girl who was sitting right next to Jeongyeon with long hair and a smile as bright as Sana's, waving her hand excitedly towards Mina who answered with the same gesture

"She's Tzuyu, we call her “Chewy” all the time because as you can see... 'she doesn't care'"

Tzuyu blinked a couple of times and then returned her attention to her plate of food, continuing her breakfast as if Mina wasn't watching and expecting some sort of greeting. Jihyo shook her head and only sighed as she began to est the breakfast she had cooked

“Serve yourself and don't worry, Mina. We all eat too much here”

Mina nodded again and began to taste a little of what Sana served on her plate. The taste that flooded her mouth was delicious and almost instantly she tried to take another spoon of that food to her mouth. She never thought that food would be cooked in a homemade way and as delicious as it was, it was better than she expected.

Another difference Mina found was the noise

None of the girls stopped talking and Mina tried to contain her impulse to tell them that they should remain silent. But, in this place, nobody spoke in turns, nobody had a hierarchy and she was free to do what she wanted

"Where did you meet Sana-chan, Mina?" Dahyun asked as she left an empty plate in the center of the table

"She is my best friend since childhood, along with Momo"

"Momo, huh?" Jeongyeon spoke as she leaned back on the back of her chair with her hands on her tummy, too full to continue eating "The girl in the empty room?"

"Y-yes"

"Enough with your attitude, Yoo Jeongyeon" Nayeon demanded as she swatted her friend shoulder "You're scaring her"

"N-no!" Mina felt ashamed and immediately tried to solve the misunderstanding that had occurred "N-no problem..."

"Minari is a bit shy" Sana added while stacking a new plate on top of the one Dahyun left

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" Jeongyeon raised her hands in the air and then made a face of disgust when Nayeon leaned her head on her shoulder but did nothing to get her off her body "Hey, Mina. Have you ever caught fish?”

Mina opened her eyes like a deer caught in the headlights and blinked several times

"Uhm... no"

"Let's go to the creek then" Dahyun intruded as she sat cross-legged on the chair "In my dirty clothes there must be some shirt to use it as a net"

"Oh come on, your mom didn't raise cowards" Jeongyeon pointed at her accusingly with a kind of pout on her face. "We can catch them with our hands!"

Nayeon made a face of real disgust

"Oh my god Jeongyeon, that's disgusting"

Dahyun jumped in her seat and now she was kneeling on the chair

“I think that's great! Let's go then and we can teach Mina how to do it”

Jeongyeon devoured the rest of her breakfast and rose at full speed from the table while Dahyun followed her closely. A shout of _"Chaeyoung-ah, we're going fishing!"_ Rang in the hallways of the room and then Chaeyoung joined the team of Jeongyeon and Dahyun running after them like an excited puppy. Jihyo let out a long sigh and shook her head a couple of times

"Sometimes I think those three share the same brain cell"

Sana let out a giggle and took Mina's hand

“Come on, Minari. It may sound disgusting but Jeongyeon is excellent at it and you'll like the place”

Mina smiled and wrapped her hand around Sana's as she walked beside her in the direction of the mythical fishing site. They went back out on the dirt road they had seen a few minutes ago when they were talking in the backyard before they reached the creek. The water was crystal clear, like a mirror, and you could see the interior full of copper colored stones. The creek was surrounded by a forest so the breeze was pleasant and the sun's rays barely touched Mina's skin

Sana took her seat at the edge of the creek, the rest of the girls (except Tzuyu who, according to Jihyo, wanted to watch the morning toons) also took their place around while watching Jeongyeon fold her pants up to her knees and step barefoot into the creek waiting for a fish to go by

"I don't even want to imagine how your hands are gonna smell, unnie" said Chaeyoung, who was also starting to fold her pants

"As if I was knucles deep inside your mo—" Jeongyeon smiled mischievously, perhaps about to make a bad joke. Dahyun was laughing way before she could end, but suddenly, when Jeongyeon saw Mina (who wasn't used to her "nasty" attitude as Nayeon called it) she stopped and just let out a loud laugh

"Come on, unnie!" Dahyun shouted. "You didn't say it!"

"I won't say it, Dubu. Now... help me catch some fish"

"Here comes one!"

Jeongyeon prepared herself as soon as she saw the little fish and immediately caught it in her hands. The animal was trying to get out of the grip and jump back into the water but Jeongyeon held it tightly and immediately put it in a bucket that Chaeyoung had dragged before they reached the creek.

Sana let out a little squeal

"Eight more to go!"

Mina smiled again

And while watching Dahyun fall face down in the river while trying to catch a fish, with everyone's laughter as background music, she leaned her head on Sana's shoulder and savored those moments of happiness

* * *

“You can go out now but no more funny business. If you ever get violent again, you're back in this place”

Momo looked at the woman in front of her with some disgust. The white coat made her too uncomfortable and she wondered if that was the same woman who brought her to this place. She had very blurred memories of her arrival, everything was like a distant dream where she had seen everything from outside her body and didn't know what happened, like some nightmare caused by a fever. Her first memory of this place was the sensation of the dye in her hair removing the blond tone she had been taking care of for months. Then she remembers Sana walking into that empty room and asking for explanations, telling her that Mina was there too...

The woman in the white coat left, Momo walked close to her until she reached the living room where a tall dark-haired girl was watching the television play some re-run of an old series from the eighties. With a cold look, she turned her head to see Momo and then kept watching TV

"You must be the new girl" she spoke in a monotonous voice "My name is Tzuyu"

"Hi... I'm Momo"

“Sit and watch the series”

Momo scratched the back of her neck and tilted her head as she looked at Tzuyy. She was very pretty but her attitude was strange, with careful steps Momo walked up in front of the television and sat cross-legged on the floor

"Where are we? The city, I mean” Momo asked as the loud opening of the series played on television “Can you tell me?”

There was an awkward silence, as if Tzuyu hadn't heard her. Momo turned her head back to stare at the girl, softly asking for an answer

"I don't really know" Tzuyu replied. "Things like that don't matter anymore... you're already in here anyways"

Momo tilted her head to the side again and let out a long sigh. Was Tzuyu the only girl in this place besides her? Where the hell are Sana and Mina? Where could they go right now if they were in the middle of a forest

The sound of a door opening was an alarm for Momo who became defensive. She didn't know who could be dangerous or not and now she had this girl near her that she should take care of. From the back of the complex, all the girls walked in including Sana and Mina. One of them, with short hair and holding a bucket, looked at Momo briefly and ran to the living room making sure that Tzuyu was okay.

“Chewy! Everything's okay?"

Tzuyu shrugged and then nodded, her words didn't match the situation

"The midday series has begun, unnie"

The short-haired girl sighed, Tzuyu had definitely just taken her medicine and that's why she was acting that way. The same girl turned her head to look at Momo who just raised her eyebrow

"Are you the new one?"

"I guess... everyone says that"

"Momorin!" Sana shouted amid laughter and ran to Momo to practically tackle her against the floor and hug her while attacking her cheeks with kisses. Momo smiled widely and hugged Sana back “They finally let you out! I was so worried… I'm glad you're finally here”

Mina watched the scene from afar, the rest of the girls had gone to the kitchen ready to cook the fish they just caught. They even managed to motivate Tzuyu to help them

Suddenly Mina felt somewhat out of Sana and Momo's relationship.

"Look who's here" Sana used her most cheerful voice and pointed at Mina with a big smile "It's Minari! Don't you think she has changed a lot?”

Mina made eye contact with Momo who immediately smiled at her, a bright and happy laugh just like the one she had when they were children. Mina almost imagined her on top of the cherry tree with her face full of dirt and her hands sticky with the sweetness of her lollipop. Mina smiled back with a more gentle gesture

"H-hi"

"Hi, Minari. You're taller”

"Yeah well, you too"

"Oh come on" Sana pouted and pushed Momo towards Mina with both hands "Give her a hug! Aren't you happy to see her? Its been so, so long since the last time we were like this”

Momo laughed slightly, Mina matched her laughter again and felt her heart pounding uncontrollably as Momo rose from the ground and walked over to her to give her a big hug that tasted like glory.

Momo still felt like when they were girls, she still smelled like clean laundry just like when they were girls, she still gave her that sense of security Mina always felt when she was next to her. Mina wrapped her arms around Momo's torso and hid her face between her neck, tears and sobs began to run out without control

"Don't cry, Mina" Momo whispered

Mina didn't care that she needed as many explanations as possible to understand why Momo left her or why Sana was here

It only mattered that they were back

“I missed you so much”


	4. Empty Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loneliness. Fear. Bottled up emotions and Tzuyu special ability: she cannot lie

“So then I was sleeping, right? And Dubu painted a mustache on my face with a sharpie!! Can you believe that?!”

Mina hears Momo loud, choked laughter as Sana tells a story of how Dahyun loves to prank her once in a while as she sleeps. They're sitting in the backyard right on the green grass under the evening sky. It's been a long day, obviously, but Mina feels it's been shorter than other times. For the first time in four long years, she's not feeling tired or sad

The ballerina steps on the backyard and looks at Sana who's happily sitting between Momo's open legs holding hands as if they never stopped being lovers. Momo is the first one to notice her and she smiles widely, raising a hand to greet the missing piece of her loving puzzle

“Hi, Minari!” Sana shouts after she also notices Mina “Come sit with us! We thought you were sleeping”

Mina shakes her head and sits down right next to Momo in a spot that looks comfy. Her head rests against Momo shoulder just like she belonged to that spot since forever, Momo leans her head on top of hers and searches for her hand until their fingers are finally entwined in Mina's lap. The ballerina closes her eyes and let's out a deep sigh...she remembers how happy they were when they were kids, how happy everything seems now as they laugh and smile. She imagines a brighter future with Momo and Sana and everything that makes her feel alive…

“Are you sleeping now, Mina?” Momo asks softly like she's scared of waking her up

“No, I'm sorry…” Mina looks up and she crashes her eyes with those of Momo. They're so beautiful: dark brown and filled with a thousand stories, they feel as warm as her arms, they speak a thousand words without spelling any single letter. Mina feels a blush creep on her cheeks when Momo leans closer, almost kissing her…

Mina turns her head around and let's go of Momo's hand quickly as she looks up at the sky

She suddenly remembers there are a thousand explanations that Sana hasn't said. Momo is also in silence and Mina wonders if she should keep quiet or pry everyone's wounds open. There's so much in her mind and she's tired of having the fiercest inner fights without a clear result

“Minari~ you're drifting off” Sana says with her sing-song voice and Mina looks at her. Both of her best friends are looking worried “Is everything okay, darling?”

Mina is surprised by two things. One: Sana is using a new pet name with her and Two: Mina doesn't really care about it…she even likes it

“It's just that-” Mina sighs and the finds strength to continue “I'm confused about everything. I know I should just be happy with you two but-”

Sana quickly moves away from her comfy spot and faces Mina, taking her hands softly in hers and caressing her knuckles with no rest as she looks at her in the eye. Mina realizes that Sana's eyes are as pretty as Momo's but they're more lively, more bright, like two pieces of ocean staring back at her, like a rainbow after the rain. Mina feels like she's melting under that powerful yet soft gaze

“I know what I said. I was just finding some strength to do it…it's hard and I know you know it better than anyone but I trust you” Sana looked at Momo and reached for her hand “I trust both of you"

Momo tilts her head to one side like a curious puppy

“What do you mean, Sana?”

“I know all of us have a story. I know all of us changed when we split up years ago so…I wanna be the first to talk about what happened”

Momo blinks slowly with her eyes wide open and Mina remains calm, in silence as she looks at Sana with expectation. This is what she's been waiting for since they found each other again not so long ago and Mina hopes she can finally find some rest in whatever Sana hides behind her words

“I have panic attacks disorder” Sana whispers and she lowers her gaze as she says this, like her eyes and voice lost every strength inside her “That's what they said when I got here…my parents brought me here after I had a panic attack at work. I think it was shortly after Momo left for a second time”

By pure curiosity, Mina looks at Momo and the older girl seems to be angry at herself by the way she clenches her hands into two tight fists until her nails are digging in her palms. Mina is unsure of how she should feel after all, she barely understands how all of those ‘disorders’ work. For her, everyone seems normal but it seems like some people are determined to use labels in everything and everyone

“The doctor says I need to take anxiolytics and they give me that once in a while…I don't take them, they're too scary for me” Sana looks to be in the brink of tears as her eyes turn glassy and her voice slowly cracks “My parents said they'll be back for me once I get better so if I pretend to be okay then maybe we can all get out of here-”

Momo suddenly interrupts, violent and rough

“It's my fault?”

Sana blinks her tears away. Mina looks at Momo with her mouth open, about to say something. She needs to tell her this kind of sicknesses aren't anyone's fault…sometimes they just happen. It was like that for her at least

“What?” Sana croaks

“It's my fault that you have that disorder? Did it happen because of me?” Momo repeats, not looking up

“Momo…”

“Just be honest!” The older girl says in a loud shout. One that makes Sana jump back and Mina feels scared. The ballerina girl fights back her fear and moves quickly without knowing what to do: she tackles Momo to the ground in a tight hug and she buries her face between her shoulder and neck

“No!” Mina screams out of nowhere. She finally realize that her fear isn't Momo getting angry and hurting Sana...

Her fear is that Momo leaves again

“It's not anyone's fault” the youngest continues, her voice shaking “Please, Momo...don't leave us again. It's not about you. It's not about anyone”

Sana has to cover her mouth with both hands so her sobs won't end up being louder than her words. Momo is shocked by the sudden action of Mina but she still wraps her arms around her delicate form and combs her hair with the tip of her fingers

“Mina…I-I'm not leaving you guys again…”

“Then don't blame yourself! This things just…this just happened”

Silence fills the whole backyard. Mina doesn't want to move away from Momo as she slowly lulls her with the soft caresses on her head. Sana sniffs in the background and she wipes away her tears as she lays down in the ground next to Momo looking at her with wide, red eyes and entwining their fingers together just like minutes ago when they were sitting peacefully looking at the sky.

“We can get out of here” Sana insists “The monthly visit is close and I can talk to my parents about this so we can get out and be together…we don't have to be away from each other again”

Mina is slowly drifting away in sleep as Momo hugs her tightly. She tried to stay awake, she tries so hard to remain awake because she thinks this is all a dream and when she wakes up everything will be a lie and she will be suffering again in the darkness of her room…

As Mina closes her eyes, she feels a kiss on top of her head and barely manages to hear Sana voice in the background

“I love you…I really do”

Mina finally let's the sleep get the best of her

* * *

“Momo…let her sleep, she's safe in here”

Sana stands in the front door of Mina's shared bedroom. Momo brought her all the way from the backyard, picking Mina in bridal style and then cuddling with her on the small, cold bed. Sana feels her heart wrenching when she finally sees the loving look Momo is giving to Mina…like she's trying to remember every single one of her features and the older caresses Mina face with the back of her hand, slowly since she doesn't want to wake her up

“I stay here with her”

“She'll get in trouble if they find you here"

“Sana…she's so fragile, more than before. I just wanna stay here and never go away...what if she gets scared? What if she has a nightmare? Who will protect her?”

Sana takes a quick look towards the end of the hallway where the whole squad is ready for dinner. Chaeyoung and Dahyun are banging their fists on the table, Jihyo is trying to calm everyone down, Jeongyeon is standing on a chair and the whole mayhem seems to be taken out of a cheesy comedy movie. They're too focused on their fun to pay attention to the three missing girls.

Sana steps into the room, towards Mina's bed and slowly leans forward until she can kiss Momo's forehead and then does the same for Mina. Momo looks up at her, her features barely visible thanks to the darkness that fills the whole room. The only light is the one coming from the hallway and dining room. Sana combs Momo short hair and then nods

“I know you don't wanna leave her…I was the same when I saw her for the first time. She really changed, right? Mina grew up into a beautiful woman”

A loud laugh echoes all over the place, Sana knows it belongs to Nayeon

“We won't leave each other ever again, okay? Let's hold onto that promise”

Momo still looks at Sana in full silence and slowly nods, there's something inside her heart that tells her she shouldn't believe Sana's words, that she should remain in this place and protect Mina against every danger but she trusts Sana because she spent a longer time around her, because Sana tends to look at everything with her heart rather than her brain and if her instinct tells her Mina is safe then Momo needs to believe

Being extra careful of not waking Mina, Momo let her rest on the bed and covered her body with a thin blanket before leaving the room with Sana holding her hand tightly just like forever. They walked together towards the big dining room where the other girls seemed to be in the middle of dinner

“Sana-chan!” Dahyun shouted and waved her hand, like she had ten days without seeing Sana “There's food for you and Momo-san in the kitchen”

“Thank you, Dubu” Sana smiles sweetly and then lets go of Momo hand, leaning closer to her to whisper near her ear “Take a seat wherever you want, they're all friendly”

Momo slowly nods like a child obeying their mother. She walks around the table until she finds a spot besides Nayeon who smiles at her and waves her hand.

“Hi, Momo-yah! My name's Nayeon”

The older girl lets out a small smile and bows slightly out of courtesy. Momo looks around the table and finds that she doesn't know anybody besides Dahyun (who seems very close to Sana), Nayeon (thanks to her recent introduction) and Tzuyu the girl who was watching TV at noon but it's nowhere to be found now. Curiosity gets the best out of Momo and she tilts her head as she asks

“Where's Tzuyu?”

The whole table quiets down, like a bucket full of ice fell on top of everyone's head. No one is laughing or making noise, Momo remains curious as she asks again

“What happened? Is she okay?”

“Tzuyu is sleeping now” Sana says as she comes back from the kitchen with a plate full of food for her and a bowl for Momo “She sleeps early sometimes”

“Because she takes those fucking pills” Jeongyeon snarls and Nayeon places a hand on her forearm as Jeongyeon stops eating her dinner and pokes her food with a fork “She's all good until she takes that shit…you should see it with your own eyes, Momo. It's like something punches her in the gut”

“Jeong…stop it” Jihyo tries to intervene but Jeongyeon continues rambling, deep in her fury

“Well, she deserves to know what really goes on in this goddamn place! We had to drag Tzuyu to her room because she couldn't stand on her own feet! She says she's fine but you know what? Tzuyu can't lie”

Momo looks at the table where Sana awkwardly places the bowl full of rice, meat and vegetables. It looks delicious but Momo suddenly is not hungry anymore. Pushing back her curiosity won't do any good so she holds tight to it and keeps going forward trying to know each girl better

Because they also need protection, just like Sana and Mina

This girls might turn into her family

“So everyone here has a disorder?” Momo says, slowly picking a bit of rice with her chopsticks

“Everyone except Chaeyoung” Jihyo says with a small smile as she points at the shorter girl sitting just besides Dahyun with a huge smile as she stuffs her mouth with meat and rice “She's just trouble for the people around her”

Momo tilts her head, chooses not to ask and points at Jihyo

“What do you have?”

“Me?” Jihyo points at herself “Bipolar disorder. Don't worry though, I take my meds every time"

Momo starts making a mental checklist in her head, keeping track of everyone's needs

“And you?” she points at Dahyun with one of her chopsticks “You look fine to me…”

“Oh yeah?” Dahyun laughs and widely smiles “Well, I have OCD according to the psychiatrist but I don't really know how it works…I just follow whatever she says"

Another name on her list, Momo nods and points at Nayeon

“PTSD, it's getting better though. Jeongyeon here helps a lot” Nayeon looks at Jeongyeon with a dreamy gaze while Jeongyeon only scowls, mocks her voice and keeps eating

Momo makes sure of placing a big  _“WARNING”_  sign besides Jeongyeon name. She needs to be careful around that girl. Seems dangerous for everyone around her except for Nayeon and Momo makes sure of keeping a close watch on her so she doesn't get to close to Sana or Mina

“Hey” Jeongyeon says after eating a mouthful of food “Aren't you gonna ask what's going on with me?”

Momo squints her eyes and shakes her head from side to side

“I don't like you”

Jeongyeon frowns and remains with a cold face

“Glad to know 'cause I don't fucking like you either”

“Enough" Sana interrupts with a loud voice “We don't have to fight, okay? There's no need for that”

Momo keeps eating her food and feels the heavy gaze of Jeongyeon on her side, like she's boring a hole into her head. Momo chooses to ignore her, it's not worth it to fight. Not now

At least not until she gets near Mina and Sana

* * *

It was an ordinary day in the living room, the girls entertained themselves with a television series of the eighties with such a low budget that probably never succeeded but did their job of entertaining. Mina was sitting on the couch, next to her was Sana with one arm behind her shoulders immersed in the talk between Jihyo and Nayeon. Jeongyeon was on the other side of Mina, keeping the distance between them and staring at the TV. Momo was sitting on the floor and laughing at a bad joke that Dahyun had made

Jeongyeon looked at the only clock in the room. That clock was no use for anything other than to measure the time that certain activities should be done, it was almost the most basic rule. They shouldn't spend much time in front of the TV or in their rooms. Since arriving at that place, more than five years ago, they had never changed the purpose of that clock and it drove Jeongyeon crazy. She was surprised how the clock had survived so long if no one gave it the most basic maintenance

All the girls had become so close. They were a family and Jeongyeon would never get tired of thinking about it. The darkness within each one made everyone gravitate to a metaphorical center and unite forever. They all had a motivation

But suddenly, Jeongyeon felt alone.

She was surrounded by girls, yes. All of them were her friends and they loved her as much as a family, she had no doubt about it. But she still felt away, out of reality, as if suddenly the whole place had been erased and only her and those thoughts were spinning around it again and again

What if they all left and she kept staying in that place? What if everyone hurt her? What if Nayeon got tired of her? What if she hurt someone?

Jeongyeon hated medications with all her might but she had to accept that they kept her mind silent, away from the pain of her daily life and the incessant noise in her mind. Suddenly everything moved in slow motion, as if nothing was really happening. The girls' laughs were ghoulish, the television show turned into a carnival of blood and she felt on the verge of fainting. Jeongyeon had to stand up from the armchair to be able to return to reality while rubbing her face, removing the traces of her madness from her forehead and nose

A soft hand landed on her forearm.

Mina, the owner of that hand, looked at her with concern and a touch of anguish. The rest of the girls still didn't notice Jeongyeon little crisis, everyone was still in their world. Only Mina had managed to see her sudden stress

"Are you alright, Jeongyeon?" The calm voice of the newcomer girl finished firing the alarms inside Jeongyeon brain. Everything turned red, she could only see the fury, the pity of this girl who didn't know her in any way

Jeongyeon took Mina's wrist tightly as she watched her with disgust and anger. Her hand tightened so much that Mina let out a soft moan

"Stop pretending you worry about me!"

Mina trembled and tried to break free of Jeongyeon's grip without success. The fear that ran through her body suddenly did not let a single muscle in her body move to escape even though she knew that Jeongyeon wasn't in her five senses

"Let her go!"

Momo's voice was a thunder that illuminated the entire room.

"Momo, no!"

Sana's plea was useless

Momo ran to Jeongyeon and punched her hard on her jaw, causing the short-haired girl to release Mina and fall to the ground. Momo didn't give Jeongyeon a chance to fight back and punched her one more time, this time straight to the nose. The grotesque crunch of Mina best friend's knuckles colliding with Jeongyeon nose caused everyone to shudder and try to stop the fight

Mina saw the blood staining Momo's hands and Jeongyeon's clothes. Her legs failed her and she almost fell if it wasn't because Jihyo held her by the waist quickly

"Are you alright, Mina?"

"Don't put your hands on her again!" Momo screamed wildly as her hands now wrapped around Jeongyeon's throat. "Don't touch her!" Don't touch her!"

"Momo, stop it!" Sana ran to her best friend and hugged her by the waist, drawing her to her chest and holding her tightly. Momo still hadn't let go of Jeongyeon who was now starting to complain about the lack of air

"Help!" Nayeon shouted desperately towards the reception of the place "Please help!"

The psychiatrist and the two nurses rushed towards that fight by practically opening the door with a kick. One of the nurses pulled Sana away from Momo as if she were a piece of paper and she fell to her knees, her hands reached towards Momo in a plea

"Don't hurt her please!"

Holding Momo arms above her head, the other nurse removed Momo from on top of Jeongyeon who coughed and took a big breath trying to resume her breathing, as much as she could with the blood clots that came out of her nose. Mina was trembling in Jihyo's arms as she looked at Momo with that crazy look. It was identical to the day she saw her again as she arrived. Even the blood on her face and hands, that person wasn't her best friend...

"I'm going to kill her! Let me go! Let me kill her!”

"Hold her tight" the psychiatrist ordered

"No! No!! Enough!” Sana begged once more

The psychiatrist took a syringe from her front gown pocket and stuck it in Momo's neck, emptied its liquid content inside her body and little by little the girl stopped resisting until her body was inert between the arms of the huge bear normally called a nurse. Sana let out an anguished groan and brought a hand to her chest

Jeongyeon had returned to her five senses. Her blurry gaze caught sight of the chaos in the room. It was no longer a dream product of her mind, much less an illusion. The fear in each girl's expression was so great that Jeongyeon couldn't help feeling guilty. How could she not contain herself?

Momo was very protective of Mina and Sana, that was no secret to anyone, even with the little time they had here. Unfortunately Jeongyeon wasn't thinking when she held the girl's wrist tightly, she didn't try to hurt her, she just wanted her not to see her with pity. She would have lost control in the same way if Momo had dared to even touch Nayeon.

"Take her to the empty room," the psychiatrist almost shouted at the nurse who was holding Momo. "Make sure she doesn't get out of there for two weeks. Rationed food and water. No visits”

Jeongyeon felt between a rock and a hard place. She never wanted things to escalate at this point, she didn't want to hurt Momo. She didn't want to hurt anyone. With her nose still bleeding and dizzy from the lack of oxygen, the short-haired girl stood up and stood in front of the nurse holding Momo

“It was my fault” she speak in a certain way but with a broken and barely audible voice “Take me, I started everything. I didn't take my medications and it was my fault. Momo did nothing but defend Mina”

The nurse looked at her with a frown for a few moments before averting her gaze to the psychiatrist who only shook her head several times. Then, the nurse held Momo with one hand and with the free hand pushed Jeongyeon back to the ground.

“Get out of here. You're not the leader here”

The huge man walked towards the corridor with a Momo sedated and asleep in her arms, he was practically dragging her away from that place. Sana began to hyperventilate, her breathing agitated as she squeezed her chest with one hand and pulled air with long puffs without success. The girls' concern centered on her

"Sana-chan!" Dahyun exclaimed as she approached Sana and knelt beside her. Her hands were shaking and she was afraid to touch her roommate "Sana, please. Try-"

"Miss Kim, stay away from Miss Minatozaki." The psychiatrist's voice was firm, she interrupted Dahyun as she pulled out a couple of pills from the same front pocket of the gown and, holding Sana's jaw with a hand that looked huge and animal, forced her to swallow them. Dahyun looked at the woman with big eyes, full of disbelief. What was happening so suddenly? It was as if they were losing their human condition

Sana no longer felt like fighting, she was resting with her hands on the floor and thick tears falling down her cheeks. Her voice was just a sob in the middle of all her tears

"Momo... Momo..."

Jeongyeon had curled up on the floor while Nayeon ran to her side to try to contain the bleeding in her nose with a pile of napkins she had taken from the kitchen almost unexpectedly. The psychiatrist stood in the middle of the room, her aura was so dark and violent that they all kept their distance like scared puppies

"Listen to me. If any of you refuse to take your medication again, no matter who it is, you will be Miss Hirai's companions. Is that clear?"

Everyone's silence was the answer she needed. The nurse returned from leaving Momo in the empty room and followed her closely with his partner. They left behind the large metal door that connects the reception to the room and gave no sign of returning

Mina closed her eyes to try not to cry and hid her face between the hollow of Jihyo's neck who rubbed her back soothingly over and over again

"It's okay, Mina. It's okay"

Even with her eyes closed, Mina tried to imagine Momo with her face full of dirt and a wide smile on the cherry tree... it was a thousand times better to see her in that way of madness.

"Sana-chan... Let's go. We must rest in the room“ Dahyun's voice became calm and comforting trying to move Sana from her position. She could only imagine how bad she should feel, the anguish to realize that Momo would be so far away from her

Sana looked up to see Dahyun: her red, swollen eyes with so many tears, withered cheeks, dry lips and sobs that kept gushing. Dahyun almost cried with her. Sana did nothing more than throw herself into her arms and let the child reciprocate the hug, still trying to calm her down.

Chaeyoung went to Nayeon and Jeongyeon who had finally managed to stop the blood

Tzuyu had been watching everything from a distance, silently like most of the time and emotionally anesthetized. However, this time she couldn't contain a streak of rage that crossed her body when she saw her Sana-unnie return to the habits she had before Mina and Momo would return.

"It's your fault, Jeongyeon-unnie"

Tzuyu's voice made everyone turn their heads at her at the rare feat they had just accomplished. Even Mina had wiped her tears so she could see her. Jeongyeon felt crystalline eyes and didn't know if it was due to the pain in her nose or the words she heard. She always tried to make Tzuyu talk more, to be integrated into the group, the family they were. She couldn't believe those were the first words you'll hear from Tzuyu on the day

"Tzuyu... no, baby. Don't do that" Jihyo replied trying to create an order again "It's nobody's fault"

"It is. It is Jeongyeon-unnie's fault" her tone of voice had lost monotony and was almost a scream "She is always telling us that medications make us dumb, that they hurt us and that they make us fall asleep... at least the medications help us not to hurt anyone"

Jeongyeon looked down at the floor. She could not contain the tears but she also didn't want to be weak in front of everyone

Little by little, the room went empty until only Jeongyeon and Nayeon remained in it

"Jeong... let's go to the room. Jihyo will stay with Mina"

"Go on, I'll go later"

"Jeongyeon..."

"I'm fine, Nayeon. I'll go later"

Nayeon didn't believe a single word of what she was hearing but still got up from the floor and walked to the room that belonged to her and that for the moment would be as empty as the feeling of guilt that was inside them.

Jeongyeon stayed behind hugging her knees and looking at the floor once more

_"It's your fault, Jeongyeon-unnie"_

Tzuyu never lied after all


	5. Monthly Family Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mina thinks is time to be brave

_Two Years Ago_

One day, in the last months of summer, it was raining hard and the clouds announced an untold story of a thunderstorm coming fast to the city.

Sana was taking cover from the rain under her umbrella, trying to get home quickly from work before the storm. She was so scared of thunder and the last thing she wanted was to be running around town with thunder blaring in every corner of the every street. She grips her umbrella tight and quickly runs in between puddles of mud, she's just a few blocks away from home

Sana knows that she can get home faster if she takes the street right behind her workplace, it might be lonelier but it's quicker. There's so much backstory behind that street and she remembers riding her bike down there, racing Mina so they could now who would get faster to certain house. On her way there, she takes a look at a big brick house with the paint slowly falling off. Like she's hypnotized by it, Sana lifts her gaze as much as the umbrella allows her without getting her face wet. There's a rush of nostalgia feeling every inch of her heart and she feels as a kid again. The windows are broken, the walls vandalized, the door open and ripped apart by time. It's the only house totally forgotten in this neighborhood and there's definitely no one living there and that's when Sana confirms the thing she feared the most

Momo is gone of their lives. Totally gone. Her house is a wreck and there's nothing left behind of her childhood best friend

Nothing but happy memories and the days where they smiled

Sana is eighteen years old. Momo must be the same age as her and Mina is just one year younger…how do they look now? Do they remember her as much as she does? Do they cry at night when they're too tired of being alone and trying to fulfill everyone's impossible standards? Sana can just wonder 'cause there's no response for her

She's about to make way again when, suddenly, a loud thunder shakes the earth. Sana yelps in her spot and closes her eyes, dropping the umbrella to the ground she covers her ears not caring about getting herself wet. She hates thunder, she hates it so bad and she's so scared that she just wants everything to stop

“Sana…?”

The voice calling her name feels so far yet so familiar and she wonders if it someone who randomly knows her or if it's actually someone send by heaven itself. A soft hand touches her shoulder and she jumps in her spot, looking for the stranger who seems too confident about it. Sana eyes widen as she sees a familiar set of eyes: dark brown, opened wide and curious, she knows she seen them before but can't remember where

Her brain speeds up as she rewinds all her memories from these last years. And as Sana looks again at the eyes of the stranger, she finally puts the pieces together: those same eyes looking at her from the top of a cherry tree, cheeks dirty with mud and candy, a big smile as she stands on top of a branch and looks at the city

“Momo…?”

Sana immediately brings her hands up and cups her face that's getting wet in the middle of the rain. Momo hair is short instead of the long, dark waterfall she used to have, her features are much more defined and her eyes end up being too expressive, her lips are a bright shade of red and Sana knows they aren't due to makeup. The slightly younger girl feels tears trickling down her cheeks and they quickly get washed away by rain. Momo still looks at her with a shocked face

“It's you? Tell me it's you…please, please”

Momo nods slowly and brings her own hands to caress Sana face

“This has to be a dream” Momo whispers, incredulous “You're here?”

“I missed you so much”

Sana voice breaks as she says those words and wraps her arms around Momo with such strength that she feels the pressure in her arms, like Momo would fade in the middle of one of her many dreams and she would wake up in the small room at her house. Momo wraps her arms around her and immediately protects her from the rain with the umbrella, quickly walking to the inside of the brick house as she sees a lightning bolt in the distance. Thunder roars again, strong like a lion and Sana shakes in Momo arms

“You're safe, I'm here” Momo whispers and Sana knows those words have a thousand more meanings that Sana can't describe

Minutes go by, Momo keeps rubbing her arms up and down in Sana's arms so she can warm her up and whispers sweet nothings in her ears every time she trembles with the sound of thunder. Rain keeps pouring outside as they sit inside the house that still has every furniture in place

“What were you doing here?” Momo asks when the storm seems to go by and Sana is no longer scared “It isn't a good neighborhood anymore. It's totally dangerous"

“I was taking a short cut home…I wanted to get there before the thunders started”

Momo sighs and combs away a few strands of wet hair in Sana's face, still not breaking their hug and keeping her tight between her arms. She's as scared as her best friend of losing this small portion of happiness

"Do you live here?” Sana asks with a soft voice and looks up when she feels Momo shaking her head from side to side “What are you doing then?”

“I came to grab a few things that my mother needs. I was shocked when I saw you here but I'm so glad I found you…”

Momo grabs Sana face in the same way the slightly younger did almost half an hour ago and her thumbs softly caress every spot of Sana's blushed face like she's trying to remember all the details she lost for the past few years since they (unexpectedly) said goodbye

“Where's Mina?” Sana asks

“I wish I knew” Momo replies with sad eyes “She no longer lives at her house and no one can tell me about her”

“So you've searched for her?”

“Of course I did! Just like with you…I didn't want to say goodbye that time and I wish I could turn back time just to tell you how much I loved you back then and how much I loved you every second I searched for you”

Sana gently smiles and feels her heart flutter at Momo's words. Filled with love and relief, she gets closer to Momo and briefly looks at her lips. Their breaths match both agitated and excited

“You can tell me how much you love me now”

And just as Sana says those words, she leans and captures Momo's lips between hers. Momo slowly closes her eyes and moves her own lips at the rhythm that Sana says, following her blindly in this messy and inexperienced dance that they just started with rain slowly falling outside. Momo grabs Sana by the hips and shifts her so she's between her legs and can easily kiss her a little more

The lack of air leaves them breathless and they look at each other eyes, seeking answers without questions

“I wanted to do that before you left” Sana softly says “Please, don't leave me again...we can search for Mina together"

Momo sighs because she knows she can't do this. There's so much she's carrying right now taking care of her mother, working to pay bills and trying to stop the financial center from taking away their house. There's so many things happening in her life that she almost forgot about her childhood best friends, those who brighten up their days and put a smile on her face

Maybe if she holds tight enough to Sana then there's nothing that can go wrong

Momo leans again towards Sana but kisses her cheek instead of her lips and wraps her arms around her, hugging her with closed eyes as she feels the life coming back to her body

“I won't leave you again”

_Present Time_

Sana wakes up from her dream and feels her whole body in the brink of collapsing. As she slowly opens her eyes, she realizes she's in her shared room inside the hospital. Tzuyu is sleeping soundly in the bed right in front of her just like everyone knows she would, she won't wake up until next day…and that if she feels better. Dahyun bed is empty and that's when she realizes that Dahyun is sleeping on her own bed and they're cuddling under the blankets. Sana fell asleep after crying her heart out in Dahyun's arms until her meds were strong enough to knock her out

The whole room is dark, there's a thin light coming from under the door that belongs to the hallway and she feels the need to just go outside and look for Momo one more time

Momo…oh her poor Momo. She just wants her back

The monthly visit is next week, Momo won't be out for the visit so even if Sana's parent come and take her out of the hospital she won't be able to leave. Oh my god...she doesn't want to leave Momo behind one more time. That would just break her heart again. Sana knows that Mina won't leave too since she just got in so her plan for getting out is impossible

A few tears pile in the corner of her eyes and she tries hard not to sob but eventually loses the battle. Dahyun slowly stirs awake and, with a soft and confused voice, she slowly says

“Sana-chan? You're okay?”

Sana nods, not trusting her voice, and holds tight to the younger girl waist

“Just hold me tight, please”

Dahyun doesn't need another explanation and she just wraps her arms around Sana shoulders and closes her eyes drifting back to sleep.

Sana wonders when this huge nightmare will be over. She wonders how many days she will have to take meds just to forget about her love for Momo and Mina

* * *

The monthly visit finally happened

The whole hospital looked lively and free, like taken out of the perfect magazine for everyone to picture. The room where they watched TV had been cleared out and, instead of a couch and the old television, they now had five tables with three chairs each. All of them for the parents that were coming

Mina can't help but wonder…why only five tables? There's only five families? For nine girls?

It's a cruel environment once that she thinks about it and her eyes scan the room quietly. There's no one there, everyone is in their rooms calmly waiting for the right hour to come out for the visit. It's 5:00pm and the visit is at 5:30 so there's still time left. Mina doesn't want to meet her parents when she's barely been around, she doesn't feel ready for anything and the worst thing is that she hasn't even started her rehabilitation: she just met these girls, Momo and Sana, had a small talk with the psychiatrist and nothing else…

There's no right words for Mina to say when her heart is crumbling under the heavy guilt of putting Momo in a cage and Sana in a horrible mental state

However, just as she's deep in thought, she feels a pair of hands grabbing at her shoulders. Mina slightly jumps, startled by the contact and then sighs when she finds a familiar red haired girl looking at her with a big smile

“Are you nervous, Mina?” Jihyo says

“A little” Mina awkwardly giggles and then scratches one of her cheeks with her index finger “I'm…not ready for this”

“Yeah, well…who is it?” Jihyo laughs and she slowly walks to one of the tables, sitting down in one of the chairs and staring at the roof like it's the most interesting thing in the world “I don't know what my mom will say about me”

“So it's just your mom who's coming?” Mina gets interested, she sees a good opportunity in making a friend that isn't Sana or Momo. She needs to get comfortable around the other girls too and so the ballerina walks to the table and sits beside Jihyo

“Yeah, it's just my mom”

“Did she…you know? Brought you here?”

“Oh no, I came here by my own two feet” Jihyo runs a hand through her hair, making it messy and looking at her hands after it. Her face looks somber “Its hard dealing with your mind, I was so confused when I started feeling depressed for weeks and just a few days after that I was buying random stuff all over the internet or eating as much food as I liked”

Mina keeps quiet. Growing up an introvert, the ballerina has learned to hear people rather than talk about her own feelings so she tries to understand Jihyo words as much as she can.

“It was like I was trapped in a cage and I just wanted it to stop…people loved to say I only wanted attention” Jihyo looks at Mina with soft eyes, like she still too confused to go on “So I came here, looking for answers”

“And you got them?” Mina asks, genuinely curious

“Some of them, at least now I know why I felt like that. Meds are helpful”

Mina chooses to keep going on with the conversation, keep making use of questions to understand the world around her and the people who try to welcome them to this new stage of her life

“If they're that helpful…why does Jeongyeon hates them so much? Why she's always trying to take them away from Tzuyu?”

Jihyo keeps quiet, then talks again

“Jeongyeon might seem like she's tough and violent but she's just trying to protect us, from everything. The psychiatrist is…quite something. She isn't as ‘passive’ as she seems”

Mina tilts her head at the sound of that sentence

“What do you mean?”

“The empty room is just the very first of her punishments…sometimes she uses our disorders against us"

Mina is still confused and tries to talk again but she stops when she caught a glimpse of Sana slowly walking towards them. Her eyes are void, not sparkling like yesterday, there's no smile in her face as she sits in the table just next to the one they're sitting on and looks empty, like someone ripped her heart out of her chest

The ballerina knows, she definitely knows, that Sana feels just like that

Because Mina feels it too

Without Momo, she's lost in a deep, dark sea. Swimming towards the coast while her own thoughts drag her down into the abyss, drowning all hope and silencing her cries.

“Sana?” Jihyo says softly, Sana lifts her eyes “You okay?”

“Yeah” she whispers and Mina thinks that Sana is dying just by the sound of her voice “I'm just feeling sleepy”

Mina looks up, the clock reads 5:30, she tries to think where did the time go and she takes a deep breath because she isn't ready for talking to her parents again. She doesn't want to go back in time when there's no hope in her past. All that she wants, all that she  _needs_  is in Momo and Sana. No matter how broken they are

The big metal door opens, a single woman walks in and Jihyo stands up.  _“That must be her mother”_  Mina thinks and the elegant woman dressed in white blouse and black skirt with heels of the same color is stunning. Maybe as beautiful as Jihyo is. Mina stands up, does a bow in the direction of Jihyo's mother and then walks to the other table where Sana looks at the wall without saying a word

Mina thinks she needs to be bold, she needs to move forward. Sana needs her right now…

Momo is their pillar, the sun that pulls them together, the moon that shines in the dark. Mina knows she can't replace Momo but at least she can  _try_  for Sana and also for herself. She needs to  _try_

So she pulls Sana in a tight embrace without saying a word, the older girl sighs as her head rests on Mina's chest and she closes her eyes. Drifting off to a better world as she listens to Mina heartbeat. Mina knows Jihyo's mother is looking at them, she knows Nayeon is also looking at them when she walks towards one of the empty tables and waits for someone to come and visit her, maybe feeling awkward for all the stuff that happened yesterday

“Mina”

The voice is firm, husky, rough. Mina turns her head and finds her father standing tall beside her. His presence feels like an ominous spirit stalking her through the night. As she turns around, careful of not moving Sana, she finds out her mother isn't there. So it's only her father…it seems it's always like that. Only him and no one else

“Go” Sana whispers in her hoarse voice “Just go, I'll be fine”

Mina takes one last look at Sana and then sighs, standing up as she walks towards the last empty table where she sits down, her back straight and hands clasped together on top of the table. She's shaking, she can feel it in her legs but there's not much she can do. Mina shaked before a dance routine, before taking a test at school, before getting back home but she never thought she'll be shaking thanks to the presence of her father

“I can't believe it” he says with that scary voice of his. Mina gulps slowly and she can't take a look at Sana to see if she's okay “Of all the places you could find that girl again…you find her here? Unbelievable”

The ballerina tries to make this less awkward, less uncomfortable.

“How…how you've been, father?”

The man gaze is stern

“Fine. I'm fine. Your mother is doing fine too”

Mina lowers her gaze and, through the corner of her eye, she looks at Sana who is now sitting with her parents in that other table. She still looks as empty as before and, just now, it seems like she's was more sad

“That's good” Mina answers, not looking at her father in the eyes because she know she'll end up crying a river “I'm happy you're okay”

"Why did you talk to that girl again? Didn't I told you before that you should stop?"

_But I'm happy again. I'm happy to be where I belong. With them_

The ballerina doesn't say a word, she keeps quiet and the man tries again. There he goes being stubborn and hurtful, not caring about Mina's feelings like he always did. Driving her towards the edge just like that one time where he broke all of her hopes and dreams...

“I'm going to talk with the psychiatrist and I won't let you get near that girl ever again”

“What do you mean my daughter isn't here?”

There's a man talking with a heavy accent at the front door. He gets the attention of every other person in the room, including Mina. A woman is standing by his side, she looks just like Tzuyu and that's when Mina makes a connection between them

Those are Tzuyu's parents

But she's nowhere to be found

“I told you before, mister” says the psychiatrist and Mina knows she doesn't even remember Tzuyu last name by the way she seems to drag the ‘mister’. Both parents look sternly at the woman “Your daughter treatment is very strong and sometimes she won't be available so please, take your leave and come back next month”

Mina opens her mouth to say something but there's a sharp gasp coming from one of the other tables. Sana stands up and screams, as loud as her voice can be. The attention is now on her

“How can you do this to me?!” there are tears streaming down her face as she clenches her fists with rage “What have I ever done to deserve this?!”

Sana brings a hand to her chest and clutches her own shirt as she drops to the ground, taking big breaths and closing her eyes. Everything slows down for Mina, there's no one in the room as she looks around: everyone is gone and there's just her and Sana against the world with too many things to fight for and too many things that scare them but also too much strength to fight against them

And Mina remembers something from a long time ago, when they were kids: Momo standing in front of them, protecting them of an older bully

If Momo isn't around then it's her time to be brave. For them

Mina ignores her father and stands up from the chair, running towards Sana and making an almost inhuman effort to not hug her, just bring her closer to her arms. She knows that's not what Sana needs in the middle of a panic attack. Instead she makes a soft contact with her hand in Sana's own hand, grabbing her attention. Their eyes lock. Sana eyes look frantic while Mina tries to ease her own anxiousness

“Miss Myoui, get away from Miss Minatozaki”

“Mina. Get back here”

_No…no! Sana needs me and I won't let her go!_

“Its me, Sana” Mina whispers and she keeps touching her hand as a link between an imaginary fear and reality “Focus on my voice and breathe with me okay? Just breathe with me”

“I'm going to die…” Sana says desperately with a new pair of tears rolling down her cheeks and Mina feels her heart clench at the image.  _Come on, Mina…be strong. For her_

“No, that's not true. Breathe with me, okay? Just focus on me”

Mina starts breathing slowly, inhaling as much air through her nose as she can before letting it out of her mouth. Sana tries to copy it but it comes out shaky and the ballerina doesn't care because that means she finally has Sana back in reality and she's fighting to get out of fear

“Miss Myoui, please. Get away from Miss Minatozaki, this is my last warning”

Mina ignores it again and she know she'll get in trouble, she knows there's a punishment waiting for her after this. After this little ‘show’ that they're doing. The psychiatrist has been too patient with them right now and as Mina lifts her head to look at her surroundings she sees the giant male nurse making his way towards them.

“Nayeon-ah!”

“If you want to hurt Mina and Sana then you have to hurt me first!”

Nayeon stands with her arms open in the middle of the Male nurse and her (at least how it seems now) friends. Mina looks at her like one looks at a hero and she uses that spare time to keep helping Sana who seems to slowly get better as she makes her way towards Mina and wraps her arms around her neck

The whole world stopped for Mina

But this is the first time in years where she felt so alive, so determined to fight, to protect her happiness and her new life

And just for that, she doesn't care about her punishment

* * *

“Look at my girl being all brave!”

Jeongyeon wraps her arm around Nayeon shoulders and said girl has a big smile on her face as she tries to rest her head in Jeongyeon shoulder. They're all sitting at the table just after dinner, there's only Momo missing and Mina sighs as she tries to ignore the emptiness in her heart. Sana is hugging her by the waist, her head resting in Mina chest as she smiles softly and looks at the rest of the girls

“After that, the psychiatrist looked soooooooo pissed” Jihyo continues their little telltale of the monthly visit. Chaeyoung, Dahyun and Tzuyu look at her like she's telling one of those famous campfire stories “But she had to let everything go because our parents where there”

“Wow” Dahyun whispers and takes a look at Mina “You really love Sana-chan, huh?”

Mina blushes and the others laugh, including Sana who tilts her head and kisses Mina cheek with a soft, lingering kiss

“Mina was so brave today”

“Just like Nabongs” Jeongyeon looks proud of Nayeon as she spares a glance towards her. Mina feels something…warm in her chest as she looks at that scene: Jeongyeon has her nose covered by a small bandage since she's still injured after a few weeks since the incident with Momo but her eyes look so full of love for Nayeon, completely different from the desperation and pain of the last time…

Mina knows everyone here is normal, maybe in their own way, but normal. Everyone here is a human being. Then…why do they treat them like they don't deserve it?

Nayeon kisses Jeongyeon cheek and the latter makes a gagging sound before erasing the kiss with her hand

“Jeongyeon!” Nayeon screams as the others laugh “You suck!”

“And you swallow. I hate you so much, seriously…”

Mina smiles gently at Jeongyeon. Their eyes met and, just like that, Jeongyeon looks away from Mina like she's embarrassed

“Did your mom kick your ass, Jihyo-unnie?” ask Chaeyoung as she leans on the table with her hands cupping her own cheeks

“That's no way to talk to your elders, Chaeyoung!" says Dahyun “Didn't your parents taught you manners?!”

“I got no parents, you absolute idiot! And you don't either!”

“Oh right! I forgot!”

Jeongyeon, Dahyun and Chaeyoung burst out laughing while Jihyo facepalms and Nayeon just sighs. Tzuyu seems out of the joke as she just tilts her head to one side not really caring about it

“So that's why you guys didn't have anyone here…” Mina whispers and Sana nods

“I thought you'll never ask” says her childhood friend “Those three love to make jokes about how they come from an orphanage and they got no parents…its awkward at first but then you get used to it”

“Hey, we take what we can get, right?” Jeongyeon says with a big smile on her face “Monthly visits aren't that good anyways”

“So you three met at the same place?” Mina uses this new confidence of hers to ask some questions and clear any doubts in her mind

“Sort of…I mean, me and Jeongyeon come from the same place” Chaeyoung shrugs “But Dubu comes from outer space~”

“Hey!”

“Stop, you two” Tzuyu says with a low voice that grabs everyone attention “We know I'm the one who comes from outer space”

There's a long silence at the table before everyone burst out laughing, Jeongyeon loud laughter echoes stronger than the others as she claps and rests her head against the table where they had dinner even Mina is laughing at how sudden everything was. Tzuyu really changes when she's not under meds and her smile is so bright and lively that she looks like a completely different girl

Jihyo softly pats Tzuyu's head and then combs her hair

"Your parents really wanted to see you, Chewy"

Tzuyu nods and sighs

“I know…maybe next time”

Jeongyeon almost wants to say something but she quickly stops. She seems pained by whatever is left in her mind and so, she just plays with the dirty chopsticks on top of a plate. She's curious, she wants to ask about something but…she can't bring herself to do it

“I saw the male nurse taking some food to Momo a while ago” says Nayeon as she takes a look at Mina and Sana who are still hugging each other “Where are her parents?”

Mina takes a look at Sana before the older speaks

“Momo only has her mom but…I don't know why she isn't here”

“What's the deal with Momo-unnie?” Dahyun asks as she sits cross legged on the small chair. Her flexible limbs are really something

“Anger issues” Mina quickly replies, her brain working at an extra pace as she remembers what Momo said a long time ago when they were kids and she protected them against that older bully. A kid who thought it was funny to tease them until Momo found out about it

And Momo almost kills the older kid

“Anger issues…” Sana repeats and looks at Mina “How did you remember that?”

“It came to my mind after all of this. Momo told us about it”

“But I thought anger issues was just…anger” Jihyo interrupts “Whatever Momo did was…more than anger”

Sana frowns and continues

“Momo is not a bad person, okay? She's trying to protect us and nothing else”

“Protect you guys from what?” Tzuyu asks “We're always safe here”

“Its not something easy to understand when you've been abused over and over again” Mina answers and looks at the table, that's a secret that Momo trusted them almost a few days before leaving forever. It immediately makes Sana sad as she wipes her tears with the back of her hand "It comes natural for her after protecting her mom so many times”

Jeongyeon seems guilty the more she hears about it and, tired of feeling like that, she stands up and stretches

“I think I'll take a walk. Want to join me, losers?”

Mina finds incredibly funny when Chaeyoung and Dahyun nod at the same time

"Let's go to the back of the forest! I saw a deer the other day!" Chaeyoung announces with a happy voice “It wasn't that big though…it was like bamby-sized”

“Bamby-sized” Jeongyeon laughs and just walks towards the backyard with Chaeyoung and Dahyun trailing behind her and playing a game of rock-papper-scissors to determine who's going to search for the deer when they get to the farthest part of the forest

There's a brief silence before Nayeon speaks with a soft voice, looking at Mina and Sana

“This is all we have…we are a family here so, please...remember you have us. It's not the three of you against the world it's you three and us against everything, okay?”

Mina nods and she makes sure to grab Sana hand, tightly

She feels proud of herself. And she can't wait to tell Momo about it


	6. Apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jeongyeon and Momo might be more equal than they think

Dahyun looks at the highway just behind the metal fence in the farthest side of the forest, way beyond the small river and the ‘bambi-sized’ deer that Chaeyoung saw some days ago. This part of the forest, dark and lonely and spooky, it's their little secret place. The ‘loser's corner' as Jeongyeon likes to call it. This is the end of the hospital, the real world lies beyond this metal fence that Dahyun tightly clenches between her slim fingers

A car goes by in the highway a few miles away from the metal fence, Chaeyoung gasps and Jeongyeon let out a small giggle. Dahyun only has one question

“Will we ever get out of here, unnie?”

Jeongyeon stands just beside her, gripping the fence with the same strength that Dahyun does and with an equal slim hand

“Do you wanna go out there?”

“There's nothing out there for us, Dubs” Chaeyoung says as she backhugs Dahyun and puts her head on her unnie shoulder looking at the lonely highway without any sort of light other than the moon. Chaeyoung doesn't want to be pessimistic, she just wants to tell the truth. Being real “The other girls have a family but us? We just have each other”

“Chaeng is right” Jeongyeon sighs and shrugs

Dahyun playfully hits her unnie on the shoulder and Jeongyeon grabs her shoulder with a smile

“You got Nayeon-unnie”

“Nabongs? Do you really think she'll follow me out of here?” With a bitter chuckle, Jeongyeon turns around and starts walking back to the hospital. To the only place she can call a home no matter how awful it is…at least its warmer than the orphanage, at least she eats three times a day and at least she has Nayeon until she recovers and chooses to walk away from her life pretty much like anyone else she ever met before

Chaeyoung and Dahyun make their way back with their hands tightly locked with each other

Next morning, Dahyun is up before anyone else.

Sana slept like a log all night long, in her own bed. It seemed that Mina support actually helped her go through the nightmares and side effects of her meds. Dahyun feels great with this. Sana is special to her, really special. She's been there supporting her with her own treatment since she can remember and Dahyun can only thank her by taking care of her at her lowest

She picks up three fruits from the fruit basket in the kitchen. An apple, a banana and a pear. She slowly slices them and places them in a plate. Last night they ate so much ramyun and meat, she needs something healthy to cleanse her body. Dahyun feels incredibly uncomfortable eating all of this "junk food"

“Good morning, Dahyun”

Dahyun takes a quick look towards the entrance of the kitchen. Mina rubs her eyes slowly and yawns before stretching her arms over her head. There's a small smile on her face and Dahyun quickly smiles back even if she feels slightly awkward with Mina presence. They've been together before but never the two of them alone and she tries to push away the awkwardness. Mina looks completely harmless and it seems like she's pushing hard enough to make some friends

“Good morning, Mina-unnie. Did you sleep well?”

Mina nods and walks towards her, grabbing a pear and biting it without thinking about it. Dahyun looks at her with her mouth slightly open and the ballerina lifts an eyebrow at her

“What's wrong?” says Mina, worriedly

“You're eating it…its dirty”

“Why?”

“Well…don't you know that people water the trees with dirty water? You need to wash 'em before eating them!”

Mina giggles and walks closer to Dahyun, patting her head before walking towards the sink and washing her already eaten apple with a smile on her face. This habit of Dahyun is specially cute

“So you're not waiting for breakfast with the others?” asks Mina

“Nope! Jihyo-unnie cooks pancakes every morning and I can't eat that every morning! It's not healthy”

The ballerina nods slowly and looks at the way Dahyun is slicing the fruit and placing it on the plate, she's extra careful of not letting the fruits touch each other on the plate. Mina tilts her head at this…so this is why Dahyun was diagnosed with OCD? It's not that much of a deal, really

“There you go” Dahyun says under her breath as she smiles at the neat ‘decoration' of her plate. Mina softly claps

“Who taught you that?”

Dahyun smile immediately turns sad, gentle. Like a fond memory is coming to her but she's scared of remembering whatever scene came to her mind. Mina knows she might've hit the nail on the head and she stays quiet, not wanting to talk anymore

“My mom”

“Your mom? So you weren't orphan since you were a baby…”

Dahyun takes a deep breath while Mina scolds herself about how awful that question was and she's about to ask for an apology before Dahyun continues talking

“Yeah, well…I never met my parents but I had someone who loved me lots at the orphanage. She was great and I called her mom all the time but she…I mean- we weren't blood related”

Mina nods and keeps quiet. Dahyun stays in silence before picking a slice of the apple and arranging the remaining pieces carefully in the same order as before

“She died shortly after I got here. Renal failure they said…I don't get it, she always took her meds and ate healthy” Dahyun shrugs and slowly chews the rest of her slice before grabbing another one and repeating the same exact process of rearranging everything in the same order “So that's why I gotta eat healthy once in a while, Mina-unnie. I don't want to be sick, you know?”

The ballerina girl wants to hug Dahyun, as tight as she can, with both arms and say some words of courage. She looks like she needs it so bad. But Mina respects her ‘friend’ limits and so she just pats Dahyun shoulder before pointing at her plate of fruit

“Can I grab one?”

“Uhm, yeah…just make sure to grab an apple, okay? I'm eating that one”

Mina nods and carefully grabs a piece of it, trying to rearrange everything before Dahyun makes sure to do the process herself. Mina still wants to hold her tight and maybe tell her how cute she is

“Mina-unnie?”

“Yeah?”

“Is there someone waiting for you out there?”

With a small, soft smile, Mina shakes her head and keeps eating her own pear that she forgot after Dahyun told her little story. Mina points at the ground and then at her heart with the same smile as before

“No, Dahyun. Everyone I care for it's right here”

Dahyun smiles back this time less awkward than before and nods surely

Maybe Jeongyeon it's right. Maybe there's really nothing out there other than what they have right here

* * *

"Momo, honey... I need you to hide under your bed and don't go out, okay?"

"Why Mommy? What happened?"

“Just do it, baby. I'll tell you later. Run, Momo!”

Scared to the bone and confused at every point of her body, a small ten-year-old Momo ran to her room and got under the bed making sure she reached the darkest point so that no one could see her. It was such an adventure to get under the bed, the more she grows up the harder it was and she was starting to get big for the narrow space under the bed

Hiding under the bed wasn't new to her

Her mother always had men who visited her, every day and none of them resembled in the least the frivolous memory she had of her father. Her mother always sent her to play in the park when she was "working" and Momo couldn't question her about it, she shouldn't ask what was happening. Sometimes the men came out of nowhere and her mother didn't have time to tell her to go to the park so Momo chose to lock herself in her room

Sometimes, like today, the man that Momo hated with all her might pays a visit

She doesn't know his name but she recognizes him perfectly: shaved head, greasy beard, grotesque, stinky with alcohol mixed with sweat and urine, always looking for money. Her mother told her that he was her boyfriend and that she should respect him. Momo wasn't sure about that...she doesn't respect her biological father, why would she respect that idiot then?

That guy was dangerous, a lot. He always beat her mother and left her in a pool of blood. Her mother always told her that she should not mess with him, should not approach or even breathe in the same room because then that weird man would end up hurting her

"Where are you, slut?!"

Momo breathed rapidly upon hearing his voice as he opened the front door of their house with a kick. Her mother must have been waiting for him at the place he said with the clothes he wanted and the way he asked. There was a moment of almost lethal silence and then the woman answered

"In the kitchen. What's wrong?"

“What's wrong you ask, bitch? It turns out that I already know what you did with the money I gave you! Are you crazy?!"

"Momo needed medicine... I wasn't going to leave her that way"

Medicines? Momo tried to remember that day she needed medicine and little by little the memories came back to her mind. A week ago, because she thought it was a good idea to go to the park in the middle of a storm, she had a cold and the fever was so great that the normal medicines did not help. Her mother had to buy another medicine and Momo managed to recover

She never thought that the money would be from that man and that he would come to collect it from her mother

"Where is that little slut?" The man's voice was still sounding like a nightmare. "When I'm done with her, she's going to need more than medicines"

"No! Wait!” Her mother shouted, Momo covered her ears when she heard two loud slaps echo through the house

"You're not going to tell me what to do, bitch!"

The silence that came after led Momo to tremble with fear and cover her ears once more as she closed her eyes.

_Stay away. Stay away_

She whispered to herself as the man's heavy shoes echoed down the stairs of her old house and almost seemed to make a hole in each of the wood steps. Momo kept reciting those words now only in her mind when she heard the man slam the door of her room

"Little slut~" the man sang with a sinister voice "Where the fuck are you hiding?"

The man took a couple of steps around the room, Momo managed to see him thanks to the light that slipped through the window and the hallway. Judging by the pattern of his steps and the strong smell of alcohol, he wasn't in his five senses.

He passed the bed with two heavy footsteps

"Where are you, little bitch?! I swear I'll kill you when I see you again!”

Two more steps, Momo now brought her hands on her mouth so he won't even listen to her breathing. She was sure that even drunk, that man could hear her under the bed.

Momo didn't know how much time passed, maybe it was an hour or fifteen seconds, but the man left with the same heavy footsteps. Climbed down the stairs and again he met her mother

There were two dry blows. The first produced nothing but the second made her mother shout. Momo got out of bed at full speed but stopped before going downstairs, panicking to be a new victim of that man and his cruel words

"Listen to me, whore" the man shouted. "I want my money for tomorrow. If you don't have it then I'm going to come for your stupid daughter and I'm going to fuck her in every possible hole while you look. Did you hear me?!"

There was no answer

"Answer!"

"Yes..."

"You are warned, fucking bitch!"

The front door closed with a rumble, Momo did not wait for her mother to tell her that everything was fine to go down the stairs and be able to see her, she simply did. She ran at full speed and found her mother lying on the floor trying to get up after those brutal blows. This time she wasn't bleeding and Momo felt a great relief... the last time they had to call a neighboring doctor to check her mother

"Mommy?"

"Its okay, love..." her mother spoke with difficulty "I'm fine ... Did he do something to you?"

"No…"

“Very well… let's sleep. Tomorrow will be another day"

With that silent promise, Momo helped her mother take a bath and then they both went to sleep on the old mattress they used as a bed. When her mother thought she was sleeping, she got out of bed and left the house probably to go find the money the guy had demanded

Momo sighed when she realized that tonight her mother wouldn't read a new chapter of her favorite book

The next day, throughout the day, her mother waited patiently for that man but he never arrived. They didn't even see him near the neighborhood. Momo smiled when she realized that her mother's promise had been true and today was a totally different day than the others. She felt happy to go to school instead of being stressed just thinking that her mother was in danger

Two weeks passed and the man did not return

A month and he still didn't come back

Her mother got a job at a convenience store and was rarely at home although now she had all the time in the world to read her favorite book at night and buy all the jokbal dishes Momo loved so much. Her mother even promised to buy her a bicycle similar to Mina's if she managed to improve her grades in class

Although her life was going pretty well after that man left (and that by this point, he was surely dead or arrested) on a particular day, Momo realized that something was wrong with her

Sana and Mina were playing tag on the cherry tree while Momo was in one of the highest branches of the tree. She had broken her record today, perhaps she finally managed to climb to those twenty meters that Mina was so afraid of. This time she could even see the canopy of some other smaller trees and some people looked like ants. She almost fell asleep on the branch with a pineapple lollipop between her lips if it wasn't because she hear Sana's desperate scream

"Don't do that!"

Mina was next

"That's mine! Stop!"

Momo climbed down slowly until she fell into one of the lowest branches (where Sana and Mina normally climbed) and finally she could see what made them scream: it was a boy, much older than them, trying to be funny he had taken Mina's backpack and began to urge between its contents laughing at every thing he found. People who passed by ignored the situation as usual, perhaps thinking it was a simple fight between children and wasn't going to happen anymore

However, Momo couldn't stand it

Because that guy reminded her of her mother's boyfriend and the beatings he gave her. They had the same attitude, the same need to hurt people.

Maybe she couldn't protect her mother but she could definitely protect Mina and Sana. Against anyone

Momo remembers that she jumped from the branch and fell behind Mina and Sana, yelling at the bully

"Hey! Give that back!”

Momo remembers that the bully let out a mocking and confident laugh

"Shut up, jackass"

Momo remembers that she felt the anger run through her veins without control

And then she doesn't remember anything else

When Momo regained control of her body and her consciousness, Mina was hugging her tightly while Sana covered them from something. The bully was on the floor with a broken lip and a cut above the eyebrow bleeding deeply, he was even crying and trembling with fear. There were many people around and Momo was confused

“Mina?” Momo asked the girl who was still hugging her “What happened? What are all those people doing here?”

Mina answers with a broken voice

"Momo, you... you almost killed that boy"

Momo opened her eyes in surprise not believing Mina's words

"I did that?"

“You started hitting him and you wouldn't stop. Sana and I managed to pull you away... What happened to you?”

What happened? Not even Momo could tell

Some time later, Momo heard a therapist tell the answer to her mother when she had arrived in anguish to consult him because nobody could explain why her daughter had reacted so violently to a simple bully who almost filed a report to the police

Anger issues

"Those kind of episodes can happen when someone suffer from this condition" the therapist spoke while writing something on paper. Momo and her mother were sitting in his office in front of the wooden desk and facing a constant smell of cinnamon tea that made Momo dizzy "I'm sure she does not need medication, certain therapies will make her better. It usually happens as a result of a threatening and hostile environment, it's a defense mechanism. So I would recommend that you go away from wherever you are living”

 _Threatening and hostile environment_  But her house was nice, comfortable. At least without that man. Momo was just trying to protect Mina and Sana

Momo and her mother no longer returned to that place. The girl wondered what happened because she really needed those therapy sessions. Surely it was the fact that they were too expensive for the job that his mother had and that it hardly helped her pay the bills

"Momoring~" A happy voice said one day while they were all sitting at the foot of the cherry tree. Momo was lying on Sana's lap and Mina rested her head on one of Sana's shoulders, the ballerina girl was silent for a while when she started eating a watermelon lollipop that Momo bought her at the ice cream truck

"What?"

"About what happened the other day..."

Momo knew Sana was referring to the incident with the bully. She was sure that had scared them more than ever and a part of her felt guilty of acting that way when it was something she couldn't control, it was a blast of burning fire that came out of nowhere and plunged her into an amnesia. Just thinking about that brought a bitter taste to her mouth

"What about the other day?"

"Thank you" Sana smiled and left a small kiss on Momo's forehead. Mina giggled at the action and continued to eat from her lollipop selflessly

"But..." Momo was surprised by her friend's actions and put a hand to her forehead "I hurt that boy"

"He deserved it. He was bullying Minari”

"Thank you for taking care of us, Momo." Mina's voice was soft and calm for a few moments before returning to her sweet frozen treat.

Momo understood that they didn't care about the recent 'problem' that the therapist had diagnosed. They only cared that she had protected them without hesitation and that removed some of the burden she had on her shoulders.

"Aren't you afraid of it?"

Sana shook her head several times while combing the strands of hair that had slowly fallen on Momo's forehead. Mina sighed and copied Sana's action with a wide smile on her face

"If the therapist says that it will help you then there is no problem"

Momo closed her eyes and was carried away by the sound of the breeze, a soft smile on her face

The next day, early in the morning and long before going to school, her mother woke her up in an almost desperate voice

“Momo. Momo. Wake up. We must go"

The girl could barely understand what her mother was saying, she was too sleepy to understand and just sat on the old mattress while watching her mother pack a lot of clothes in a suitcase that Momo had never seen at home

“We're leaving now, honey. Wake up"

Momo rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand

"What's up, mom?" Those words brought back memories of a night full of anguish. Her mother sighed and closed the suitcase tightly, Momo looked at her with eyes full of surprise

“Honey, it's unsafe to stay here. They could come for you and take you away from me”

“Who are they? What about Mina and Sana? I didn't tell them that I would leave...”

“I'm sorry, Momo but there's no time. You will see them later”

She left her old house holding her mother's hand with a suitcase in her other hand that was free. Her eyes looked into the distance, to where the park was and she wanted to wonder a thousand times what would happen to Mina and Sana

Time went by

Momo soon turned eighteen. She dropped school to help her mother with the expenses after long years of moving from city to city without a fixed home or good income. When Momo reached that rather special age, her mother decided that it was a good idea to return home

And one summer afternoon, she found Sana in her neglected and old house. Finding Sana was like taking a breath after being under water, like a coat on a winter day, like resting after a long day.

"I love you, Momo"

Sana's voice is recorded in her brain as a track on one of those old cassettes that everyone loves and that Momo collected at some time. Both are resting in Momo's 'bed' (which is nothing more than an old mattress) while a thunderstorm rages outside. Things escalated after a heated kiss, Sana said she was ready and Momo wouldn't complain and they ended up making love for the first time with the raindrops and thunder as their background music. It's been two months since they found each other again

Momo can only smile and she leans to kiss Sana lips for the umpteenth time although that kiss is much more softer than the previous ones that were charged with lust and pent up need to feel each other. Momo closes her eyes as Sana draws some characters on her abdomen, she's too sleepy to care about them

“We need to find Mina” Momo whispers, her voice drifting off. She's too tired: days without a proper rest, horrible shifts at work and the sleepless nights filled with nightmares. With Sana by her side everything seems to be easier “She must be around town…I just know it”

“Tomorrow will be another day, we'll look for her” Sana says as she kisses her jaw and Momo sighs at the sound of those words

“I love you, Sana” she mumbles, almost asleep

Things go black from there. Next morning Sana isn't around and Momo only smiles at the yellow post it note stuck to her cheek

_“Momoring! I have school today :( Wanna hang out after class? ;) I can't wait to kiss you again~”_

Such a tease, Momo keeps the note in her pocket as she dresses. But just when she's about to head to work, her mother waits for her at the front door with a suitcase and papers in one hand

Momo feels her heart drop at the sight.

_Not now, please. Not now…I thought I'll finally be happy_

"What's wrong, mom?”

“We need to go, Momo” her mother sounds tired, maybe as tired as her “Go grab your things, we're out of the city”

Momo can't feel the tears going down her cheeks until her mother walks closer to her and wipes them away with her calloused thumbs and a sad expression on their almost identical face

“I know this hurts, honey...but we need to go. He's around town and looking for us”

And just like that, Momo is gone one more time. Away from Sana, away from Mina, away from the life she just can't seem to have. She wishes to see Sana one more time, just to tell her that she loves her and that they will be back together even if the world seems to be against them. They will be back together with Mina and things will be as bright as when they were children

But things are never like that. She wishes she can apologize

Rage grows inside her

And it bursts three years after leaving Sana for the second time, on a Sunday morning

They were having breakfast, her mom and her. They have been travelling from city to city one more time, always hiding from that man and this time with no intentions of going back home. Momo is 22 by now. No one says a word and this is such a common sight these days. Momo can't help but feel angry at her mother and her lack of courage, she feels angry at herself for being so weak. She changed again, this time she dyed her hair blonde just so she could avoid any  _unpleasant_  encounters on the street

Momo is staying at a motel with her mom and the front door of their room bangs hard with a knock. Her mother stands up from her chair and opens the door

But then, right at that moment and like its filmed in slow motion, she goes flying back with blood spilling out of her head. Momo opens her eyes wide as she takes a good look at the scene developing slowly in front of her eyes

Her mother was shot in the head

By  _that_  man

Shaved head, greasy beard, grotesque, stinky with alcohol mixed with sweat and urine, always looking for money.

And Momo can't remember anything else

When she regains her consciousness, she's covered in blood and pieces of flesh. Her hands smell rotten and there's a gun in them. The man (or at least what's left of him) is on the floor: he has no face, ripped apart by the eleven bullets that Momo emptied with the gun, blood stains every single part of the floor and walls and she can only look at her mother corpse peacefully resting on the floor

“Oh my god!” she screams and she runs at her, cradling the woman with both arms and with tears running down her face “Mom! Mom! Oh my god…mom!”

The door is kicked open

“Freeze! Put your hands up in the air!”

Police takes her out and Momo is screaming

“Let me go! Let me kill him! Let me kill him!”

Everything is blurry for Momo from that point on. She remembers the voices of some policemen talking to the psychiatrist about her status, about what happened, she is innocent by law. They said she killed that man in self defense after he shot her mother in the head but they can't understand how she disfigured him with that gun, how she was covered in blood and only cared about her mother

Anger issues, they say again. This time she didn't protect anybody

And so Momo sits in the empty room with her back against the wall and the rotten smell of her uneaten food making her stomach churn, she's ready to vomit one more time. She looks at her hands and then closes her eyes

She won't sleep because of the nightmares but at least she can dream of Mina's gummy smile and Sana's happy laugh

* * *

It's already night

“Good night, Jeongyeon” Jihyo says with a small smile as she hugs her friend with both arms. Jeongyeon remains with her arms stuck to her body but smiles at the warmth she feels running through her whole soul. She makes sure to wipe out her smile before Jihyo can see it and she only frowns

“Good night, Thomas. Dream with machine oil~”

Jihyo only nods with the same smile as before and goes strutting towards her room. Jeongyeon is about to walk down the hallway to her own room before she feels a hand tightly holding her forearm. She turns around and is instantly faced by Nayeon. She's not smiling, she just has this neutral expression on her face. Jeongyeon smirks but she feels nothing…she just doesn't want Nayeon to worry in any way

“There's something I gotta ask from you, Jeong”

“Oh come on, right now?” Jeongyeon scoffs “I'm about to go to sleep, you annoying bunny”

Nayeon still doesn't smile and Jeongyeon is worried at this point

“Say sorry to Mina” Nayeon says firmly while Jeongyeon opens her eyes wide and then frowns

“Sorry? For what? Momo was the one who cracked my nose in fucking two! I might as well have four nostrils by now!”

The older girl just shakes her head from side to side

“Her best friend, one of the two most important persons in her life, is trapped in that horrible place with rationed food and water just as we speak, Jeongyeon…can you please be a  _human_  now and just say sorry?”

_Human_

Being human is so hard. Because Jeongyeon is tired of feeling

She just wants to be numb, forever

And she hates there's a small  _something_  in her heart that just aches for Nayeon. That is willing to do everything to anybody just to see her smile, that is willing to give her heart and soul in a silver platter just so she can always be happy. Jeongyeon can only sigh as she feels her heart beating wild inside her ribcage, echoing with traces of love

Of the love she never got before. Of the love that overwhelms her right at this moment, standing in a dim hallway with the girl she loves the most

“Okay…I'll say sorry”

“Say it like you mean it, airhead” Nayeon finally cracks a smile and she looks so beautiful, so damn beautiful that Jeongyeon can hold back…she can't

Jeongyeon knows that Nayeon has a strong limit, its part of her PTSD. Nayeon hates to be touched but is okay when it comes to Jeongyeon. And Jeongyeon promised she would never,  _ever_  do something against her will because Nayeon already had enough of that back at home, back when she was…

No, she doesn't want to think about it. She'll get angry if she does

So instead, Jeongyeon just thinks about Nayeon and her beautiful smile and she lifts her hand to touch Nayeon's cheek stopping for a brief second asking in complete silence if she can touch her. Nayeon nods and Jeongyeon finally strokes her cheek softly, leaning forward until she's just a few inches away from her lips.

Nayeon looks scared, her eyes tremble for a bit and Jeongyeon sighs, stepping back towards her room

“Sorry, Nabongs…didn't meant to do that. Rest well, okay? See you tomorrow”

But Nayeon stops her

“Jeongyeon-ah!”

Jeongyeon stops and, just as she's about to look at Nayeon, she feels a pair of arms wrapping around her neck and a soft pair of cherry lips on top of hers. Moving awkwardly and with zero experience, Jeongyeon smiles against the kiss and immediately relaxes in Nayeon's arms carefully placing her hands on the older girl slim waist

The kiss is too short, too brief. Jeongyeon really wants to ravish those lips but there's something that Jeongyeon wants more than that kiss and that is Nayeon's acceptance, trust and love. Because she's head over heels for her  _unnie_  but she's yet to make sure if Nayeon loves her the same

Jeongyeon rests her forehead against Nayeon who is still smiling and even chuckling as she tries to breathe slowly

“What happened?” The taller girl asks curiously with the same smirk as before “You doing things so suddenly”

“I really wanted to kiss you, Jeong”

“I'm glad you can do that now”

“I'll kiss you a thousand more times when I'm ready, okay? I promise”

Jeongyeon nods before placing a small kiss on Nayeon's forehead and patting her head softly

“Sleep well, idiot”

“You too, bighead”

They say their goodbyes and Jeongyeon can't feel more confidence than that to go and talk to Mina with a smile so big that she knows she'll get some questions from Chaeyoung who must be drifting off to sleep right at this moment but she really doesn't care when she made this promise to the one of the most important (if not the most important) person in her life

She opens the door to her shared room and finds Chaeyoung cuddling next to Mina under the covers in the ballerina bed. Chaeyoung is holding her favorite sketchbook as she shows her drawings to their roommate like an excited toddler. Jeongyeon smiles and walks inside trying to remain quiet, without making any snarky remarks about the obvious crush that her  _little_  best friend has on the new girl. Jeogyeon walks to her bed and sits down letting out a loud huff

“You're such an artist, Chaeyoung” Mina says with a smile as she flips another page of the sketchbook “How much for a portrait?”

"A portrait for you?” Chaeyoung asks with a huge smile and a small blush on her cheeks “That's for free~”

Jeongyeon can't hold back anymore and she makes a gagging sound before laughing out loud. Chaeyoung quickly gets up from Mina bed and runs towards her, tackling her unnie against the mattress and punching her sides without rest

"Don't ruin this for me, you fool!” Chaeyoung whines “I'm trying to be cute here”

“Just stop, please. I might throw up”

Mina laughs from her own bed, sitting on it and taking a hold of the covers. Her laugh is the only reminder that Jeongyeon needs to get back on track and into that one thing she had to do. So she lowers her voice to a whisper and pats Chaeyoung head softly

“Do you think you can leave me alone with Mina for a while? I gotta say something”

"Don't steal my girl, unnie”

“Yeah, yeah. Just go”

Chaeyoung gets up and walks outside, just a few moments after both Mina and Jeongyeon can hear her laughter coming from the neighboring room where Sana, Dahyun and Tzuyu sleep

Both girls remain in an awkward silence and that's exactly when Jeongyeon feels frustrated enough to let out a sigh and just vent out all of her emotions. She doesn't want to do this…she wants to feel numb and avoid emotions but made a promise to Nayeon and she can't fail her…Jeongyeon has failed all her life but she just can't fail to Nayeon

“Hey” the girl with short hair begins “I wanna tell you something but I need you to stay quiet, okay? I hate this sort of stuff…”

Mina only nods. There's no fear in her eyes and Jeongyeon feels good with this

“I'm sorry for being an asshole back then” Jeongyeon says with as much courage as she can gather because she's really scared of doing this. She hates to feel so much regret because she hurt three girls who are completely innocent. She hurt this girl in front of her who only wanted to help her “And I'm sorry that Momo ended in that shithole thanks to me”

Mina remains in silence and Jeongyeon feels awful before she grabs her head with both hands

“Sometimes I lose my mind so easily and it makes me so angry but…”

Nayeon's smile is the only thing in Jeongyeon mind right now. Her smile and her eyes and her happiness and just the huge progress Nayeon has made from the day she arrived to this moment. Jeongyeon pushes past her limit just so she can be better

“But you're doing this for Nayeon” Mina interrupts and Jeongyen lifts her head at that, her eyes locking with those of Mina “I saw the way you look at her. It's the same way Sana looks at Momo or at me. You love her”

Jeongyeon wants to cry. She hates to feel this much

“You already do a lot by protecting us” Mina keeps her tone of voice soft and gentle even as she gets up from her bed and sits right in front of Jeongyeon, the old mattress dipping down under the weight of both girls “You're already doing your best”

With a scowl, Jeongyeon looks at the ballerina from head to toe

“How can you say that when your rather explosive lover is trapped in there?”

Jeongyeon doesn't miss the way Mina's cheeks flare at the word  _lover_

“'Because Nayeon said we're like a family and I wanna be part of that family" Mina reached her hand towards Jeongyeon, her pinky raised in the air as she smiled gently one more time “I'll forgive you under one promise”

Jeongyeon looks at Mina hand like its cursed but, after a brief pause, she lifts her own finger and links it with Mina's

“What's that promise of yours, penguin?”

Mina flashes a gummy smile at the nickname and she's holding back a laugh

“Don't be so hard on yourself, okay? Pinky promise”

The taller girl wants to gag at the cheesy stuff that she's hearing but there's something in Mina that just makes her agree. Maybe it's her kindness, maybe it's her smile, maybe it's the way her voice sounds like a soft waltz played on a piano

Jeongyeon rolls her eyes and Mina finally let's out a laugh

“All right, all right…pinky promise”


	7. Kiss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mina gets her answers: she finally stopped daydreaming

_Weeks ago_

“This is a nice college at America, you'll be studying business there and with your grades there's no doubt you'll have a good scholarship”

Mina looks at the man in front of her, her father, the man who guides her through the long way of life or so he says. Mina has never seen him like that, not since she was a young child. She always called him ‘father’ and never ‘dad’ or ‘daddy’, she's not a guardian for her but the executioner with an axe, with the rope holding back the guillotine above her neck.

She fidgets with her plaid shirt, red in color and matching her denim jeans. Red, like Sana's favorite gummy bear. Red, like Momo's flesh wounds on her knees while she climbed the cherry tree. Mina lets her mind wander and fly to happier times, she loves to daydream and this time her dreams take her to that day when she was happy, when everything was perfect, when she couldn't care about the seasons or her parents strict demands. That time when she only cared about Momo and Sana and the games they played

Mina is 21 years old by now. People say she's a beautiful woman with angel-like features that she must've inherited from her mother. Her hair is short, black. She doesn't think her parents would let her dye it anytime soon

Momo should be 22 by now, Sana too even when her birthday is almost at the end of the year. How do they look now? Are they as beautiful as she thinks they are? They were really popular at the park and boys loved to shyly confess their feelings just to then feel rejection since Momo could care less about boys and Sana was a free spirit. Where are they now? Are they studying college? Is Momo as fearless as she was before? Is Sana as determined as she was before?

Questions that only her dreams can answer

It's been nine years since the last time she saw them. Nine years filled with changes and pain, and even more changes, tears, hurt, broken dreams…

Mina daydreams of another scenario. Her body being pushed to the limit as she twirls around a big scenario, the  _Coda_  from Act III of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake playing in the background, all lights on her, all eyes on her, as she attacks everyone with a beautiful rendition of the Black Swan. Her arms raised above her head, as a swan in mid flight. People clap and cheer but she only cares about two: Momo and Sana, doe eyes and happy laughs staring back at her with pride and joy

“Mina”

Her father voice brings her back to reality and she just lowers her gaze. They're sitting at the kitchen table and this looks like a police interrogation

Dancing made her happy. Ballet made her full and she has to drop everything for some business degree in America so she can take care of her father small business once he's too tired to take care of everything, to control everything just like now. Mina is scared of how much she wishes for her father to be too tired to keep going…

“Are you listening? Your flight is tomorrow”

Mina lies, pretends just like she's been doing since nine years ago. Hiding tears and pains and hurt and dreams of a bright life with no sadness, a life with color

“Why do I have to study business?” Mina feels brave. Like Momo when she fought against the bully “I told you I want to study arts” Mina feels determined. Like Sana when she smiles and says she loves them

“We talked about this before, Mina” his father voice is firm “You are studying business”

“You know that's not what I love”

"People don't live out of love”

“But that's what makes me happy!” Mina raises her voice for the first time in years and she feels great when her father looks surprised “If I have money but not happiness then I'm as good as dead!”

But her braveness ends quickly when his father uses his trunk card

“And then what?! Then you end up like those two dumb girls?! Where are they now, huh? They always said best friends forever and where are they now?”

Mina feels tears stinging at the corners of her eyes and two of them drop down her cheeks. She holds back a sob because her emotions are not worth in this house. She's made to please but not to be pleased, she's made to hear but not to be heard and everything just feels so heavy now…her whole heart is turned to concrete

Because, in the back of her mind, Mina knows her father is right

Momo and Sana left her

“Get ready for tomorrow and we won't have this talk again, Mina”

Her father left the kitchen. Mina wraps her arms around herself and cries hard, so hard that her whole body shakes with sobs and she trembles with fear. She just wants the pain to go away…

Mina can't think of anything else

And so, she walks to her room and opens one of her drawers (the one that her mom never checks). Mina takes out the thing she's been keeping since a long time ago, since she looked all over the internet on how to do this with a zero percent of failure.

The noose feels too heavy in her small hands but she could care less. It won't feel heavy in just a few minutes…

She slowly walks towards the bathroom, dragging a chair and the rope. Her mind is blank now, as if she's doing this only as a routine. As if she isn't about to end her life in the spawn of just a few minutes. Mina didn't even write a letter to the ones she loves…she wonders if that actually helps. The ones she loves are far away from her, too far and her parents would just rip that letter to pieces if they ever find it

Mina slowly ties one end of the rope to the shower and makes sure its tight enough so it won't slip. The other end, the one with the noose, goes around her neck and she makes sure to make it as tight as she wanted it to be, as tight as it feels to have zero support from her father, as tight as it feels to not be loved, to be forgotten, to be unwanted

A pair of tears leave her eyes one more time and she takes a deep breathe as she stands on top of the chair, looking down to the ground

To her death

She's scared

And Mina wonders if she's scared to die because she wants to live

She closes her eyes and takes one foot forward. Her daydreams take her far again, to that day sitting on top of the cherry blossom tree and she hopes the afterlife looks just like that: with Momo's doe eyes staring at her, with Sana's happy laughs brightening her day

Mina jumps from the chair. The noose is tight around her neck and she can no longer breathe. Now she just has to wait…

But Mina couldn't hear the sound of the chair falling and just a few moments after jumping, Mina feels a pair of arms around her legs pushing her back, making her breathe again, keeping her alive

“What the hell did you do, Mina?!”

_No, please. Not now_

“Oh my god! Mina!!”

_Not when I was so close to being happy_

Few minutes later, Mina was being rushed to the hospital in her father car still conscious but with her eyes closed so she won't have to give any sort of explanation. Her mind is still blank by now with a small exception

Her father saving her life it's the most cruel thing he had ever done to her

* * *

_Present Time_

“Hey, Mina. Wake up! Wake up, you're having a nightmare!”

Jeongyeon voice brings Mina out of her slumber as she quickly sits on the bed and looks around. The shared room is bright with sunlight which means it must be early in the morning. There's no birds chirping this time and she just stares at Chaeyoung who is sleepily rubbing her eyes with the back of her hands as she hears the commotion, Jeongyeon looks at her with worried eyes

It was a nightmare...

A nightmare of a very recent and burning memory

“Are you okay?” Jeongyeon places a hand on her shoulders “It was really bad right? You were breathing heavily and stuff…”

Mina takes a deep breath and brings her own hand towards her throath. The sensation of the noose around her neck is still vivid, like it was just yesterday and she's still getting out of the hospital on her way towards this place. She feels scared one more time and her body starts trembling as her voice gets stuck in her throat

“What's wrong, Mina?” Chaeyoung sounds worried as she sits besides her, the bed dipping with her weight “Are you okay?”

Chaeyoung wraps an arm around her shoulders and Mina leans on the embrace with her eyes closed as she struggles to regain her voice and get out of her nightmare. It still feels like she never left her home, she's partially scared that her father would cross the door to her room and bring her out of this little piece of paradise. Jeongyeon sits by her other side and sighs

“You scared me, penguin”

Mina looks at her, she feels her voice going back but just when she's about to speak there's heavy footsteps outside of the room and everyone turns their attention towards the door. Sana opens it with a bang and a big smile that goes from ear to ear. Mina quickly looks at her

“Minari!” she says with that loud, squeaky voice of hers “Come with me, quick!”

Mina is still drowsy from her sleep but she softly breaks away from Chaeyoung embrace and walks to Sana who quickly grabs her hand and pulls her towards the hallway. Mina can hear Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung walking right behind them but she only cares about Sana grip on her hand and how excited she looks

Then Mina realizes one thing

It's been two weeks

Which means…

“Momoring!” Sana says and let's go of Mina's hand as she runs towards the girl standing in the middle of the TV room with everyone greeting her. Sana jumps and wraps her legs around Momo's waist as the older one just pats her back and smiles wide. Mina feels even more tears in her eyes as she looks at Momo being so slim and fragile after all that time locked in the empty room and she's still giving all of her love to the excited  _puppy_  that Sana is

“Why do you always tackle me,  _Sattang_?”

That's a new nickname, Mina never heard that one before. She walks slowly towards them as the other girls watch with peaceful eyes

“Sattang?” Sana looks at Momo with a pout “Why are you calling me  _sweet_?”

“Well…you needed a new nickname, don't you think? Dahyun already took the Sana-chan”

Dahyun laughs out loud along Sana who gets down on the floor and kisses Momo's cheek with a loud, wet kiss making the older girl smile wide. However, their interaction is short when Momo looks at Mina in the eye and it seems like the whole place melts under her eyes. Mina wants to run to Momo in the same way Sana did but there's something holding her back. There's a little something that says ‘don't move’

Mina wonders if it has anything to do with the fact that they're just friends

Momo and Sana are lovers. They crossed the friendship line a long time ago and Mina can easily see that. But Mina and Momo never stopped being friends, best friends but friends in the end...

The younger girl thinks back to weeks ago, when the noose was tight against her neck and she couldn't breathe. At that moment she was scared, just like these two weeks without Momo.

Maybe it's time to be brave one more time

Momo walks towards Mina and the ballerina does the same until their distance is closed by a tight hug. Mina sighs as she feels Momo's arms around her torso and her hands caressing her back. It feels so good to be loved by Momo, it feels so good to fit in her arms, close her eyes and just dream towards that future that looks a lot brighter than now.

Mina hugs her best friend back and holds back from sobbing

“I missed you” she whispers so only them can hear “I missed you so much”

“I missed you too” Momo places a kiss on top of her head and then pats her head softly a few times “But I'm back now, don't I? I promise this time I won't mess things up, okay? I'll take care of you and Sana”

This time, maybe forever, Mina believes in Momo's words

They share their breakfast with all of the other girls. Laughing at bad jokes and feeding each other like it was the most normal thing in the world. Everything seems picture perfect, Mina feels like she's perfectly fitting in this place. Like the missing color of her life comes into the form of eight girls who welcome her like she's been with them forever

Momo is helping to clean the dishes when she feels a hand in her shoulder. She quickly jumps, afraid of a touch that is so foreign to Sana's or Mina's. Her eyes meet the soft smile of Nayeon and her cheerful features. There's no one else in the kitchen but them and Momo can only lift her eyebrow at this rather awkward interaction

“All the girls are watching TV but I need help with something…can you give me a hand?” Nayeon says in a rather cutesy voice that makes Momo take a step back but, seeing that she's harmless, Momo can only nod a few times

“Sure, what is it?”

“The garden at the back needs some grooming, come with me”

Nayeon grabs her by the wrist and Momo blindly follows like a kid in the supermarket aisle. They walk right in front of the girls who really don't care about them when they're so immersed in a mid-morning rerun of an old drama. Even Mina seems to be head over heels this cheesy yet entertaining show. Momo knows her girls are safe with the others and she trusts everyone even when her instincts say that she should stay. Finally they reach the garden that's just a few steps away from the forest.

“Usually Tzuyu helps me with this but…” Nayeon chuckles as she looks at Momo right in the eye “I wanted to talk to you”

Momo points at herself as the alarms inside her brain blare and ring, loud

“Me? About what?”

“I wanted to say sorry…for what happened weeks ago”

There's a brief silence, the wind softly goes by and makes a low whistling sound. The sound of the TV is faint in the background

“But you didn't do anything” Momo says softly as she remembers those blurry moments before she lost control. Nayeon was scared as she tried to push Momo away from Jeongyeon but she never tried to punch her back

"That's exactly why I'm saying sorry, for not doing anything” Nayeon walked towards the flowers in the garden and she bravely ran her hands on top of one of them: a ‘crown of thorns’ Momo remembers its name from an old book, a plant full of thorns but with beautiful flowers that grow all year around “Jeongyeon needed me and that's why she hurt Mina”

Momo keeps quiet as she looks at Nayeon. The girls looks beautiful with her hair falling down to her shoulders, a white hoodie and black pants, the sunlight seems to make her shine

“You love those girls, don't you?”

“They're all I have” Momo replies and crosses her arms across her chest, breathing fresh air feels wonderful “I got nothing if they aren't around”

“Well…” Nayeon giggles “Jeongyeon it's just the same for me. I always say that the day I met her I was born again” her voice turned soft as she touched one of the thorns in the plant with the tip of her fingers “But I can't protect her the same way she protects me and I don't want anything to happen to her…maybe more than an apology I'm asking you to be patient with her, please”

Another silence, this time more brief than the last

“I asked her to say sorry to Mina but I don't want any bad feelings between you two…I couldn't stand another fight and I need Jeongyeon more than the air I breathe” Nayeon looked at the ground, Momo took a few steps towards her “Don't take any revenge on her, please"

Momo placed a hand on Nayeon shoulder and smiled wide, as reassuring as she could

“Hey…no hard feelings, okay? I wasn't in my right mind when I did that and I promise it won't happen again”

Nayeon looks up at Momo and nods a few times

“Okay now, how can I help you?”

* * *

_A few days after_

Mina was tired of the calm facade that Momo always carried. She was tired of Momo looking so peaceful and so innocent every day since she had left that empty and dreary room. Mina was starting to lose her patience more now that her heart was confused between a thousand feelings and her own darkness.

Because she still felt that she was a third person in Momo and Sana's relationship. It was as she came not to fill their missing pieces but to create them and every time she thought about it with the same feeling as always, it hurt. A dry pain inside her soul that she couldn't explain with a single word

She hated that about herself

The group was eating dinner between noisy debates and laughter caused by Dahyun and her mafia game. Even Tzuyu seemed interested in playing, since they convinced her to stop taking her meds before bed, she seemed much more interested in the conversations and games that each one did when they were gathered at the table. Mina had learned to value those moments, normally dinner at her house was covered with a terrifying silence where no one had the right to speak even after finishing their meal so listening to all this noise everywhere was comforting.

Momo hadn't joined the group, she helped Nayeon with the backyard garden and then Jihyo to cook dinner so now she was exhausted from head to toe. Momo chose to take advantage that nobody was using the shower to take a bath and then go to sleep. Mina finished her plate of food and, since the whole group was distracted with the game, she walked to Momo's room.

The ballerina opened the door slowly and it made a creaking noise. Momo shared room with Nayeon and Jihyo and was lying on her bed with her pajamas halfway up her torso and her mouth open. Mina almost wanted to turn around and return to that mafia game... Momo hadn't had a chance to sleep in a comfortable bed since she arrived to this place and deserved to enjoy her rest.

Then, the younger girl remembered that she needed answers

Still taking care of her steps and trying not to move anything from its place, Mina reached Momo's bed and sat on a free spot. Momo immediately woke up, as if the bed was on fire with her eyes full of surprise even though they were wearily tired. Mina felt guilty when she saw the scared expression on her best friend's face

"Mina?" Momo whispered in a hoarse voice and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand to take off the sleepiness "What are you doing here...?"

Taking strength and courage from somewhere inside, Mina looked at her best friend with determination and spoke in the strongest voice she had ever used.

“Momo, I need answers. I'm confused and... I know it's not the time but I wanted to have this talk in private with you and..." The ballerina sighed when she realized she was rambling and closed her eyes so she could focus again "I need you to tell me why you left that day!"

Momo was surprised by the attitude of the youngest, Mina never screamed or even raised her voice and the fact that she just woke up didn't help much, her brain was slow. Mina's words didn't stop there

"You have no idea how horrible it was to live without you!" Mina could feel the lump in her throat and her heart beating so fast that she almost hear it in her ears. In the distance, a new round of laughter by the group roared across the hallways and she knew that nobody was listening to them “I lost all confidence in myself! You were very special to me, Momo. And when you left I didn't have anything left!”

Mina could no longer hold back her tears and they slowly slid down her cheeks, she still had her eyes closed

"I wasn't strong enough for Sana... I needed you. We needed you"

Momo had already forgotten the sleep she had yet to recover and the fatigue of the day. Now she only cared to repair Mina's heart with the broken fragments she had in her hands. Momo tried to sort her thoughts so as not to say something that would hurt her and then she knew she should be honest with Mina. Mina was not just anyone

"It was…because of my mother"

Mina opened her eyes and looked at Momo once more. There wasn't much light in the room, almost all of it came from the lamp lit in the hallway but Mina could clearly see every feature of Momo, every single movement of her eyes and mouth

"Some neighbor called child services and said that my mother was not fit to take care of me because she was a prostitute" Momo said that slowly, Mina didn't know what to say or what else she should ask so she just listened "My mother didn't want to lose me so we traveled far, as far as we could and until we ran out of money, we jumped from city to city. If I had stayed at home, they could've arrested my mother and I would've ended in an orphanage”

Momo looked down and gripped the sheets under her hands with enough force to rip them apart. She was making an effort to contain that rabid demon that always flooded her mind. Mina wanted to give Momo a big hug but her entire body was paralyzed by the story she heard

“I'm so sorry, Mina" Momo was on the verge of crying but neither her eyes nor her voice gave signs of any tears "It was awful to leave you guys behind and I missed you so much, you got no idea how much"

The ballerina wiped her tears and snorted. Both Momo and Sana had gone through situations they couldn't control, situations that had made them separate from what they loved most and their lifestyle in order to survive the cruel world around them. Mina knew then that she was very privileged even if she never felt it that way

"Why didn't you look for me?" Mina sounded hopeless, like a child who asks why Santa didn't bring their favorite toy for Christmas. "You looked for Sana but not me..."

"Of course I looked for you, Sana also did it" Momo shook her head several times and, almost desperately, tried to take Mina's hands although she didn't get a result because she could barely see where the girl was "But you moved from your home and your routine was no longer the same, no matter how much I looked you wouldn't show up…then I had to go away again and I couldn't look for you anymore”

Mina never thought about how difficult it could be to find a person in a huge city. They didn't have a phone number to communicate, keeping in touch with friends was harder at the time. Momo still had her puppy eyes begging Mina for another chance and Mina felt her heart churn at the sight. She just wanted things to be better for them, so they could live as happy as they wanted

"Mina... I-" Momo sighed and her strength vanished into the air when she thought it was a thousand times better to show her feelings rather than just say them. She was never very good talking to people and now it was no exception. Momo needed to let Mina know how special she was for her and that she hadn't left her behind out of her own free will

So, even in the dark, she leaned down to kiss Mina

Mina opened her eyes wide as she felt Momo's soft lips pressing against hers. She had no idea what she should do, she had never done anything like it. The younger girl heard the stories of her classmates saying that the first kiss was enviable and out of this world but Mina never felt an urge to kiss someone in her class or around the neighborhood

Momo suddenly showed up and pulled the worst out of her

Scared and with zero experience, Mina began to move her lips and closed her eyes while her hands rested on Momo's shoulders as a kind of support. She felt her cheeks burn with a blush as Momo cupped her own face with both hands and melted into that kiss, pouring every single feeling into her

The lack of air came soon for the ballerina and, gently, she pushed Momo away from her to take a breath and return to reality. That kiss had taken her by surprise and she felt strange... as if something suddenly fit perfectly. Mina no longer felt confused

Although she still believed that Momo and Sana had a closer relationship, this cleared many of the dark clouds in her mind

"Mina, I really love you" Momo whispered again in a hoarse voice as she stuck her forehead to Mina's and caressed her cheek with the back of her hand, she was barely inches from Mina's lips "You don't know how worried I was for you, how much I thought of you…I don't want to lose you ever again"

Momo was about to kiss her again if it weren't because they heard the voices of Jihyo and Nayeon wishing good night to the rest of the girls. That was the signal Mina needed to go back to her room and get ready to sleep even though she didn't think she could close her eyes all night after what just happened.

The room door opened, Nayeon suddenly stopped

"Mina? What happened? Is everything okay?"

Mina had to find the words to speak again. Not even that would do

“I'm fine… I came to check Momo. Goodnight"

Without saying goodbye to her best friend, the younger left at full speed passing by Nayeon and Jihyo who was in the hall without saying anything. Her face was red like a tomato and she hurried to her room. She just hoped no one had seen her in that state

Momo dropped into bed with a dreamy smile and a long sigh left her lips. Unlike Mina, it wasn't her first kiss, but that didn't take away how amazing it was to have kissed Mina for the very first time. The feeling of her lips on her, the blush on her cheeks…perfect

Nayeon ran to her own bed, throwing herself against the soft covers and then looking at Momo with a big smile. It was like she knew something

"What's with that smile, Momo-yah?" Nayeon asked as she lay down on the bed

"Ahhh it's nothing" Momo slowly shook her head "I just feel very happy"

Nayeon giggled and her head on her pillows. Jihyo looked at both of them with a raised eyebrow but just got underneath her own covers and got carried away by sleep.

Soon, the entire room was silent

Mina was in her room looking at the ceiling, it almost seemed to be a common habit she could not get rid of. Her mind was running around the kiss that Momo gave her: it was out of this world, soft, charming, just as she was, it was perfect. Mina covered her face with both hands and almost squealed

Momo had been her first kiss

And she couldn't be happier

Although a part of her screamed and kicked because what they were doing was not right. Momo already had a relationship with Sana and Mina wasn't supposed to be out there kissing with anyone as sensitive as she was emotionally speaking

Momo was not just anyone

"Mina is very happy today" Chaeyoung teased her from her bed and Jeongyeon giggled "It seems that the dinner had a little something"

"I think our penguin is thinking about someone" Jeongyeon continued the teasing

“Ohhh~ Who could it be? Me? Just think of Chaeyoungie”

Mina let out a groan and shook her head several times while still covering her face with both hands. Jeongyeon burst out laughing that was later followed by Chaeyoung

"It's nothing" Mina replied in her typical soft voice after removing her hands "Today was a good day, that's all"

"Sure" Jeongyeon replied.

"Yeah, definitely" Chaeyoung continued with a laugh.

When the room was already silent and everyone slept. Mina put her hands to her chest and smiled widely, the demons inside her head were silent and left her alone for the first time in a long time. A part of her brain was determined to play back a thousand times her kiss with Momo and she just hugged her pillow tightly, maybe if she pretended it was Momo then she could sleep better

Excited, she only thought of one thing

_Momo kissed me!_


	8. Lies & Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mina finds the real Jeongyeon hidden deep inside the forest

"WHAT?! What do you mean you kissed Minari?!”

Momo covers her ears with both hands as Sana raises her voice to that loud, squeaky sound that only she can have. They're sitting in the backyard, morning is bright and the few clouds in the sky announce a cool day. This has become their spot, the rest of the girls are trying to make breakfast without laughing out loud or pranking each other and this seems to be the only place when they can have a piece of their mind in complete silence. Mina is still soundly asleep in her room

“I won't forgive you, Momoring~” Sana whines and kicks her feet. They're on the ground with Sana sitting between Momo open legs and the older wrapping her arms around her torso “I really wanted to kiss her too!”

“Shh!” Momo puts her index fingers to her own fingers “I didn't think about it, okay? It just happened…”

Momo voice drifts off as she remembers the way Mina clung to her shoulders, the softness of her lips and innocence behind her moves. It was as perfect as she thought it would be since Mina showed up again in her life this time looking beautiful with that short, black hair and that pretty gummy smile that could never go away from her mind no matter how much she closed her eyes

“She is so beautiful now, don't you think?” Momo says with a dreamy smile “So, so beautiful”

“Oh stop it!” Sana whines again and this time looks behind so she can point her finger at her best friend “That won't make me soft for you, okay? You still broke our promise!”

Momo rolls her eyes and flicks Sana on the forehead, smiling at the small whimper that leaves her lips. Sana pouts cutely and grabs her forehead with both hands as she keeps looking at Momo with those beautiful hazel eyes of hers and Momo feels happy just by looking at her. Because Mina is only half of her heart, the other half is right in front of her so the older girl leans forward and kisses Sana briefly on the lips before patting her head

“Are you jealous, Sattang? I know we said that we would kiss Minari at the same time but I couldn't hold back”

“Momo, you meanie” Sana keeps her pout, folds her arms across her chest and then leans on Momo one more time while she looks at the forest “I wonder what would Minari say…I mean, we're in love right? But I don't know how would she take this”

“Take what?” the soft voice of Mina makes them look back as they find the girl rubbing the sleep off her eyes and softly smiling at them before sitting besides Momo and leaning her head on her shoulder “What worries you, Sattang?”

“Hey, that's my nickname” Momo whines but smiles at Mina before placing a kiss on top of her head “Had a good night rest?”

“Yeah, I'm still really sleepy but my room smells like pancakes…so you won't tell me what worries you?”

Sana laughs out loud at Mina's stubbornness and gets away from Momo embrace so she can kneel in front of Mina, smiling wide and taking her hands between hers. Mina looks at her with the same smile and rubs her thumbs over the pale white knuckles of her best friend

“Momoring kissed you yesterday, right?” Sana holds back a laugh when Mina blushes a deep red. Momo just chuckles “I'm actually mad that you didn't kiss me first! I'm a better kisser than Momo!”

Mina blinked a few times still looking at Sana

“So you mean…you aren't mad I kissed your girlfriend?” Mina asks with a small voice, maybe smaller than all the other times and Sana giggles at this still holding tight to her hands “Really?”

“That's what I meant before! I know this is weird as hell but…Momo and I talked about this before and we need you with us, Minari. You're part of us”

Momo makes sure to wrap an arm around Mina shoulders and then place a small kiss on the side of her head, whispering against it

“We're more than just girlfriends, Mina” the older girl says “We're one”

And all the things that made her cry and hate herself before, all the things that made her tie a noose around her neck slowly fade away and drift off like the clouds in the bright blue sky. Mina feels tears welling up in her eyes and she let's them fall with zero worries because she finally feels part of Momo and Sana, she finally knows that her happiness is back

“Oh no, darling…don't cry” Sana pouts and her eyes sparkle with tears “I don't want you to cry anymore, okay? I'm sure you done that plenty of times before…I want to see your beautiful smile forever”

Momo sighs and hugs Mina a little bit tighter, not knowing what to do in this moment

“I'm so happy” Mina says as she feels Sana hands on her cheeks, wiping the tears with her thumbs “Please tell me I'm not dreaming...you guys won't leave me again, right?”

Momo closes her eyes when those words stab her right in the chest with a sharp knife. Sana chokes on her tears and both girls have the same idea at the same time: they wrap their arms around Mina and hug her tight, letting her be free for the first time

“I won't leave you” Momo whispers

“You're my everything” Sana says “Our everything”

Some minutes go by, Mina remains in that hug feeling protected and loved but there's a small idea crossing her mind…

“Sana” the soft voice makes Sana look at her “Do you…I mean…I want to kiss you”

Momo smiles wide before chuckling and Sana almost squeals on her spot as she nods furiously and there's a faint blush on her cheeks as she speaks on a gentle tone of voice

“You really want that, Minari? You don't need to”

“I want to”

“Okay then”

Sana smiles again and then slowly leans forward until her lips are against Mina's and she softly kisses all of her worries away, moving her lips after Mina does the same. Sana kisses are way more soft than Momo's and she slowly savors the difference between one and the other. It's hard to put into words, Mina feels that kissing Momo is like sunlight and kissing Sana is like a warm embrace on a winter day. Two different sensations but they're the same

Momo chuckles when Sana breaks away from the kiss and blinks a few times

“Wow, that was powerful” Momo says as Sana laughs and Mina blushes before giggling

“Yah!" Sana pushes at Momo with both hands “Don't make it awkward, you goof!”

“Guys?”

A foreign voice makes them turn their heads towards the back exit of the hospital, the one that leads to the place where they are sitting right now. Chaeyoung is standing right by the door with an expression that screams bad news. The three girls look at each other before looking at Chaeyoung

“Come inside, the psychiatrist wants to talk to us”

Mina feels a chill running down her spine at the sound of those words. She suddenly remembers that she never got her ‘punishment’ after protecting Sana from the psychiatrist. Sana quickly reads her mind and looks at her in the eye, not scared. They don't say a word as they step inside following Chaeyoung towards the TV room where everyone is already gathered and waiting. Jeongyeon, Tzuyu, Dahyun and Jihyo are sitting on the couch, Nayeon and Chaeyoung are sitting on the floor right in front of the couch and the three remaining girls choose the same spot. Momo quickly reads the situation and makes sure to sit between Sana and Mina for a quick reaction

The psychiatrist is standing right in front of the TV, looking at them like a lion hunting its prey, carefully studying their faces full of fear and terror for the uncertain situation. The male nurse is by the corner of the room. Mina gulps when the woman makes direct eye contact with her…this woman wasn't like this when she arrived and the doctor she saw before suddenly left. So many red flags but somehow she can't piece them together

“As you may know, the monthly family visit happened a few weeks ago” the psychiatrist starts and Mina is on the brink of a breakdown. Sana reaches for her hand behind Momo back, they're trying to hide this from their other half but they know Momo isn't stupid. She sees right through their lies “There was a particular incident that involved Miss Minatozaki, Miss Myoui and Miss Im”

Sana is sweating, her face remains stoic as her grip on Mina's hands tightens. Momo slowly moves forward

“Said incident breaks our rules like none other before and I have to say that such an attitude has to be punished”

The world stops. Everyone looks at each other but nobody says a word

“Miss Im” says the psychiatrist “You're the one who broke the rules so may you please take a step forward?”

Mina is anxious. Nayeon stands up and faces the psychiatrist with no trace of fear, her hands are stuck to her sides and she looks like a soldier ready for orders but her eyes never fall, they remain looking up as if they're challenging the authority one more time. Mina knows they can't hurt Nayeon then…why is she so anxious?

She takes a look at Jeongyeon who is carefully watching the scene in front of her

“The stunt you pulled back there, Miss Im, almost costs me the job” the woman whispers so only Nayeon can hear and the other girls remain confused as of what they're talking about “So now I'll make sure to tone down your little rebel side”

Nayeon smirks

“Really?”

“I don't like that look in your fucking eyes and I make sure of breaking them”

The psychiatrist turns around and turns on the TV that has a movie paused on a scene nobody can tell apart since it's dark and blurry, she then looks again at Nayeon and her voice is finally heard by everyone

“Miss Im, I want you to watch this scene 'til the end”

Nayeon quirks up an eyebrow and slowly nods as the psychiatrist pushes play on the remote. The scene starts playing and Nayeon eyes slowly open wide the more the video runs

It's not a movie…its a recording

“What…?” Nayeon whispers when faint voices can be heard in the background

_Are you sure she's drugged enough?_

_Definitely, she won't remember a thing_

_Just let me record this…_

The background of the video is a hotel room, barely visible since the light is dim and weak. The camera that's recording is on top of a drawer and it has a perfect view of the bed right in front of it. There's a girl on the bed dressed in a school uniform, she's unconscious by the way her limbs dangle like a rag doll. Two boys laugh and clumsily make their way to the bed while slowly unbuttoning their pants

_Holy shit, I really dreamed of this day_

“What the fuck do you think you're doing?!” Jeongyeon screams in the background as Nayeon slowly drops to her knees in front of the TV, her hands covering her face as she sobs and tears stream down her cheeks falling to her lap. Jeongyeon runs towards the psychiatrist but is quickly tackled by the big male nurse, who holds her back with a tight grip on her neck. Forcing her to watch the TV and Nayeon crumbling in tears

“You deserve this, fucking retard" the nurse says as Jeongyeon struggles to breathe but keeps fighting, keeps pushing because Nayeon needs her and she needs to protect her! There's gotta be a way to break free from this…

There's obscene noises coming from the TV and everyone in the room is in absolute shock: Mina hides her face behind Momo's shoulder, Sana softly tears up, Jihyo is hugging Tzuyu while Chaeyoung has turned her back and Dahyun remains in shock

“Stop!” Jeongyeon chokes and coughs “Stop it, you bastard! You're hurting her!”

The woman in the video is Nayeon. Much younger and pure, innocent

“Stop!” Jeongyeon screams again as she slowly feels the air leaving her lungs. She doesn't know if she's screaming at the smirking psychiatrist or at the guys in the video but she looks at how all the progress they made, Nayeon and her, slowly slips from her fingers to never come back

Nayeon is still crying. How is this possible? The police said that video was under their custody and nobody could ever make use of it, that those two boys were behind bars and they would never hurt her again

But she remembers one small thing

The psychiatrist asked for that video when her parents chose to brought Nayeon to this place. She said they were for the sake of the therapy…

“I hope the lesson is learned” the woman says as she turns the TV off and makes her way towards the door that leads to the outside, to where her office is. The male nurse lets Jeogyeon go and the taller girl makes a struggle to breathe again with long puffs of air “I am the authority in this place and whoever dares to question it will be punished”

Momo looks at her with rage, she flinches as the woman walks in front of her and looks at the girls safely hidden behind her body

_I dare you to get close to them_

The woman smirks and keeps walking with the nurse behind her and they finally leave the TV room

The whole place is deadly quiet, even Nayeon sobs have stopped by now. Jeongyeon is dizzy but she has to move, she has to break free because Nayeon needs her. Nayeon told her about this before: she said she hated to be touched, she said she has nightmares and can't bring herself to be intimate with anyone, sometimes a thing as small as a perfume can trigger horrible memories but meds were helping and Jeongyeon support made her trust people again, cherish everyone in here as if they were family. She even pushed herself to kiss Jeongyeon

Jeongyeon had no idea things were this bad

“Nayeon” Jeongyeon whispers as she crawls towards the girl “Nayeon, please…look at me”

There's no response. Jeongyeon makes the awful mistake of putting a hand to Nayeon shoulder

“No" she says with a hoarse voice “Don't.…don't come near me, please”

Jeongyeon is surprised by this and she ends up sitting on the ground with an open mouth as she looks at Nayeon. Jihyo walks towards Nayeon and offers her hand for a few minutes until Nayeon finally grabs it.

“Let's go to your room, ok?” Jihyo softly calms her friend as she drags her in the direction of her room “I'll stay there with you until you feel better”

As the silence reigns in the room again, Jeongyeon is left behind with pieces of a broken heart

* * *

The hospital is somber and quiet that same day at night

There's no mafia game or loud cackles, no “orphan jokes” or happy faces at the dinner table. It's like every human emotion has been wiped out and nobody wishes to look at each other in this dreadful situation: Nayeon is soundly sleeping at her shared room after tiring herself out with tears all day long, Momo promised to take care of her but Jihyo said there's no need since she won't leave the room, Jeongyeon spent the whole day in the forest, Dahyun and Chaeyoung looking for her at every corner while Mina, Sana, Momo and Tzuyu sat at the river

Tzuyu leans forward to dip her hand in the stream of water while Sana grabs at the back of the tallest girl black hoodie so she won't fall head first into the river. Mina is cuddling Momo, anxiously looking at the farthest part of the forest to see if any of the other girls came back. They've been looking for Jeongyeon since sunset with no result and, deep inside, Mina is scared that Jeongyeon did something…wrong

“Chewy-ah! You're so heavy! Stop leaning forward!”

“I just want to touch the fishies!”

“Well, the fishies are gonna kill you if you don't stop leaning forward!”

Chaeyoung comes forward from the forest, anyone can see that she's tired by the way she drags her feet through the fallen leaves and dirt but there's this…light on her eyes that's hard to describe, like a spark that goes away as soon as it showed. Mina looks at her quietly but with concern, hoping that her concern can be translated into some sort of action to make the girl feel better but it really has no use.

“You look like you need a rest” Momo says as she lays her head on Mina’s lap and looks at Chaeyoung “You guys been walking all day long...sit for a bit”

“No” Chaeyoung is firm in her tone of voice, she takes her hands to her knees and bends forward taking a deep breath before putting her back straight. Mina thinks she looks older, more mature than everyone around her. Wearing a white muscle tee, some short pants and sneakers the girl doesn’t look intimidating but...her will is what makes her totally different to anyone else

Jihyo said it before, Chaeyoung isn’t “sick”

Maybe it’s that? Everyone else seems to have said their goodbyes to the outside world

“Where’s Dubu?” Tzuyu asks, she gave up on her fish hunt and its now sitting cross-legged beside Sana “And where’s Jeongyeon-unnie?”

“We’re still looking for her, Tzu” Chaeyoung says and her eyes soften as she looks at the tallest girl, its obvious she has a soft spot for the younger in the house “But I promise we’ll take her back”

“Tell her I didn’t take my meds today so she can be proud of me”

All the girls seem crestfallen by Tzuyu’s words. Sana combs the girl long, soft hair several times before leaning her head on her shoulder and grabbing her hand. Chaeyoung looks even more determined now and she turns around to walk towards the forest one more time. Mina looks at Momo, who has her gaze focused on the starry night sky and seems to be lost in her own thoughts.

She needs to be brave again

But this time for Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon

“I’ll go with you” Mina says, Momo quickly sits up and looks at her with wide eyes while Sana seems as surprised as her best friend “Let me help you”

“But you don’t know the forest, Mina” Momo protests “You’ll get lost”

“No offense, Mina-unnie” Chaeyoung interrupts “But you have nothing to do with this, okay? Just stay here and we’ll keep looking”

“I made a promise with Jeongyeon” the ballerina stands up and dusts off her clothes, walking towards Chaeyoung “I can’t fail that promise right now”

Chaeyoung seems confused but, maybe with a thousand feelings already in her head, she nods and walks towards the forest with Mina following closely. Momo stands up and tries to walk just behind them before Sana voice pulls her back into reality

“Leave them, Momoring. They’ll be okay”

“But Mina…”

Sana feels like a bunch of thorns wrap around her throat and choke her, holding her back from breathing fresh air and the dim scent of Tzuyu’s perfume. It’s difficult to say it but she seen it before with her own two eyes, not only now or this moment. She seen it when Mina protected her or when she asked for a kiss.

“Mina is not a girl anymore. She doesn’t need us for everything, you know…”

Momo seems ofended by the words, she frowns and looks at Sana with heavy eyes before sighing and sitting on the ground one more time. Mina and Chaeyoung are nowhere to be found and they must be deep into the forest now. Silence fills the whole backyard, like nobody is there. The night breeze comes suddenly and shakes some trees from side to side, Momo crosses her arms and sighs...fall is close, it’s so easy to see and feel and smell with just the passing of days. She closes her eyes and lifts her head up to the sky, wondering how does the cherry blossom look now after so many years without looking at it

Maybe the cherry blossom is no longer there. Maybe its not their favorite place anymore

Just like the younger Mina

“I’m sleepy” Tzuyu mumbles and, without warning, leans towards Sana pushing her towards the ground and cuddling just beside her with an arm circled around her waist. Sana giggles and places a small kiss on the tallest girl forehead. It’s like she’s a baby...an unpredictable baby but one at the end of the day. Sana thinks there’s nothing more pure in the world than her

“Sleep tight, Tzutzu” Sana says softly “Good night”

A good ten minutes after, Tzuyu is snoring softly and Momo looks at the cuddling pair on the ground with a tilted head just like every time she’s curious about something

“When I asked about what everyone had...nobody told me what she has” Momo starts

“Schizoid personality” Sana answers frankly “Its like...she doesn’t show much emotion and she doesn’t like to be around people that much but the psychiatrist mixed everything up and they think she has hallucinations so they give her really strong meds”

“How the fuck do you mess that stuff up?!” Momo yells and throws her hands in the air “You can’t be THAT stupid!”

“Well...it is like it is”

Another minute of silence, the breeze seemed to be more aggresive by now. Dahyun came out of the forest, comically dragging her feet and arms like she was a rag doll. Momo smiled and Sana laughed just as the girl slumped on the floor with her arms wide open looking at the sky and breathing heavily

“Fuck...I’m so damn tired” she mumbles

“How did it go?” Sana asks

“Not really good, I couldn’t find her. It’s close to midnight and I REALLY want to sleep! Chaeyoungie won’t drop this, man…and I don’t think she will in the whole night”

“I’m sure they’ll find her” Momo continues “She couldn’t go that far...the whole place is wired”

“Yeah, sure” Dahyun scoffs and stands up before dragging herself inside towards the hospital “Good night, ladies. I’m totally wasted and not in the fun way...see ya tomorrow!”

Sana and Momo wave goodbye to the girl before looking at the forest again in the middle of a silence that’s never awkward for them. Silence, at least for them, usually means a good way of reflection to the inside. With that reflection in her mind, Momo takes her mind to Sana words:  _Mina isn’t a girl anymore…_

She isn’t. Momo knows that

But…

“Please, let me protect you guys”

Sana says nothing. Not a question

“It makes me feel safe. I...I can’t lose you too. I’ve lost everything because I couldn’t protect it so please...let me protect you”

A brief silence. Sana is the one to break it this time

“It’s okay, Momoring. You’ll always have us”

* * *

Chaeyoung hasn't said a word since they went back into the forest. Mina thinks she should respect that silence and just keep looking

The place is huge, even when from the outside it looks like nothing more than a few meters. The forest part of the hospital is definitely a few kilometers too long and Mina already feels tired even when she's been sitting outside of it all day long. Chaeyoung is fearless, she takes a good hold of a small lamp she hid in her clothes and focuses her attention in every detail that her eyes never caught before. The trees aren't that tall but they're dense, too dense and the moonlight barely filters through them. There's a few leaves on the ground thanks to the breeze and they softly crunch every time they take a small step

"Careful, Mina-unnie" the girl says and focuses her lamp on the ground "There's a few big rocks around the place, if you trip...it's gonna hurt like hell"

"I'm okay" Mina softly smiles even when she knows the darkness won't help "Be careful too"

"Yep"

They must be a kilometer inside the place when Chaeyoung leans on a tree and whimpers. Mina can't see her. She has no lamp and the it's too difficult to see anything beyond her nose however she  _heard_  her and so the ballerina girl stops on her tracks and looks back until she caught a glimpse of Chaeyoung leaning on the tree with the lamp hanging from one hand

"You okay, Chaeng?"

These past days have been hell but Chaeyoung was there for her: she talked about her favorite music and sang a little before she was too shy to continue, she draws funny-looking cartoons and comics, she sits besides her at the dinner table and cuddles under the covers at night. Chaeyoung is so fearless and cheerful...like Sana. But even the brightest of the souls, no matter how "healthy" and pure it is, tends to wither. There's only so much pressure a human can take and Mina is worried that Chaeyoung has reached that limit so with careful steps she walks towards the girl and places a hand on her shoulder

"What happened?"

"I'm so tired" Chaeyoung whispers "I-I can't move my legs anymore"

Mina takes her hand, entwining their fingers together

"Let's go back. We can look for her tomorrow...maybe she's camping somewhere"

"No, no" Chaeyoung shakes her head from side to side "You don't get it, Mina-unnie. Jeongyeon-unnie isn't just a friend for me, she's my sister..."

And then the fearless Chaeyoung crumbles to the ground like the leaves fall with the breeze. Mina holds her tight by the waist but eventually falls along her and both sit down at the roots of a tree with the smell of moss and water floating around them like a hungry shark on bloody water. Mina doesn't know how she can keep all the pieces of this girl in place but she'll make her best try with whatever is inside her

"Jeongyeon-unnie is all I have" the girl continues, she tries to stand up but her legs betray her and falls again on her back with a loud growl of pure frustration "I can just leave her out there when she needs me! Let's move"

"You can't walk anymore, Chaeng" Mina uses her soft voice, one that always worked before and she hopes it does now

Chaeyoung growls again and finally surrenders, slumping to the ground just beside Mina and breaking into uncontrollable sobs. The ballerina is quick to wrap her arms around the small frame of her friend and bring her close to her chest, give her all the love and support she deserves right now. Mina tries to feel Chaeyoung pain: what if Momo got lost like this? What if Sana got lost like this? Would she be as helpless as Chaeyoung is now? Would she fight until her very last breath?

"She protected me so much during our days at the orphanage" Chaeyoung says between sobs, not caring about her broken voice or the wet stains she's leaving on Mina's shirt "That place was horrible, the closest thing to a nightmare...beatings every day for something as simple as spilling the milk on the table or going to bed past curfew. The people there always said we were the worst of the worst, kids that nobody loved and that's why they dropped us at that place. Jeongyeon-unnie would always tried to protect the younger ones from the punishments or the beatings and she always got the worst side of things...but she was always so brave and fearless. I grew up wanting to be just like her until one day she messed up badly and almost killed one of our guardians...they sent her to this place and I knew I had to be brave on my own"

Mina listens and listens and she keeps thanking heavens for making her a good shoulder to lie on

"I know going against the rules is useless...I tried to be just like Jeongyeon-unnie and they said I had the same problems so they sent me here too and I wanted to be enough for Jeongyeon-unnie so she can be proud of me but..." Chaeyoung breaks in sobs again, tears clog up her nose and throat "But I'm a good for nothing! I can't protect her like she protected me!"

"No, Chaeyoung. You can't protect her just like she did" Mina starts and hugs Chaeyoung a little bit tighter "You can protect her in your own, new way, okay? We will find her and you'll know that you're enough just like you're now. Let's go, I help you"

Mina doesn't know where she found this renovated courage but she's liking it so far. The ballerina wraps an arm around Chaeyoung waist and another behind her shoulders and neck. Chaeyoung tightly grips the lamp and they slowly start to walk through the forest one more time not caring about the darkness or inminent dangers that came with a place like this. After a few minutes of going deeper into the forest, Chaeyoung saw the metal fence that marked the end of the hospital territory...she went by this place too many times throughout the day without any result but, for some weird reason, this time was completely different. Mina gasped when she saw a highway beyond the fence and, as a car zoomed by, they could see the fence was cut in several places: an easy escape

Chaeyoung felt her whole soul leave her body...

There was no more hope

Until a shadow crawled from under the fence

Mina smiled wide and pointed at it

"Look, Chaeng!" the ballerina waved her free hand in the air "Hey! Over here!"

"What the fuck are you guys doing here?"

Chaeyoung was too weak to run but her eyes filled slowly with tears and she felt a pair roll down her cheeks

"Unnie..."

"Penguin? Chaeng? Goddammit...aren't you guys cold or something?"

Jeongyeon dusted off her clothes as she made her way towards them with a lifted eyebrow and some sort of scowl on her face. Mina held tight onto Chaeyoung who seemed weaker now than ever

"Where were you?!" Chaeyoung screamed, not caring about the sound of her voice echoing all over the place "I looked for you all day long! I thought something happened to you!"

"Hey, hey, I'm okay" Jeongyeon raised her hands in the air "I went outside for a bit, nothing too fun really maybe one day we can go there with Dubu. Bring Penguin too since she seems to be your bestie right now"

"Chaeng is too tired to walk" Mina interrupts "She walked all over the forest looking for you"

And Jeongyeon let out a loud cackle as she shook her head from side to side before picking Chaeyoung for a piggyback ride like she was a paper doll. Mina looked at the scene with a soft smile, said smile was carried away by the breeze when she caught a glimpse of Jeongyeon's face thanks to the dim moonlight: there was tears running down her cheeks, real tears but she looked so well that nobody could suspect a single thing about her emotional state. Mina choose to remain quiet, give Jeongyeon the benefit of the doubt

"Let's go back, useless gnome" Jeongyeon said as Chaeyoung wrapped her arms around her neck and buried her face in the crook of her neck "Enough adventures for today"

"Don't do that again, unnie" Chaeyoung whispered softly "I love you"

"Yeah, yeah don't get all corny and shit! Let's just go get your baby bottle and then...night night"

Chaeyoung kept quiet the whole walk back to the place. Mina remembered that image of Jeongyeon crying and curiosity got the best of her like most times. She was worried

"Jeongyeon...are you really okay?"

Jeongyeon kept quiet for a few seconds before replying with no filter

"Never better. Don't worry too much about me, penguin. It be like that sometimes besides...I made a promise, remember?" Jeongyeon lift her pinky finger close to Mina's face and then kept walking back

As the wind roared like a furious lion, Mina let it caress her hair and face with only one thing in mind

Maybe Jeongyeon wasn't as dangerous as she seemed


	9. Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe the night is the best time of the day

Jeongyeon is lonely sitting at the TV room, her eyes fixed on the black screen that shows a distorted reflection of herself. Moonlight filters through the windows and makes rectangle-shaped shadows on the floor, the trees outside shake with the breeze and she takes a look at the forgotten, old clock on the wall. Its close to 1am but she isn't tired and much less sleepy, her head is heavy with thoughts as most of the time

She runs a hand through her short hair and ruffles it a bit, growling in frustration when the memories of today come rushing like a tide of dirty water. Maybe it was her fault for being so ridiculously stupid and teach Nayeon all the ways in which she could rebel to everyone in this place. Maybe it was her fault for trying to protect them from the psychiatrist when she just couldn't swim against the current

_I love you, unnie_

Then there's Chaeyoung and her gentle heart. That girl is a lion when she's hurt but a cub when she's around her. Sometimes Jeongyeon wonders why the hell does she live in a world with people like Chaeyoung, people who are too good for her, with a heart so pure and not filled with shadows like hers

“Unnie?”

Jeongyeon sighs.  _‘Talking about pure people’_

“Tzuyu…what are you doing awake?”

"I'm thirsty, are you scared or something?”

She wonders how she can coexist in a world where she tries so hard to remain a mystery but people like Tzuyu can read right through her lies

“Nah! You know I'm no coward”

“Mhm" Tzuyu nods and shuffles her feet, walking towards the kitchen to grab a glass of water. In her way there, she stops in front of Jeongyeon and looks at her with heavy eyes, eyes that for some reason reflect no hurt, anger or hate. They're just deep but in a good way “I missed you today, unnie”

With a giggle, Jeongyeon just nods. How can they love her?

“Yeah, yeah. Just grab your drink and go to sleep, puppy”

“I'm a puppy?” Tzuyu giggles and throws her arms at Jeongyeom tightly hugging her with her arms around her neck and a big, wide smile on her beautiful features “I'm so glad you're back, unnie. You wanna know something? I didn't take my meds today! Are you proud of me?”

_‘Why does it hurt so much?’_

“Of course! Next time you should take them only at night, okay? That way you won't feel sleepy, you'll be healthy and maybe you can catch fish with us again”

Tzuyu nods excited and kisses Jeongyeon cheek before grabbing her glass of water and waving goodbye. Jeongyeong waves back and sighs...people must be crazy if they think Tzuyu is as ‘sick’ as she is: Tzuyu doesn't belong to this kind of place, she should be out there doing whatever she loves. Those fuckers that diagnosed her know nothing about her, about how sweet she is once she trusts you.

They're human beings…how long will it take for them to see that?

Just when she thinks she's about to be alone, there's more shuffling. The shadow that looms around her makes Jeongyeon lift her gaze and chuckle once she sees Momo sitting on the couch

“Don't tell me you're thirsty too”

“Not really, just wanted to check on you”

“Why? So you can kick my ass one more time?”

Momo scoffs, she's about to break this girl nose again but she holds back.  _Count to ten_  she says to herself on the inside. Rewind. Repeat

“Nayeon was asking for you”

Jeongyeon flinches

“She was?”

“You're special to her, asshole. Stop pushing her away when she needs you! Where were you?”

Jeongyeon faces Momo with an angry stare even when her heart is a hurricane of emotions going from anger to sadness to frustration. She hates how people can see right through her no matter how much she hides it. If she is this weak then how can she protect everyone around her? It's stupid. The short haired girl wonders if she should tell Momo about her escape route

She does

“I know a way to get out of here, it's at the very end of the forest beyond the metal fence”

Momo opens her eyes wide

“You…escaped?”

“Yeah” Jeongyeon nods and brings her knees to her chest, hugging them with both arms “But I came back just a few minutes ago”

“Why?”

"Because there's nothing for me out there…everything I need, everything I love is in this place” A brief pause and then she continued “Chaeng, Dubs, Chewy, Penguin, Thomas, Shasha, Nabongs…even you, ugly peach”

Momo frowns at the nickname but she takes what she can get right? It's much better than her usual dose of  _fucker_  and  _asshole_

“I'm an orphan and grew up in a low quality orphanage run by the government. As you might know, it sucked…our caretakers treated us like garbage and I always was at the losing end of things because guess what?” Jeongyeon chuckles, a dry sound with no meaning “Apparently I was the daughter of a whore and those kinds of kids can never get love, don't 'ya think?”

Momo keeps quiet, as quiet as she might be with the obvious link she just found between her and Jeongyeon. She pushes away her pride and talks for first time in a while

“I know what you feel”

“Bullshit, you'll never”

“My mother was a whore too” Momo cringes at the degrading word she used for her mother, it hurts “She always had men at home so I guess you can call her that”

Jeongyeon nods slowly and brings a hand to her hair before chuckling, another dry meaningless sound

“Such an irony”

“Maybe…”

“The people at the orphanage said that. I was an undesirable and they just pushed me to be defensive, you know? Everytime they kicked a kid I would kick them back and then they would make me scrub down the bathrooms with a toothbrush and a gallon of bleach. Have you ever used low quality bleach? Damn…your eyes sure hurt when you use it”

Momo goes back to her quiet state

“So I have no one out there…Chaeng was the one I was worried about when they sent me here but then they send her here too so I don't care anymore. And well, Nabongs is here with me…what else can I ask for? You sure know what is like, don't you?" Jeongyeon looks straight at Momo's eyes “Protecting others because you couldn't protect yourself”

Violent flashbacks comes to Momo's mind: blood, blackouts, pain, screams. They're quickly replaced by the need to protect a certain gummy smile and a squeaky laugh. She knows what Jeongyeon means like it's some textbook passage

“Why did they send you here?”

“Mhm…let me see if I remember the stupid name they said” Jeongyeon closes her eyes, throws her head back and then smiles “Got it! Anger issues! Just like you, my good friend the peach. I punched the hell out of a guy, so hard he almost dies”

“Well, would you look at that…such a rookie move. I actually killed the guy”

Jeongyeon laughs out loud, its choked and noisy. The male nurses will surely check on them soon

“You know what? You're actually really cool uhm…what does Sana say? Oh yeah.  _Momoring_ ” Jeongyeon laughs again but this time is more calm “We can actually be friends”

Momo smiles and slightly kicks Jeongyeon on one side

“I would like that” Momo suddenly remembers what she came for in the first place “By the way, Jihyo is staying at your room today. She said you better check on Nayeon”

“Huh?” Jeongyeon tilts her head to one side “What about you?”

"I'm staying here…don't worry about anything just go check on your girl”

Jeongyeon nods and stands up. She feels she's about to face her worst fears combined and turns around to look at Momo who is already getting comfy on the couch

"Good night, Peach”

“Good night, Jeong”

* * *

Jeongyeon opened the door to Nayeon shared room slowly and the rusted piece of wood creaked as it was haunted. The short haired girl pouted and cursed under her breath as she slowly walked inside. Everything was dark so she left the door slightly opened, out of every room in the hospital this was the only one that had no windows so light never got in. It was scary and Jeongyeon wondered if Nayeon was scared of it at some point. Momo wasn't around, she ended up crashing on the couch and Jihyo was sleeping with Chaeyoung and Mina for tonight

She finally reached the bed where Nayeon was sleeping soundly and sat at the edge. Jeongyeon let out a shaky breath as her eyes got adjusted to the dark and she finally saw Nayeon calm face, much too different from the scared look she had in the middle of the morning. Jeongyeon reached her hand to caress her face but she knew it was a bad move and stopped mid action, Nayeon was scared of her touch. She just wanted to tell her everything going to be all right

But she wasn't so sure about it

And she wants to stop lying to Nayeon

Pushing back tears and glancing at the open door, Jeongyeon sighs again

“I wish I could take away all of your pain” Silence, there's so much inside her chest that she just can't say it no matter how much she pushes. She has to! She needs to stop being such a coward! “I wish you could smile all the time…like when we played tag on the hallways, remember? Chaeyoung clinging to Tzuyu leg so she won't tag Dubu. Sana laughed so much that she cried and Jihyo was so mad at us that she kicked you out of the room” Jeongyeon giggles but the memory is bittersweet and her laugh dies as quick as it came

She keeps quiet, it's hard to hold back her tears and they sting. The damn tears sting as much as a slap, as a hurting word

“I wish I could chase all the nightmares away…take away all the memories from that day that tore you apart”

And finally, without holding back, Jeongyeon cries. Because she can only be honest with Nayeon, there's no one else in the world who can see through her as she does. Her chest hurts, heavy with guilt and pent up tears from the past. She couldn't be weak but she finally reached her limit

Nayeon is her limit

“Fuck…I just wish I could make you happy but look at me, look at me being a fucking mess…I love you so much and I can't even take care of you the way it should be”

Jeongyeon sobs and grips the bedsheets in tight fists, until her knuckles turn white with rage. She grits her teeth as the taste of salty water comes to her lips. It's so frustrating to break down like this, scared to the very core, feeling like a kid scrubbing dirty floors with a toothbrush and a gallon of bleach

Her sobs are so loud that they end up in the worse case scenario: Nayeon waking up

The girl looks confused as she slowly opens her eyes and sits up in the bed. She sees Jeongyeon crying and something inside her just…hurts

“Jeong?”

Jeongyeon quickly wipes her tears with the back of her hand, pretending that they were never there even when they were too obvious. She smiles wide and sobs one last time before raising her hand to greet Nayeon like nothing happened before

“Hey, dumb bunny. How are you feeling?”

“You were crying…” Nayeon looks concerned. Jeongyeon feels her chest tight one more time  _‘Don't you dare to cry one more time, Yoo fucking Jeongyeon’_

“Of course not! You think I'm such a pussy? Pff! Keep dreaming”

Nayeon sighs and moves forward until she's facing Jeongyeon and she reaches for her face, her thumbs caress her cheeks and feel the wet remains of tears on the soft skin. She feels a lump in her throat as she wraps her arms around the taller girl and she trembles under her hold

“I'm sorry” Jeongyeon whispers, Nayeon can feel a warm patch of something on her shoulder “I'm so sorry, Nayeon…I'm so sorry”

“What's wrong? Why are you crying?”

“I couldn't protect you from that bitch…I'm so useless”

Nayeon finally understands and she takes her chance of crying now that Jeongyeon can't see her. Holding tight to this girl that shook her to her core

She remembers the first time she saw her: Jeongyeon had long hair back then, up to her shoulders and her eyes were scary. Heavy with a bunch of emotions as they looked at her up and down. Nayeon was scared because she had the same look as those boys: fiery, ready to kill and break. They were the only patients back then and the psychiatrist said that Jeongyeon was dangerous so Nayeon should be careful around her

They shared rooms, Nayeon found out that Jeongyeon loved to keep her part of the room dirty because it reminded her of the orphanage where she grow up, where all the kids loved to leave their toys on the ground. She found out that Jeongyeon had the most stupid sense of humor in the world. She found out that Jeongyeon wasn't dangerous, she just was defensive after a life of abuse and trauma. She found out that Jeongyeon respected her limits: never touching her, never making dirty jokes, never talking about anything that could trigger any painful memory

And Nayeon fell in love with her. Hard. Deep

Jeongyeon promised she would protect her. Like she protected the kids at the orphanage. Like she protected Chaeyoung and everyone she considered family…

“Jeong” Nayeon starts as she tries hard to control her voice and tangles her fingers in Jeongyeon short locks “Its not your fault”

“But I feel guilty” Jeongyeon sounds disappointed, broken “I wish I could've met you earlier then I could've killed those boys one by one and maybe you-”

Nayeon hates those words so she stops Jeongyeon and kisses her. Her kisses are still shy, scared, but Nayeon pours her heart and soul on it and prays that Jeongyeon can feel her love through her lips as she moves them slowly on top of hers and tastes all the tears she let out before

“But I met you at the right time” Nayeon says and she smiles, as much as she can in the middle of this breakdown “I met you here in this place and I'm happy with that because we're together…even if we go out of here and find somewhere where they really help us, I'll stick with you forever”

The older girl leans forward and kisses Jeongyeon again, this time on her forehead

“You can't get rid of me that easily, you airhead”

Jeongyeon laughs and hugs Nayeon by the waist, resting her head on her chest

“I love you, Nabongs”

“And I hate that stupid nickname” Nayeon giggles “I love you too, Jeong so please…promise me that we'll heal together, okay? I won't shut you out and you won't either”

Nayeon lifts her pinky finger. Jeongyeon has to laugh at the irony but she still links her own finger with Nayeon's and smiles

“Pinky promise”

* * *

The night is quite uncomfortable for Sana when there's no one sleeping by her side.

She's been so pampered this last two weeks when Momo wasn't around, everyone tried to make her forget her loneliness and anxiousness. Jeongyeon would make even more awful jokes, Dahyun won't hesitate to cuddle with her every time. Jihyo always cooked her favorite food and Mina stuck to her like glue, pushing herself over any boundaries and trying to be as strong as Momo just so she could feel better. However, no matter how much time went by, Sana is still scared that one day Momo would leave again without a warning. Just like she did when they were children. Just like she did again after spending the night together

Sana is unable to hate. She can't hate the psychiatrist for doing unspeakable things to everyone in the hospital. She can't hate her parents for not supporting her (after all, they said they only want her back when she's healthy which is kind of understandable...except for the fact that Sana condition does not have a cure and she needs support rather than more medicines). Sana can't hate on Momo for leaving

But if she leaves a third time…her heart might not take it

She remembers that day clearly. Walking along the shortcut on her way back from school, happily singing one of her favorite songs and stopping right in front of Momo's old house. The night before was nothing short of magical and she just wanted to kiss Momo again and again until they were laughing at stupid jokes and funny faces.

But the house was empty

The door was wide open and nobody showed up when she called. Anxious and scared, Sana ran all the way to Momo's room where all those promises and kisses and jokes had been made, when they swore they would look for Mina so this happiness could be complete. But it was empty too, clothes thrown around, papers everywhere. A small yellow post it note shines like it's made of gold

_“I love you Sana, I'm sorry”_

As Sana cried on her knees holding the crumpled note tight against her chest, she thought life was over for her. Nothing good could come out of her life now and she spent the next days thinking she would die alone, that she would never find Mina, that Momo never loved no matter how she made her feel…

And now she has them back in her life. Together

“Sana-unnie?” Tzuyu says as she enters their shared room. Dahyun is soundly asleep, she's even snoring but Sana has been awake since some minutes ago when Tzuyu opened the door and walked outside “Are you okay?”

“Yeah” Sana says brightly because no matter how awful she feels, she can't show that face to her girls “And you?”

“Just went to get a glass of water…I was really thirsty”

“Well, go back to sleep”

“You too”

They both nod. It seems awkward but nothing it's what it seems when it comes to Tzuyu. She's random, unusual. One minute she's cuddling you and laughing and the next she says you stink. Tzuyu is a whole different innocent person and Sana can only try to understand

The oldest waits for a few minutes until everything is quiet again and then she gets up, going out of her room on her tip toes towards  _that_  other room and hoping to find her favorite person in there. She knows Momo isn't in her room, Jihyo asked her to talk to Jeongyeon so they're probably at that right now. That only leaves Mina…

Being away from Mina was awful but refreshing at the same time. Sana is ashamed of how much she needed that distance so she could take care of their bond now more than ever. And it hurt to see how much Mina had changed through the years not just physically but also mentally. It was as if she didn't need Momo or Sana anymore, turning into an independent woman with her own dreams and her own wings to fly

For the first time in years, Sana is scared that Mina leaves them this time

It's only fair, right? They left her first…

Sana slowly opened the door to Mina's shared room. Jihyo was sleeping in Jeongyeon's bed while Chaeyoung was draped across her own bed with a pillow over her face. Mina looked like the sleeping beauty, her hands carefully tucked under the blanket and her head slightly tilted to the side. Still on her tiptoes and just like a cartoon, Sana reached Mina's bed and poked her cheek with her index finger

“Minari” she said in a scream-whisper, poking the girl one more time “Minari”

Mina stirred awake and blinked a few times. The room wasn't as dark as other times so she could easily see Sana and she was shocked by the sight, she constantly rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand

“Sana? What are you-?”

“I can't sleep” Sana pouted, hoping it'll work just as much as when they were kids and she wanted a taste of Mina's lunch “Can I sleep here?”

“You'll get in trouble” Mina says but scoots towards the farthest side of the bed leaving a wide space for Sana. Sana smile is wide as she slips into bed next to Mina and hugs her tight by the waist. Mina throws the blanket on top of them even when it isn't enough for both

“Thank you, Minari” Sana kisses the youngest cheek with a smile and rests her head on the crook of her neck “You know…tomorrow is a special day for everyone”

“Oh really? Is it someone birthday?”

“Nope, you'll see but I'm really excited because I get to spend it with you and Momoring” Sana chokes back on her tears and she hates herself for being so damn emotional. She doesn't want to be like this “You'll love it!”

Chaeyoung whines and Jihyo growls before sitting on the bed

“Sana, will you be quiet for a second? We're trying to sleep”

“Sorry, Ji” Sana giggles and hides under the blanket until Jihyo is sleeping again and Chaeyoung doesn't care about the noise anymore

Mina is softly going back to sleep before she kisses Sana's forehead and let's out a long yawn

"Good night, Sattang”

Sana wants to say a thousand things to Mina: how scared she is of being alone, how much she loves her, how she can't sleep because she's scared of waking up and realizing everything was a dream…

But she forgets all of those things when she's near her

“Good night, Minari”

She might say everything tomorrow


	10. October's Fools

“So what's the big deal with today?”

Mina stands up behind Sana, her own arms on her waist like she's some kind of superhero. It's still too early in the morning for her mind to function properly, the old clock on the wall showed 8 o'clock AM and she's about to throw herself out the window. She's not a morning person no matter how entertaining this seems: Dahyun and Chaeyoung are setting up a medium-sized tent while Nayeon and Jihyo argue about food. Jeongyeon and Tzuyu are by the river, concentrated on catching any fish that might swim by. Tzuyu is loving it judging by her loud giggles

Sana is happily singing some old nursery rhyme, watching Dahyun and Chaeyoung struggle with the tent. Momo is in her arms, still half asleep with her face hidden in the crook of Sana's neck and her eyes closed

 _'What a big baby'_  Mina thinks, pouting. She would love to be Momo right now and the big, wide yawn she let's out is a big proof of how tired she is

“Its October's Fools!” Dahyun says with a smile “Like April's Fools but with October”

“So you're gonna make even more crappy pranks?” Mina keeps pouting, Chaeyoung frowns

“Ouch, that was unnecessarily mean”

“Hey! Our pranks never suck!” Dahyun interrupts and points at Mina “And you laughed the last time we put baby powder on Jeongyeon's coffee!”

“That was really funny” Momo giggles and snuggles further into Sana. Mina groans and wraps her arms around both of her lovers. She just wants to sleep again, just a few more minutes, maybe while Sana softly combs her hair and Momo's heartbeat lulls her to sleep

“Its not a prank day” Sana explains, her smile could outshine the sun “Its like our birthday! Since we all met at different times, Jihyo said we should take one day in October and make it our anniversary”

Mina nods slowly, she's drifting off. Sana's voice is so sweet

“But these two lovely dorks named it October's Fools”

Dahyun and Chaeyoung burst out laughing

“Its a good name” Chaeyoung replies and shrugs while Dahyun nods frantically

“Because its October and we're fools! Is a great name!”

Momo groans, Mina doesn't know if it is because she's at the losing end of this big snuggle pile or if it's because of Dahyun really bad joke

“Yah, Momo-yah” Nayeon shouts, her hands cupped around her mouth “Come help us with the food!”

The older girl ears perk up at the sound of food and everyone laughs. It's like she turned into a whole different person just by the sound of it and she quickly gets away from Sana and Mina's embrace to run towards Nayeon and Jihyo. Mina saw her chance and, like an excited puppy who sees it's owner after a long day, she hugged Sana with both arms around her waist and her face hidden in the crook of her neck just like Momo did a few seconds ago before food got the best of her. Sana laughs at Mina sudden attitude, this is too... _daring_  for her

"What's wrong, Minari?" Sana says after a giggle and by pure instict wraps her arms around her younger lover "Is everything okay?"

"I want to sleep" Mina mumbles "Let's go back to sleep"

"We can't" Sana's voice is still so gentle, so soft. Mina closes her eyes and hopes Sana can keep up with her dead weight for at least the next hour "I been around this place for two years now and I never got to spend any of those anniversaries with you or Momoring so please, will you stay here with me?"

Mina knows Sana is just cutely luring her into this celebration and she also knows  _that Sana knows_  Mina isn't a people person but somehow those words kick Mina in the gut: Sana has been as alone as her or Momo these past years and in the middle of her loneliness she was pushed inside this place that welcomed her with open arms but was void of any of the love Sana needed. Sana was pretty much like a flower: she needs water and sun to grow and Mina knows exactly who the water and sun are

By instinct, the younger girl wraps her arms even more tightly around Sana and softly nods against her neck

"All right, I'll stay"

"I'm so done with this thing" Dahyun whispers angrily and kicks the still unopened tent that's lying on the ground like a deflated balloon. The girl power walks towards the river and almost screams at the top of her lungs "Jeongyeon-unnie! Come and set the FUCKING TENT!"

Chaeyoung, Sana and Mina laugh out loud at Dahyun outburst. Momo, who's in the middle of cutting some carrots, tilts her head and walks towards Dahyun

"What's wrong with the tent?" she says, her voice curious

"Well, it won't get into this...triangle-shaped thingy!" Dahyun is so frustrated by it that she looks funny and the fact that Chaeyoung is laughing at her instead of helping is even better

Momo stays silent for a while, inspecting the tent carefully like it's some sort of map to never get lost and then grabs it from the ground. Some quick hand movements here and there: pulling and pushing flexible metal structures so the tent can easily stay on the ground without deflating. In a matter of minutes, the tent is standing proudly before everyone shocked eyes

"Wow!" Dahyun quickly forgets about her frustration and gets inside the tent along Chaeyoung, both too excited to thank Momo for her 'effort' "Chaeyoung, get the fuck out of here! You did nothing to set this up!"

"Oh come on, unnie! You just kicked it!"

"Now you have to set two more, Momoring" Sana giggles and hides behind Mina's hair "Just saying!"

Momo fake groans and walks towards Nayeon and Jihyo, completely ignoring the bickering Chaeyoung and Dahyun who are still insulting each other and trying to fit as many plushies inside the tent without bringing it down.

Their day was spent between cooking some edible food (Jihyo and Mina's work, Momo stuck to cutting the vegetables and why not? Tasting it while Nayeon ordered everyone around), setting up two more tents (Jeongyeon did the rest after Momo faked to forget how she did it the first time) and lightning up a small bonfire without getting anything burnt (Sana and the three youngest did their best and, god knows how, they cooked some fish without turning everything into a tragedy)

It was late in the night, everyone gathered around the bonfire since the air was getting cold and their coats weren't that good. Fortunately the fire did its work and brought a good amount of heat to everybody. Nayeon was hugging Jeongyeon, her head on her chest while Jihyo leaned on the tallest girl shoulder. Dahyun, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu cuddled under a big, light blue blanket giggling at how close they were to each other and fake kissing more times than they could count. Momo sat between Sana's legs, Mina sitting beside them with an arm wrapped around Sana's shoulders

“It's so cold" Jihyo whimpered and got closer to the bonfire, her hands reaching towards the flame “I hope the tents aren't as cold”

“Well, considering they're like a thousand years old maybe they will be” Jeongyeon shrugs “I found them on the trash, you know…”

“I just hope that Chaeyoung won't fart with all the fish she ate” Dahyun giggles, her smile mischievous as she pinches her nose “She ate like an orphan”

“Shut up, unnie. It was better than last year when Nayeon-unnie cooked…”

Nayeon looks at her with a raised eyebrow

“What's wrong with my cooking?”

“Nothing, Nabongs” Jeongyeon kisses the top of her head “It was great, just like my mom cooking”

“But you don't have a- OH MY GOD YOO JEONGYEON I HATE YOU!”

Jeongyeon almost falls on her back with how hard she's laughing and everyone else is infected by her laugh, they know the joke it's bad and it's just so  _cruel_  to laugh at their misery like that but it strangely makes them happy, it strangely cheers them up

Nothing is normal in their relationship so they might as well enjoy the weirdness

“Why did you choose today as the anniversary, Jihyo?” Momo asks, as curious as always

“Because today is the day the whole personnel goes home. The male nurses, the psychiatrist, everyone” Jihyo smiles gently at Momo, her motherly aura is even more prominent in the middle of the night with the light from the fire shining on her face with different shades of black and orange “They never get a vacation, just a free day and it is today so…we can do whatever we want”

“Wow and here I thought you did it because it was close to my birthday” Jeongyeon chuckles, Jihyo does the same and just shakes her head

“We all met at different times” Jihyo starts and looks at everyone with a longing look. Out of everyone in this place, she's the only one who actually volunteered to enter this place, no one forced her, nothing pushed her, nothing but the need to feel better after all those tiring days where she couldn't understand what was happening “But I'm really happy we can all gather here this day. We're all happy now, right?”

Jihyo looks straight at Sana's eyes and the oldest can only nod. She knows tears will get the best out of her. There's still so much that Sana needs to say but she has to keep quiet until Momo and Mina are the only pair of ears listening

“I really want to say that I want to spend many more anniversaries together” Jihyo continues, her gaze drops to the ground and her smile seems bittersweet “But that'll just mean we'll be locked here for a long time and…I don't want that. So I just wish we can spend many more days like this but outside this place, when we all understand our conditions, when we're all healthy and happy and just…being ourselves. I'm so proud of everyone and I want to keep it that way”

Silence seemed to be the only answer

“Let's be together for a long time, okay?” Jihyo says, her smile bright and her eyes sparkling with a singular light “No matter how let's just stay together”

“Of course! I don't want to be a double orphan"

“Would you STOP with those jokes, please?!”

* * *

Sana made sure to close the front of their tent, everyone called it a night after the breeze suddenly got colder and the bonfire did them no good. Momo was lying on top of the sleeping bag Jeongyeon borrowed her, fighting off sleep and yawning constantly. Mina was already under a bunch of blankets and looked at the plastic roof of the tent, probably as sleepy as Momo was.

"Everyone is already asleep" Sana whispered as she left her shoes near the entrance and made way towards her own mat, kicking away some blankets

"We are exhausted after today" Mina said

"No kidding, just look" Sana tilted her head in Momo's direction and laughed when she heard her snore softly, finally falling asleep with her mouth open. Mina giggled as she watched the older woman sleep soundly. She was restraining from just crawling towards her and kissing her good night

However, Mina's attention was stolen not by Momo and her sleeping habits but by Sana and her  _special_  sleeping habits she never saw before: Sana got rid of her pants, throwing them away. She was left only in her underwear and the oversized hoodie that probably belonged to Dahyun by the looks of it. Mina immediatly blushed and pretend not to look, covering her face with the blanket

Even when she felt embarassed by this sudden display, Mina couldn't help but peak over the covers to look at Sana's well-formed legs and how beautiful she looked with that hoodie that wasn't large enough to leave too many things to imagination. Sana noticed Mina's stare and smiled wide, almost malicious, before approaching the ballerina with slow steps and bending down so she could give her a soft kiss on the forehead. Her actions totally away from the pure sin her body reflected

“Good night, Mina-chan”

Mina closed her eyes for the kiss, it brought her back to reality. This was the Sana she loved not for her body but for how sweet she was. Her new nickname was a perfect description of her personality

“Good night, Sana”

Saying no other word, Sana moved to Momo without any caution (it almost seemed like she was on a mission to wake her up). Momo was still lost in her nocturnal paradise mumbling words and moving a bit too much, still with the clothes she used to help Nayeon and Jihyo, covered in drops of all kinds of food. Sana bent down just as she did with Mina and left a kiss on Momo's forehead, wet and noisy, far from being tender and rather playful

Momo immediately woke up with a shocked face. Both Sana and Mina, deep in their minds, felt some kind of sadness and anger combined. They tried to ignore the reason why Momo was so easily disturbed in her sleep. Sana kissed her forehead one more time, slowly just like she did with Mina, cupping her face with both hands

“Good night, Momoring”

Momo smirked, that confident and smug side-smile that took away the innocent and naive aura she carried with her almost everyday. Mina giggled as she followed Momo's eyes, she knew very well where they were looking

"Don't you think it's a little too cold for  _that_?"

“Do you like it, Momoring?” Mina dared to ask, if she never dared she would never know and could never get rid of her shy and introverted barriers. Momo and Sana were always this playful and Mina wanted to join, she wanted to experience everything with this girls she loved so much

“Of course I like it! She looks beautiful"

Sana tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and straddled Momo, combing Momo messy hair after her little nap. Sana smiled, as smug as Momo's smirk

"Oh really?"

"Yeah" Mina and Momo said at the same time. Sana couldn't help but laugh and then threw her head to the side giving a perfect image of her neck that made Momo's mouth water as Mina gulped

Sana said no more and leaned down to kiss Momo, no sweet kisses full of tenderness and protection. It was a totally fierce, animal kiss, full of a desire and need to possess each other. Momo growled between the kiss and her hands went to Sana's legs, marking them with the tips of her fingers leaving behind a trace of red. Mina was hypnotized by that exchange of caresses and kisses...all kinds of colors went through her face until she landed on a bright crimson

The ballerina sat on her mat covering herself with a blanket while still watching Momo and Sana kiss as if tomorrow did not exist. As if those kisses would save them from any problem. Mina felt her entire body burn when she saw Momo's hand slide beneath Sana's shirt and caress her back. Almost pouting, Sana broke away from the kiss and stroked Momo's face a couple of time, looking at Mina with a side glance

"Don't you think you saw too much?"

Mina almost falls on her back. Her speech turning into a clicking typewriter

"S-sorry! I-I di-didn't mean to!”

Sana let out a laugh and Momo smiled at her gently as she signaled with her fingers to get closer. Mina was still afraid to approach because her insecurities were still many and because experience told her it was better to stay away from the burning fire if she didn't want to get burn

"Come on, Mina" Sana tried to convince her once again "What's wrong?"

"I-" Mina put aside her silence so she could talk about what she had inside. These are the girls she loved the most, the  _only_  ones she loved. There's no point in keeping quiet anymore "I got zero experience and..."

Momo and Sana looked at each other for a few moments, very brief but for Mina they felt as long minutes and brought another blush to her face. Maybe she was pushing herself to the limit, maybe she was taking things too fast. The ballerina suddenly felt small as she shrunk under the blanket draped over her shoulders

Sana moved away from Momo and crawled towards Mina in a rather cute way, much different from what Mina expected. Once she was close to her, she sat next to Mina and stared at her

"Are you jealous because we were making out?"

Just by listening the words  _'making out'_  Mina felt she was going to explode. She could already feel the thick drops of sweat sliding down her back and sticking on her forehead and now more than anything she begged the world so that her enormous level of inexperience will not be noticed. Momo also approached her and sat on her other side, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and making her feel more flustered than before.

"It's not that" Mina whispered, shaking her head slowly "I-I don't want to interfere with you. You know what to do and all of that and me...I barely kissed you two and that's it! I don't want to mess everything up”

Sana sighed and side hugged her younger lover to kiss her on the cheek and then rest her head on her shoulder. Momo remained in the same position, her voice barely a whisper as she talked to Mina

"You know we won't do anything you don't want, right?"

"Exactly, Minari" Sana nodded "We will never force you to anything"

"Could we...?" Mina took a deep breath to scare the butterflies fluttering in her stomach "Could we just kiss? Won't you get angry at me?"

Momo shook her head, Sana just smiled

Mina understood without another word, she turned her head and leaned towards Momo immediatly capturing her lips between hers in a slow kiss. Momo moved her body so she was facing Mina and continued kissing, setting up a different pace, a little bit faster and guiding Mina through the movement. Sana scooted behind Mina and wrapped her arms around her waist as she settled her between her legs.

Momo groaned, her mind hazy with a new found desire for every inch of Mina, unconsciously she brought a hand behind Mina's neck and deepened the kiss. The ballerina placed her hands on Momo's chest, softly pushing her back after the sudden change in the rhythm

“Momo” Sana warned softly

Momo pulled away and breathed heavily as Mina did the same, leaning back in Sana's arms

“Sorry, I got carried away” The older said with a small smile, words laced with shyness “Are you okay, Minari?”

“Yeah” her voice was breathless and the older girls laughed at how cute she seemed. Sana softly pinched her cheeks

“You're so cute, Mina-chan. Momo really got you huh?”

Mina shook her head and turned around, facing Sana who just looked sweetly into her eyes

“I can't tell until I kissed you”

“Wow” Momo whispers, more for herself than anyone else “She's getting bold”

“All right then” Sana smug smile was back “Kiss me then”

Mina moved forward, her movements cautious and slow. Sana, however, was anxious for a kiss so she leaned forward and quickly kissed Mina. Her kiss was softer, focused in moving her lips against Mina's instead of turning everything into a competition to see who could dominate the other. Mina linked her arms behind Sana's neck and tilted her head a little to one side, giving more room and making the kiss deeper. The lack of air ended it early and Sana pulled back. She was as breathless as Mina with a faint blush on her cheeks

Momo giggled

“Looks like Sana ate her words”

“Shut up!” Sana angrily points at Momo with her index finger “I've only kissed Mina like two times!”

“Me too!”

“Eh?! Shut up anyways!”

Mina can't help but laugh as her two friends bickering, it's still the same as many years ago and it brings a warm feeling to her chest. Pushing Sana into the sleeping mat, Mina cuddles by her side with an arm wrapped around her waist and her head on her chest. Momo's warmth quickly molds into her body, hugging her from behind while she covers them with a mix of all the blankets

“I love you both” Mina whispers, she isn't sleepy but being like this with both girls is so relaxing that she can't help to feel a little bit drowsy “I really do”

Momo and Sana look at each other over the top of Mina's head. They say nothing about it even when there's a rising feeling inside their chest

“We love you too” Sana says, caressing Mina's cheek with the back of her hand “At least I do”

“Hey, what are you trying to say?” Momo pouts and snuggles further into Mina “I love her too”

Mina only laughs and her cheerful gummy smile is enough to take any fear away

Sana remembers she forgot to say something but she just closes her eyes and prays that her sleep takes away all her insecurities

* * *

_“Hi!”_

Mina can hear Sana's squeaky voice from the first day they met. She was sitting against the tree with her lunch on her lap. It was a calm day in spring and people were too busy with their own jobs to pay attention to anything else. Mina just got back from her ballet practice and, afraid of going back home, she dropped by the park just to rest a little

 _“Hi”_  Mina hides her face behind her long curtain of hair, she's used to people talking to her and then going away because her voice is too soft, or because they can't hear her, or because she stays quiet

“ _Have you seen my friend? She's called Momo and it's a little taller than me_ ”

Mina looks at the girl from head to toe. She's dressed in a school uniform with her hair tied in a ponytail, her bag hangs low from one of her shoulders and judging by how she's panting, she's been running nonstop

 _“Sana!”_  Another voice says, far away from where they are. Mina frowns and then lifts her head. The voice is coming from...the top of the tree?!  _“I'm here! Wanna go up?”_  The girl on the cherry blossom smiles at both of them and waves, she's dressed in much too comfortable clothes (shorts and a tank top) while her legs are covered in small bruises probably product of climbing the tree

Mina looks at Sana, her eyes light up with thousand sparkles. Like the starry sky. Mina doesn't know why her cheeks heat up

 _“You go down, Momoring!”_  Sana says back as she waves, jumping up and down  _“We got a new friend!”_

Mina opens her eyes wide. She's not stupid and she knows Sana is talking about her but how could she fit in with these girls who seemed to be so easy going and cheerful. Mina is not like that, that's what the kids at school say: she's quiet, boring, weird…

Momo gets down from the tree as fast as her legs allow her and she lands in front of Mina, her head tilted to one side and arms crossed across her chest

_You're the new friend?_

Mina shrinks in her spot. This girl is intimidating, she looks like the typical bully

 _“You're scaring her, Momoring”_  Sana says as she wraps her arms around Momo torso and rests her head on her shoulder  _“Can you say hi like a normal person?”_

Momo scoffs

_“Hi, my name is Momo and you are?”_

_“Mina”_  the ballerina replies, voice quiet and low

 _“My name is Sana!”_  says the girl with the same happy voice from before, Momo elbows her on the ribs and she only whines  _“Sorry…do you wanna be our friend?”_

_“Uhm…”_

_“This is our tree, you know…”_  Momo drifts off and Mina finally has the strength to look her in the eyes: she's intimidating, of course, but her gaze is so soft and calming that it brings Mina some confidence  _“Nobody comes here, never so you might as well join us! We're always here”_

Friends, a favorite place. It's all foreign for Mina, her parents never allowed her to do any of these things before (in fact, if they know that she's hanging around this place, she might get grounded for the rest of her life) and she's curious, she wants to brag about her new friends to everyone else

Mina nods softly. Sana jumps in the air, Momo gives her a side smile that looks like a mischievous smirk

_“Welcome, Minari!”_

Minari, that's the name that makes her happy and it always brings a smile to her face

The next morning, Mina wakes up to hushed sounds and soft laughs

She opens her eyes slowly, she's still inside the tent and wrapped with all the blankets Momo placed on them the night before. The light slowly filters through the tent's plastic and her eyes get adjusted to the change, there's two blurry silhouettes in front of her

“So…Santa is not coming this year?”

“Well, probably not. I mean-we're in the middle of fucking nowhere! I'm sure Santa won't find us here”

“Momoring, Santa doesn't exist”

"I'm talking about an imaginary Santa, okay?!”

Mina softly moans, stretching her rigid limbs and sighing after a good night of sleep. Outside their tent, Jihyo is waking everyone up and arguing with Jeongyeon about how is not a good idea to keep leftover food inside her pockets. Sana quickly crawls towards Mina and kisses her cheek, she's still wearing the oversized hoodie

“Good morning, honey! Had a good night sleep?”

Mina only nods and sits up before wrapping her arms around Sana and pulling her towards the ground. Sana laughs and quickly gets under the covers before kissing Mina on the tip of her nose

“Let's sleep a little more” the younger mumbles, Sana giggles

“Hey!” Momo whines “I wanna cuddle too!”

Momo lies on top of them with a big smile while both of her lovers laugh out loud and try to push her away. After struggling, Momo falls down in the middle of both face down on the ground. Mina places an arm on top of her back and Sana pats her head

“You're a baby, Momoring” Mina says and she leans to place a soft kiss on top of her head “Don't worry, you're really cute”

Momo smile is still so big and Sana heart aches with the same pain from just a day ago. Her fear is back and it makes her palms sweaty and her pulse roars wild inside her ears. Her smile falters and she closes her eyes

_Momo won't leave_

Her memories take her to the previous night. The way Mina kissed her so softly and loving, how good it felt to sleep in her arms after so many nights longing for it

Mina doesn't need her, Mina doesn't need them

Sana shakes her head

_Mina won't leave_

“Sattang?” Momo voice brings her back to reality “Are you okay?”

Sana feels tears stinging at her eyes

_No, I'm not. I'm afraid. I'm scared. I'm terrified of you leaving me. Of Mina leaving me. We're so happy right now and I just can't take this anymore_

She slowly nods, her smile is weak but she pulls it out

“I'm okay, Momoring. Why do you ask?”

Mina is interested now, her eyes fixated on her

_Please, don't do this to me. I don't want to break down_

“Don't lie to me” Momo voice is rough, too different from her usual cheerful and low tone “You know you can't lie to me, right?”

Sana laughs. A dry sound leaves her lips

“I'm okay” she says in a playful manner “Stop bothering me”

“You can tell us anything, Sana” Mina pushes. She sits up and reaches for the older hands “We're here for you”

She needs to say it

“I'm scared” Sana voice is soft and she looks down, the tears finally break through and fall down on top of the sleeping mat “I'm really scared”

“Of what?” Momo asks, she quickly sits besides Sana and tries to look at her face again “Tell me”

“You can't fight it, Momo”

“You know I fight everything for you”

“Even yourself?”

Silence fills the tent. Sana sobs loudly and Mina goes forward to wrap her in a tight hug while Momo is frozen in place

“I'm scared of being alone. I don't want you or Mina to leave me behind like all those years ago”

Momo hands turn into fists

“I didn't leave because I wanted to, I told you about it before”

Sana breaks away from Mina hug and looks straight into her older lover eyes. Momo is angry, she can see it in the way her body just tenses up

“Momo, I love you. I really do but you broke my heart two times and it's the worst feeling in the world!”

 _“Guys?”_  Jihyo talks from the outside, her voice seems worried  _“Is everything okay? Breakfast is ready by the way, you can come at any time”_

“Thank you, we're okay” Mina says, her voice shaky “We go in a minute”

Jihyo doesn't walk away, the three girls can see her silhouette from the inside. After a few minutes of silence she gives up and walks towards the rest of the group

“Sana, I wanted to stay but we were in danger. My step father showed up and-” Momo hisses and Sana interrupts her

“We could've solved it! Together! You don't know how much I missed you, how much I blamed myself for pushing you and Mina away from me" Sana voice breaks and she sobs uncontrollably, her whole body shaking while Mina gets closer to her “I don't want to lose any of you again because I'm sure my heart won't take it and I wake up scared thinking every day could be our last”

Momo lets out a shaky sigh and she gets closer to Sana, her hands tremble as she tries to hug her

“I'm sorry” Mina whispers, pushing back tears “I really am, Sana. I never knew you felt like this”

Sana doesn't say anything, she continues sobbing and leans her head on Momo's shoulder. Memories of the nights she spent all alone come rushing like a speedy car, all the ‘anniversaries’ she spent just looking at everyone being happy, everyone but herself

“Please, forgive me” Momo continues and rubs soothing circles around her back “I swear I won't leave you again, you and Mina are all I have”

“I love you” Mina voice is soft but firm “I'll do everything to show it to you”

“I love you too, Sana. Please, trust me. I'll stay with you forever”

Sana trusts them. She's still scared

“Please, just hold me tight”

But somehow, there's something telling her everything will be alright_


End file.
